It's The Weekend! Let's Get Out Of Here!

And I Say This With Sincerity: Hook 'Em

Sports Humor + Lawn Chore Humor = Greatness

I Finally Realized Why I've Always Loved This

It's a beaten down guy in a suit. He cuts loose in a fantasy at an empty hotel (which is empty only in his mind).  He even briefly pauses in the middle of it to contemplate whether he should continue this dream. And at the end, he sits back down in a chair and realizes his life has not changed at all.

Talk about Walter Mitty! There's even some flying like in Birdman.

(I don't know who I was dating at the time I first saw this but I remember her telling me the video was "stupid".)

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

  • I walked out this morning and found my car door slightly ajar. (That's definitely a "whoa" moment.) My glove box was open. The console was open. But nothing had been scattered and nothing had been taken. The garage door opener was the first thing I looked for  and it was there. Any ideas what they were looking for?  And do they not fear I have it on video?
  • Hot sports opinion about The Ticket: The main hosts, who have made a fortune, are fed up with Cumulus and are about to go Scorched Earth and walk away.
  • There was/is a crazy wild fire in Bastrop County. In 2011, Bastrop County was hit with a wild fire which gave rise to one of the craziest photos I had ever seen
  • I'm losing touch with technology. I received a PDF document which required a password (which I had.) If opened it, saved it to my hard drive, and then emailed it to someone else they were still prompted to enter a password to open it. I had no idea. 
  • Great opinion at the courthouse the other day: "The Texas Penal Code should grant total immunity for any crime committed by someone after they turn 80."
  • An Albino deer is roaming around Denton. Come see me, brother. I won't discriminate because you are different. (But I'm still mad at your brothers for running away from me on my hike up Guadalupe Peak.)
  • BagOfNothing posted audio yesterday of Christopher Walken reading Edgar Allen Poe's "Nevermore".  I'm going to post in a second about Walken in Flatboy Slim's video, because it just dawned on me why I've always loved it. 
  • More technology: The Kids In The House really don't understand the concept of a "hard drive". For them, everything is "in the cloud." And, you know, almost everything I do is in the cloud. 
  • I wrote this on 4/1/15 in Random Thoughts: "Hillary should select one of the Texas Castro brothers as her vice president nominee. She won't win Texas even if she did, but it could awaken the Hispanic electorate in general. And once they are awakened, it's game over. Not just this election but for years to come." ABC News reported this yesterday: "Hillary Clinton opened the door today for Julian Castro to be a possible pick for vice president if she wins the Democratic nomination, saying she is 'going to really look hard at him for anything, because that's how good he is.'" Does anyone want to hire me as a political consultant? 


Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

  • Mark down yesterday in Rangers' baseball history as having the most bizarre inning in the history of innings. The 7th. 53 minutes. Chaos. Objects thrown from the crowd. Mothers guarding children. Weird plays. Three errors by one guy. I think I heard my neighbor run out the door screaming, "Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husbands!"
  • I would think Elvis Andrus was pulling a Pete Rose by betting on baseball and throwing the game if his performance wasn't so ridiculously bad. (By the way, that guy who made an unfathomable three errors in one inning makes $15 million a year and is under contract to make $103 million in the future. All guaranteed. And to think I represent people accused of stealing $50 from Walmart.)
  • I didn't even mention the greatest bat flip of all time. I love this. 
  • And BagOfNothing has the greatest vine ever of a kid being destroyed at the game by a celebrating dad. Deadspin called it, "Sports Baby Goes Down."
  • I had a five minute discussion yesterday with two people up at the courthouse about "Let's rank the household chores based upon difficulty." Floor/carpet cleaning won. Doing laundry was a controversial topic. Bed making caused an argument because neither of the other two do it. They obviously are disrespecting the military and I won't stand for it!!
  • The morning show on The Ticket did a segment on how underpaid and overworked the Dallas police are. You kidding me? In just a few years after hiring they make in the mid $60,000 range and that doesn't include the ridiculously paid side jobs, increased pay for night shifts, health care, a pension, and being in a union which will defend you no matter what you do. And they work for the government which has a million times more restrictions on how they can treat you in comparison to the private sector. Heck, just don't murder someone on video and you'll never be fired -- and maybe not even then. 
  • The jogger who was hacked to death with a machete by the former Aggie was a 53 year old runner, married, lived on a "typical looking suburban street", and was "quiet and largely stayed to" himself. Good lord, that's me. 
  • Some people ask whether there even has to be a trial since the alleged killer confessed. You want to live in a world where a cop comes out of a room and says, "He confessed" and that's all that is needed to be locked up for life or executed? 
  • Baylor is 41-9 in its last 50 games, averaging 50.1 points and 607.6 yards since November 2011. But, of course, "they haven't played anyone." They are Walter White with a machine gun.
  • I would have preferred a headline of, "That's a tough one, pal" . . . . 

