With No Polls Closed, I Would Like To Officially Project The Winner Of This Election

"It's over, Billy. Not just for you but especially for the other guy."


It's Friday. Let's Get Out Of Here.

Sometimes We Are All That Guy

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

  • Those dividing line reflectors on the pavement are a great invention when driving in the dark in the rain with no street lights. How do they get those to stick anyway? 
  • "The Clown Lives Matter" march by the professional clown association was very underappreciated. It truly, in every since of the word, was a clown move.
  • Hurricane coverage: 96% what could happen. 4% what did happen. 
  • A raised truck with a raised bed touched power lines near Houston yesterday and . . . 
  • A new Texas court opinion finally eviscerates the many silly reasons cops use to justify a search or a detention based upon their "training and experience" and the slowly becoming meaningless phrase of "totality of the circumstances."  (For criminal law practitioners: In light of Rodriguez, the new battleground will be what is and what is not a reasonable suspicion during a traffic stop in order to prolong it. Print and use that opinion.)
  • I'm not going to watch it but I saw a link for a video of  "Larry the Cable guy snapped a dude's arm arm-wrestling" which both TMZ and Deadspin are jumping on. 
  • The new Selena makeup line seems to be profiting off of the dead. 
  • Hey, WBAP boys, you might want to re-listen to the over-the-top sexual lyrics of the joke song "Clowntown" (to the theme of "Downtown") that you played this morning. I don't think you guys understand what went out over the air. 
  • I've got a ton of legal questions for a case yesterday out of Tarrant County where a man was charged with aggravated kidnapping of a Watauga girl walking home from school, was found guilty of the lesser charge of attempted kidnapping, and then sentenced to two years for the offense. And to further muddy things, there apparently was no witness to ID him, race was injected, and the jury learned (how!!!!!???) of the man being no-billed by a grand jury for kidnapping a few years back. 
  • "Hunker down" is an underrated and rarely used phrase.
  • No, it's not . . . 


Hurricane Talk

Live Radar

(c) Liberally Lean Graphics Department. 2016

I'm an expert in weather predicting* as all of you know. It's just another one of my talents that I like to share from time to time. So I thought I'd check into expanding into hurricane forecasting since I might be of help to the good folks from Florida to South Carolina.

I got side tracked right off the bat with this crazy Saffir-Simpson scale. What is the deal with that? My staff has gone to great lengths to calculate the range of miles per hour for each category and they've discovered a serious flaw which has heretofore gone unnoticed by the masses. (See high tech graphic above). Why are all the ranges different instead of uniform?  And why start at 74? Why cap it at > 155? Lots of problems here. Lots of problems.

Well, Mr. Saffir and Mr. Simpson, there's a new sheriff in town. I have modified it utilizing a highly technical standardized 19 mph range with some extra tweaking which will certainly be approved by the National Hurricane Center before the weekend:
  • 60-79 (Lowers threshold of official hurricane to 60 so we can have more hurricanes to track.)
  • 80-99 (Under 100 and we're still safe. We aren't getting worked up over a Cat 2.)
  • 100-119 (Crack 100 and we're in the big time. All media would lock onto a 100 mph threshold.)
  • 120-139 (That's a good range for Cat 4. That's all I got.)
  • > 140 (Lower threshold for Cat 5 so it can be occasionally achieved)
With that problem solved, I'm now back to the lab. 
*The cold front that's coming will hit Decatur at 4:45 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Edit: Who is trying to be funny?  "And your kids die, too."

Ted Cruz In Fort Worth Yesterday

He makes a PR appearance at the Tarrant County GOP to "man the phone bank" with Trump signs in the background, and then he never mentions to vote for Trump in the call.

That is one conflicted man.

