2.08.2008

Greetings From Dallas



I'm in this seminar today but since (1) these things are notoriously boring and (2) I'm in the most high tech conference room in the history of ever (wi-fi, big screen, readily available outlets, CNN showing before the program starts), I'll probably give an update or two.

Random Thoughts:
- The George Bush toll road is the greatest invention in the history of travel.
- I am soooooo on my guard today because of this. (And if you don't want to click on the link, realize the story has this gem: " One man lost his money while dancing in a hotel elevator. Another lost his wallet while inside a car with his pants around his ankles.")
- This place has a breakfast spread like nobody's business.
- Looking over the registration list, I see some guy is hear listed as "Matthew McConahay" from Weatherford. I also see that former DA's Tim Cole and Bruce Issacks are here. Dear lord, James Stainton of Decatur is here.
- In general, these things are insufferable. Everywhere I hear strangers talking about their "war stories" which, I'm certain, are normally a fraction of the truth.
- Out in the hall, I just heard an over-talking old lawyer on the phone getting all grumpy with a divorce client. Discretion there, hoss. Discretion.
- Just heard that every speaker at the seminar has won a breath test case > .08 within the last 12 months.
- And the first speaker was almost a Call To Arms to try more cases. Ya know, I was motivated by that.
- I just noticed that lunch is "catered by Campisi's." Think anything low fat is on the menu?
- Power Down Moment.....Speaker: "You're not going to win a high breath test if your client looks drunk on video. Anybody done that?" [Hand goes up.] Speaker: "How'd that work out for you?" Voice from audience: "I kept them [the jury] out a while." Sheesh. Big freakin' deal.
- This is why I hate seminars. The current speaker just mentioned that there USED TO BE an error in the Breath Test Operator's manual. He then spent five minutes explaining WHY it was an error. But, sheesh, it is no longer in the manual so the error doesn't matter anymore. Move on, hoss, move on!
- There are one or two lawyers that throw down the "I'm A Texas Old School Lawyer" - which means they wear a cowboy hat, boots and bolo tie. Kill me. Good lord, one is speaking right now.
- This gal is speaking later. That's more like it.
- I'm drinking apple juice. Yep, free apple juice.
- In general, people that practice criminal defense law are a motley crew.
- After a speaker ends, I have a huge urge to start the "slow clap" going.
- Lunch was good. They also had salad. Kinda like the Olive Garden salad.
- A lady beside just offered me peanuts.
- I sooooo want post a Friday afternoon pick me up but too darn many people can see my screen. Can't exactly search the Internet for hot gals in this environment. That makes it a bad environment. I feel my rights are being infringed upon.
- A speaker just played this video for no reason other than to entertain us.
- The last speaker was a beating - he couldn't run his powerpoint presentation to save his arse. But now I'm watching Denton lawyer Rick Hagen do a mock voir dire. (Top pick). I like Rick. And he's a great lawyer.
- I love Google Docs. I use it all the time and that's what I've taken notes on today. Easily accessible in the future.
- Funny: One of the speakers, once finished, walked out to the hallway with his mic still on and live! Thought we were going to have a Naked Gun moment for a second.
- Just heard attorney Fort Worth Mark Daniel speak. I think he's great and he had five or six great points.
- OK, we've got a wise guy out there! I just got an email with a photo making reference to Lake Bridgeport. Boat accident? Fire? Some other incident? So I opened the photo amongst this crowd and up pops a very scantily clad model that has nothing to do with Lake Bridgeport - as I then scrambled to block the screen and close it.
- And we had one more wise guy email. Got one that said, "Pic of the back of your head." I was smart enough to dim my screen to "almost impossible to see mode" before I opened it. What was it? A very gay cowboy. Even I laughed at that one.
- I'm done. Good times.

38 comments:

mzchief said...

To Barry...
In light of the fact the thug chicks seemingly only target guys wearing $2,000+ watches, you should be somewhat safe if you take OFF your watch and show them your car.

Have fun, been nice and be safe!

CHEERS!

Anonymous said...

That's kinda like if someone tried to steal my identity. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I woke up in a bathtub full of ice and writing in lipstick on the mirror....

Anonymous said...

I guess the guys will file rape charges, also?! Kinda funny.

AnObiter said...

If you want to learn, seminars are great. Catching up w/old colleagues and meeting new ones is big fun too.

Quit being such a cranky old stiff.

bigfan said...

Barry, you better be careful. I don't think your hair line could take a scalp abrasion.

mzchief said...

The very pleasant Weatherford attorney Matthew McConahay looks NOTHING like the handsome actor Matthew McConaughey.