Wife Of Our (Indicted) Texas Attorney General Sings "I'm pistol packin' mama and my husband sues Obama"


I would pay money to see a photo spread of the "Golden Corridor Republican Women's Club."


Secret Video Of Me Trying To Dance With A Girl On My Sports Weekend*

I was still able to make it to the game.

(Man, what a weird guy with issues out the wazoo.)
* Please tell me you know I'm kidding

Let's Go To A Soccer Game . . . Oh, My!!! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Man, I could study those first 40 seconds more than I could study the Zapruder film. Wow. Crazy gals! Crazy guys! Haymakers! Chaos! Anarchy!

But props to this guy (although there seems something video photoshopped about it which would make me very sad if that's the case. I hope this is real life.)

I Don't Understand This At All

Then again, I didn't quite understand a devout Christian playing with Ted Nugent on Cat Scratch Fever:

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

  • That's a bonus second pic because someone sent it to me. That is Raquel Welch (now age 75) from back in the day.  And I love that billboard in the background. True Grit was rated "M"? I don't remember "M". Admission: I've never seen True Grit and was stunned to see Glen Campbell's name on the billboard. I had no idea. (I've referenced his Wichita Lineman on this blog an embarrassing number of times.)
  • We now have the most bizarre story of the year: Former Dallas Maverick and Kardashian-by-marriage Lamar Odom is in critical condition after being found unconscious at a Nevada brothel owned by Dennis Hof (who is famous for the Cathouse reality series on HBO.)  To ramp this up, Odom had taken "herbal Viagra", drank a bottle of Cognac, had been at the "house" for three days, and had to be driven to the hospital because he was too tall for Careflight. (I think my head just exploded from typing this.) EDIT: Wait a second. Someone just mentioned that the 911 call was placed by former Ticket employee Dick Hunter (who was a huge fan of Dennis Hof and got married at the Bunny Ranch)!
  • And I only thought my Sports Weekend was pretty kick arse. 
  • Not to kick the guy while he is down, but The Ticket had a round table a couple of years back and agreed the Odom was the biggest spare in Mav's history because he didn't even remotely care about giving an effort. Mark Cuban shockingly called in to tell them they didn't know what they were talking about because they "didn't know" what he knew. (See: "Smartest guy in the room.")  Odom was signed by the Mavericks for $8.2 million for the 2012 season, ended up being one of the most shocking free agent busts in NBA history and was eventually allowed to simply walk away. Cuban always says, "If you don't see the sucker at the table, the sucker is you." 
  • I've never had a flu shot. I've never had the flu. 
  • "A former employee on Tuesday filed suit to formally have Dallas County District Attorney Susan Hawk removed from office . . . The lawsuit comes under a rarely used, obscure provision in the law that allows nearly any [county] resident to seek the removal of an elected official based on incompetence, official misconduct or drunkenness, on or off duty." It's not an "obscure provision", it is an insane law. Here it is in the Texas Local Government Code: "Sec. 87.013.  GENERAL GROUNDS FOR REMOVAL.  (a)  An officer may be removed for: (1)  incompetency; (2)  official misconduct;  or (3)  intoxication on or off duty caused by drinking an alcoholic beverage."  You read that last provision correctly: A public official in Texas can be removed from office for getting drunk in his home. 
  • Then again, Susan Hawk makes $210,000 in taxpayer money plus benefits and retirement. 
  • Her lawyer called the lawsuit an “outrageous abuse of the system.”  Jackie Chiles, the lawyer from Seinfeld, once said a lawsuit was "lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!"
  • I didn't watch a second of the Democratic debate. Those debates will play no role in the eventual outcome. 
  • I've never seen an episode of the TV show Fargo despite the fact that I know I'd love it. 
  • I walked out of the bathroom this morning and saw that Mrs. LL was watching The Heartbreak Kid starring Ben Stiller. I've always loved that movie, but I've never found anyone else who even remotely agrees with me. Sheesh! It's a Farelly brothers' film!


Jogger In High Tone Area Beaten To Death By Former Aggie Not Identified?

But I do want to make sure that we all blame Johnny Football:

Get Me This Tentative Puppy!!!!

A Tale Of Two Cities . . . Uh . . . I Mean States

From today's news:

From the Texas DPS twitter feed this month:

Who do you think will win this war? Is there a place in Vegas I can gamble everything I own on it?

Idiocracy Has Been Ramped Up

Bad taste. Bad bit. Bad acting. Staged. Not a prank.