Politics Is Getting Way Too Hip

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

  • Trump sure is focused on raising money. With a month left, instead of campaigning in the swing states, he'll be in Dallas for a fundraiser next Tuesday.
  • Something having nothing to do with rehab is going on behind the scenes in the story of eleven people being arrested for holding "rehab patients" against their will in Irving. 
  • There might not be much on the line for this year's Texas/OU game but it does have some huge long term consequences. Everyone knows Charlie Strong's seat gets hotter with a loss, but there would be a heck of a storm in Norman if the Sooners lose again as Stoop's would have three losses in early October and is becoming Texas' whipping boy. 
  • Confirmed sighting of Decatur Motorcycle Cop making a stop on 380 this morning. 
  • Speaking of 380, I was coming out of Denton to Decatur on Monday and saw four motorcycle cops. It was odd because the were in the median together, all facing the same way, and in the "ready" position of both feet on the ground and both handlebar controls. But no one was running handheld radar.
  • A guy climbed high up on the outside of the Speedway Club last night.
  • Worth a watch. A "Curves Connect" dating site ad that aired during last night's wildcard came for those who have DirecTV.  It is affiliated with -- and I am not making this up -- FarmersOnly.com.
  • "School shooting assignment puts Keller drama student under fire." I'm not that bothered by the assignment (it is drama, by the way) and that shouldn't be the lead of the story. The real - and almost funny - story line is that her husband caused a massive police response when he called 911. He had received texts (and a photo per one report) from the wife/teacher where she "joked" about there being an active shooter situation ongoing -- texts which he misinterpreted. (Someone suggested yesterday that he would bet the wife/teacher had explained the entire assignment to the husband the night before as he stared at the TV replying with, "Uh huh. Yeah. Uh huh.")
  • I finally read Twelve Mighty Orphans about the high school football teams of the Masonic Home in Fort Worth during the 1930s and 1940s. It turned out to be a heck of a history lesson. (My dad says that Bridgeport used to play Masonic Home but didn't know when it stopped.)
  • The ALL CAPS guy might be a genius because he knows I don't have the heart to ban someone who might have more challenges in life than the rest of us. 
  • Pence looks like he should be a Democrat (kind of the Lloyd Bentson type) and Kaine looks like a Republican (the new style aggressive Ted Cruz type.)
  • Whatever happened to Phil Gramm?
  • "The City of Aurora will debut its Aurora Alien Abduction Haunted House and Twisted Oaks Pumpkin Patch, located at the old Trail’s End abandoned restaurant on Texas 114." Kudos for using the alien theme. Keep it up. (They should also go with a theme of a haunted restaurant where the tour takes you by tables of creepy people eating creepy things and then lead you into the who-knows-what-to-expect kitchen. The tour would end with a flash of light to simulate an alien ship crashing outside nearby. All the creepy people would then stand up and utter, "He's here.")
  • I put too much effort into that last bullet point. 
  • Kids in many colleges across the nation received a text around 10:00 p.m. last night stating there was a campus emergency and were to evacuate. It happened at Baylor, UNT, Ole Miss and Colorado to name a few. It was an error which started, oddly, when a community college in Houston tried to send a text to its students about a gas leak. Everyone is still trying to figure out what happened.


Who Threw The Beer Last Night At The Blue Jays Game?

Deadspin is collecting video and still shots and doing a Zapruder-like investigation. It's pretty good. (Link in tweet or here.)

Edit: Someone else has a different theory.

Let's Check In On The Farmers Fair Parade


I'm not really sure I understand this. Throw in the Grim Reaper (with blood on his scythe for an electrocution?) as well as the Duck Dynasty looking priest and it gets odder. But I've been told to relax -- Frank was just joshing with his float:

Lots Of Blowback For Fox News For This Segment

And, by the way, these segments with that guy on O'Reilly are horrible. It's like a bunch of old men watched Jon Stewart and tried to mimic his bits when they didn't understand what made Jon Stewart's show funny in the first place.

Above The Fold

Full readable page.

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

  • Bass Pro Shop buying Cabelas can't possibly help lower the prices of outdoor stuff.  (And just how exactly will this impact the value of my very used kayak?)
  • A side product of the Clown Scare of 2016 is learning the public's shocking belief on what they think the government can do. For example on the radio yesterday the afternoon boys thought it was "illegal" to wear a clown suit in a park and considered it to be a "good question" as to whether police will outlaw clown outfits for Halloween.  It's a default belief that the government can do anything it wishes. 
  • Within hours of the Kim Kardashian alleged robbery, I was on here questioning it. Well, I'm on the verge of becoming the hardest working and most trusted man in show business because even Fox News ran a story yesterday saying the whole thing "raises some eyebrows." (This comes on the heels of me sniffing out the Ryan Lotche lie before anyone.)
  • The was supposed to be a blockbuster interview on CBS this morning of the former Baylor Title IX officer who has sued the university. It turned out to be a big bag of nothing.
  • During the VP debate last night, the candidates argued for a time whether Hillary or Trump had been "meaner."
  • But GOP VP nominee Mike Pence did manage to get #ThatMexicanThingAgain trending on Twitter for saying "You whipped out that Mexican thing again."