Anonymous said...

any hotties there ?

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the beat down you're taking Barry,keep your chin up.

Anonymous said...

Barry, how dare you go off galavanting around, while we're here suffering at work! Don't you know we NEED our Friday Dance Off! Or at least some pics of the real Matthew McConaughey!!!!!.......come on, just one small picture, please. :-)

Anonymous said...

I think Steve Thompson (author of the Mickey Finn story) is pure genius. He says so much without actually saying it.
Victim "suffered a scalp wound that may have been inflicted by a high-heel shoe".

Anonymous said...

Please don't 'doze' off during this, you could see your picture on various blog pages, 'grin', even worse, YouTube.

Chris
MN

House of R and R said...

"You're not going to win a high breath test if your client looks drunk on video". Boy....that gets a definite DUH.

Now... a more substantial seminar would be for the public on "How to not act drunk on video".

Anonymous said...

I would love for him to doze off. I'm sitting two rows back just waiting for that pic.

Barry Green said...

I have an incredible urge to look over my shoulder right now.

Anonymous said...

I bet you do!

Anonymous said...

I'm the one in the suit. If you turn around I'll wink at you.

Anonymous said...

Barry,you need to face forward and pay attention.

You are a fine example of whats wrong with todays puples who waist time texting and using modern communication devices while in the classroom instead of doing what they're there to do.

Anonymous said...

Campisi's, Look for the Playboy model daughter and send us some good 'ol Barry Pics. Maybe your next wife if you work it right.

Anonymous said...

I'm LOL at you 10:28. That is to funny! Send pictures later if/when it happens.

Chris
MN

Anonymous said...

10:28 drags the Barron out of his dark, musty lair and gets him to post a comment.

What a rare event. Everyone mark the date and time.

Here's a tip from The Kinks Barr-ster:

"Silly boy ya' self-destroyer.
Paranoia, the destroyer."

Double Fake and still dead Ray Davies

Anonymous said...

I hope "puples" isn't on the spelling test.

House of R and R said...

A slow clap? Come on...you sports nut. Wouldn't "the wave" be more your style.

Anonymous said...

Hey Barry, Ano's insulting you on her blogsite......."Wise County Cult"... ha ha!

Maybe you can list her site as Incidental Snarkings.

Double Fake Shiate Stirrer

Silicone Alley said...

High heel wounds, dancing in elevators... It's so great to know that women have this power over men.

Anonymous said...

Barry, if "that gal" is exciting to you, this has to be the beat-down champ of seminars.

RPM said...

I met Mimi Coffey several years ago. She is (or was) much hotter in person.

Denney Crane said...

Free booze and drugs??? Where can I buy a Rolex knockoff?

Anonymous said...

Death by powerpoint-your rights ARE being trampled,sorry we can't be there to support you in this critical hour of need.

Gunnut said...

If my son stayed in that classroom after that retard shot himself he'd have a whoopin coming.

mzchief said...

*OTFLOLHysterically*

To Barry...
You sound SHOCKED to figure out there is a "wise guy" sending you a photo of a "scantily clad model" using a BOGUS subject title.

You are SOOOOOOO easy!

*StillLOLHysterically*

Incidentally, I would have paid HUGE amounts of coin to have a photo of your face when the pic popped up.

House of R & R said...

Wink.... Wink.... Bu Bear.

AnObiter said...

Rick Hagen is pretty beautiful.

Double Fake Shiate, look up at the homepage Blogger bar: "Liberally Lean from the Land of Dairy Queen -- Welcome to the Cult that is Wise County."

I like the "Incidental Snarkings" though -- that's great! I'll try not to offend your sweet sensibilities in the future......;)

I'll bet you did send Barry that "scantily clad" pic, MZ. Either that, or he sent it to himself to relieve the "pressure."

Anonymous said...

Play with fire, die by fire. LMAO. Good jorb to whomever sent that email.

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of the time we all got to go to the Texas State Fair, and a couple of boys were caught stealing something from the Midway.

After the Ag Teacher got finished screaming at them and jerking their collars on the way home, it sure was a dull 100-mile trip back.

We did win first place in grass judging though, whatever the hell that is.

Anonymous said...

I sure hope "jorb" isn't on the spelling test.

Mr. Mike Honcho said...

Sounds like a good convention to slip out to lunch with two or thre lawyers, have two or three drinks, then ask the driver on the way back, "what ya think you would blow right now?"

House of R & R said...

Thanks for the tip on Google Docs! It's so much better than posting thru Blogger.