  • And he said that on National Taco Day. 
  • Police unions in DFW sure are flexing their muscles for money and power: The Arlington Police Association has sued the city claiming that the police department is putting restrictions on their recruitment of newly hired officers to join the union. Fort Worth Police Association has filed a grievance about the police departments "lateral hire" policy (basically they are saying lateral hires are taking promotions from officers in the union).  And the Dallas Police Association has been constantly making news for demanding more money since the ambush.
  • When Fox's Joe Buck, during the Cowboy game, frantically threw it to Vin Scully's last call I don't think that Scully's call was live at all. 
  • Libertarian nominee Gary Johnson said yesterday that his lack of geographical knowledge is a plus because "you can't get into a war with a country you can't find."  After laughing at that, I began to embrace its simple truth.
  • There is an announcement in the Update for a 1,000 home development on the east side of Rhome. Is it south of 287? If so, I think I know the owner. 
  • I'll admit that I didn't know that if none of the candidates are able to obtain more than 50% of the electoral votes then the House of Representatives decides the Presidency. (And then each state's representatives get to cast one collective vote for the entire state.)  You know, you get a third party candidate grabbing a couple of states some day and that could easily happen. 
  • As the regular baseball season ends, consider this: Josh Hamilton made $28.41 million and C.J. Wilson made $20 million for literally not playing at all. And Prince Fielder made $24 million and Alex Rodriguez $20 million for essentially not playing.
  • On The Ticket this morning, they read a letter from a criminal defense lawyer who is in the Collin County jail waiting to go to TDC to serve a five year sentence. He said he practiced law in Collin, Dallas, and Tarrant Counties before being sentenced for practicing law without a license after his license was suspended. Who is this? (He wants to provide weekly reports on what his experience in prison is like. Dear Ticket: Do it.)
  • Said it for years: America loves talking about a hurricane's path.


OU Fan Taunts TCU. Nothing Happens.

Some background on this.

To quote Step Brothers, "What's this guy's deal?"

How Did The Republican Party Lose Its Way?

An official ad from the Republican National Committee attacking the Democratic VP nominee for having been a criminal defense lawyer.  If they all keep a copy of the constitution in their pockets -- like they claim -- they must stop reading after the first couple of amendments.

60 -- Only 60 -- Years Ago

Once Again, I'm A Pop Culture Genius

I said that those  who were dressing up as clowns were doing "bits" which law enforcement now confirms by using the word "prank".  I'll accept your apologies.

(But I am confused by the references to "clown threats" in the release. And it was a strange touch to add the sentence which basically says, "You dress up as clown you might get shot in Texas." )

Edit: I'm proud to announce that the Abilene Police Department supports my position:

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

  • Hot Scary Clown Opinions: (1) This is ridiculously overblown, (2) There's a huge difference between a threat made to a specific person/entity by someone signing off as a clown online and someone who is just outside in a clown suit. (3) Being in public in a clown suit ain't no crime, (4) Those who are actually dressing up are just doing bits, and I'm a little surprised we haven't had more clown sightings. This country loves bits. (5) I bet it is actually hard to find an adult sized clown suitably priced for short lived comedy.  
  • Dear Messenger: I am stealing this Update item in light of the above bullet point as a matter of public concern. (Everyone go buy a paper this week or subscribe online so they won't sue me.)
  • There was breaking news as I write this of a "body found in Anna."  Didn't that Arochi guy just convicted of kidnapping go near Anna on the night of his alleged crime? (Or the body might be related to something that happened overnight. No facts yet. )
  • The Rangers first two playoff games are in the afternoon on a weekday? Ranger Derek Holland must have been so upset that he hit up on a Playboy model yesterday.
  • I'm guessing he looked like this after the typed that:
  • From the comments yesterday: "I know you mentioned a lot of traffic cases out of South Wise County. I've been driving 730 south to Azle for a job lately and Wise County patrols all the way to Azle. They routinely park at Briar but see them past Pelican Bay. Why are they in Tarrant Cty?" I've seen evidence of the same. 
  • Trump got a a little of a raw deal for being criticized for saying that those who suffer PTSD weren't as "strong" as those vets in the audience who had "seen the same things."   I know what he was trying to say. 
  • This parent got 15 years in Georgia for having a sexual relationship with her daughter's fifteen year old boyfriend? That won't win you Parent of the Year honors but that seems harsh. Especially for Georgia.
  • I can't believe I haven't mentioned Decatur's new motorcycle cop.  (Didn't they have bicycle cops many years back?) Suggestion: Get a second motorcycle and find your two cops most closely resembling these guys and then dress them accordingly. Then have them ride in a pair around Decatur for the week of Halloween and you might go viral. 
  • It's interesting how the coaches at Tech and at Texas have the same problem on the field but handle it completely differently. They both have atrocious defenses. Tech Coach Kliff Kingsbury deflects criticism by readily saying he has "nothing" to do with that side of the ball. UT coach Charlie Strong's reaction is to take over the defense and now have nothing to do with the successful offense. 
  • The sports radio boys were saying Jason Garrett was mad a the media yesterday during his press conference. Something was really, really wrong with him even so much that one question was, "You, OK?" But I'm making a wild sports prediction that its not the media that's bugging him, it is something negative that he learned about since the game which we'll learn about later this week.


Florida Chuck E Cheese Fight!

Story and video. 

I didn't see what part of Florida this is from but it has to the the panhandle, right?

Crime Blotter

Lots going on here.

  • What do you think he is doing when he bends over by the front door? Is he keeping the door ajar?
  • Perfect Crime points deduction for forgetting to put his mask on. 
  • Do we have a "Hey, you forgot some of the money" at the 34 second mark? Any chance that was bait money?
  • How much cash does a cell phone store have just laying around? 
  • Is that a UT cap?
  • Love the clerk who went from a hands up position to a hands on hips position right in front of the guy. 

The Return Of Jimmy's Cowboys In More Way Than One?

Then again, no need to panic. It's just a guy who smokes a plant from time to time and supports law enforcement.

Above The Fold

Full readable page.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

  • It's not that Donald Trump may not have paid taxes over the last 18 years that gets my attention. If it is legal it is legal.  What I want to know about are the details of the $916 million loss in one year.
  • Kim Kardashian was reportedly tied up in her Paris condo and robbed by fake police of $10 million in jewelry. Kayne dramatically shut down a concert due to the family emergency. She was not harmed. Hey, Conspiracy Theorists! Get on this! 
  • A 12 year old out of Saginaw who went missing for four days was found safe yesterday. The only explanation was she "stayed with acquaintances during the time of her absence." (Thoughts of  Latarian Milton bounced in my head.)
  • I saw an ad for a new show called Conviction -- A TV series about a conviction integrity unit. It has come this far? Wrongful convictions are so commonplace we can make a TV show about it?
  • Tweet by Arlington PD Chief: "Lots of @ArlingtonPD Officers representing APD at Tarrant County Pride Parade in Fort Worth on Saturday." Pretty progressive. He also posted some pictures with the tweet with one of them making me ask, "How tall is she"?
  • I'm a fan of that Rent Doctor cleaner. Honestly,  I really don't know if it does that good a job but I get a sense of satisfaction that I did my best to get a carpet clean.  
  • I think I may have posted this before. Sexy Harambe Halloween outfit? 
  • If you didn't see Jerry Jones get hit in the head with a helmet thrown down to him, here ya go.  And here's a photo from the other angle:
  • Sports: (1) Barring winning out, Charlie Strong is gone after this season, (2) The Oklahoma State big man who picked up the blocked PAT and instantaneously lateraled it to someone who could actually score may be the most heads up play I've seen in a while, (3) Someone at the Messenger tweeted that the Ryder Cup was greater than college football. I'm asking for a copy of his birth certificate because that doesn't sound very American. County club American, yes. Red blooded American, no. (4) A great breakdown of Ricky Williams crazy rookie contract with the Saints and how much all the great runners of the NFL would have made under the incentive laden contract. (5) OU will win the Big 12 conference. (6) Baylor's schedule until playing again on October 29th against Texas: Bye. Kansas. Bye. (7) I'm fascinated by the gal who shadows TCU's Coach Gary Patterson with a towel so he can frequently wipe off his sweat. 
  • Strange thing in Minneapolis last night: Six people were shot in two incidences one block away  from each other in the downtown area. It was even right by the main police station. And none of the victims are being cooperative. 
  • According to the first item in the Update, Wise County has a full scale war going on within the local Democratic Party.