But based upon the youtube comments, no one seems to realize it. And normally the commentors on youtube are the first to call stuff out. Is it a new generation? Are they drinking soft drinks with more electrolytes and molecules?

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

  • I watched a little of the great movie Snatch last night (which I think is Brad Pitt's greatest role), and it reminded me of something. It doesn't matter how smart you are, how rich you are, or how "gangsta" you think you are: You do not get in a battle with people who have nothing to lose. 
  • There was a murder on White Creek Trail near a bridge in Dallas yesterday which I posted about. I jogged there once in an organized race and that area creeped me out. 
  • If House Republicans can't even agree on a Speaker I doubt the party will be able to nominate a presidential candidate that stands a chance of winning. It is a dysfunctional and split family. 
  • A man was freed in Dallas yesterday after serving 25 years in prison based upon the stupid "science" of "bite mark evidence" where a freaking dentist testified there was a 1 in a million chance that the marks on the victim came from anyone other than the defendant. You kidding me?   Think about this: In the famous Lake Waco Murders, David Wayne Spence was executed by the government after his conviction based upon "bite mark science".  One of his co-defendants was also found guilty but after a reversal on appeal, and a re-trial in Tarrant  County on a change of venue, he was found not guilty. Read Careless Whispers - a thirty year old book which is fantastic.  
  • It's rare to see a fresh newspaper on a front lawn. 
  • It's a weird college football world: Steve Spurrier quits mid-season at South Carolina, the USC coach gets fired because of drunkenness, and Baylor sits at #2 and TCU at #3 in the polls. It's Bizarro World.
  • A friend read my Sports Trip post yesterday and later walked past me and said, "Hey, Walter Mitty, that was a heck of a weekend." You know, I am Walter Mitty. And I'll be dang if The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty wasn't on TV last night. (And I flipped between it, Phantom of the Opera and Gone Girl.)
  • In yesterday's Random Thoughts, I mentioned Mount Everest, climbing to the top of Guadalupe Peak, and taking risks that might kill me one day. Keeping in mind the above bullet point, look at this line from the great book Into Thin Air (by the author of my often mentioned Into The Wild):  "Walter Mittys with Everest dreams need to bear in mind that when things go wrong up in the death zone (above 26,000 feet)—and sooner or later they always do—the strongest guides in the world may be powerless to save [you]." Mitty. Everest. Climbing. Death.
  • I forgot to mention yesterday that I took the trip carrying only a backpack. There is something incredibly freeing about traveling with only a backpack. (And I no longer fold my clothes. I roll them up.)
  • I loved a comment yesterday from someone who said I wasn't a real "sports fan" because on my Sports Trip I left a game early. I would like to alert the public there is someone out there who is so mentally disturbed that he thinks I take those trips to see who wins the games.
  • A buddy asked me yesterday if my reference to "Time is not your friend" was some type of secret code that I have a terminal illness. I told him, "No, I don't. At least as far as know.  But we are all dying."


An "Oh, My" From Dallas

And here's a DMN article from 2014 regarding "where is he now?"

Let's Check In On Some Sports

The Astros are on the verge of losing and our idiot Governor congratulates them for winning.
But he knows sports!

And speaking of goofballs, the Rangers' Derek Holland just got shelled in the first two innings. #NeverEverResignHim. He's managed to play in 16 games in two years and has earned $12.8 million for his effort.

This Breaking Story Is Bizarre


Woman Just Casually Snorting Coke At Astros Game?

A video posted by @thebeastufc on
Let's replay that from a different angle:

Scantily Clad Cheerleaders Are A Little Odd For 2015 -- Or Will It Just Get Worse?

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

  • Cue the orchestra music. It's a weekend in review edition of Random Thoughts. And it was glorious. 
  • It was late last Thursday when I thought about taking another long weekend. I've never driven to the Midwest, and  Baylor was playing at Kansas at noon on Saturday. Maybe I could drive up, stop at Oklahoma City to see the Memorial, and listen to an audio book the entire way. That would be relaxing. 
  • Any other sporting events going on up there, I thought? I looked at the Kansas City Chiefs schedule and they were at home and kicking off at noon. That's a football double header that can be hard to find. It would be a heck of drive back after the game but it could be done. 
  • No way the Kansas City Royals were playing, right? I didn't even know if they were in the playoffs. I'll be dang. They were playing Friday afternoon at home against the Astros. Now my mind is racing. Fly in early Friday if I could find a cheap flight and then fly back Sunday afternoon? After all, both are in Kansas City and that's where the airport is. 
  • That's a crazy schedule but from late Saturday afternoon and into the night my time would be free. Anything else going on? I checked the schedule for the University of Missouri and they were playing at home against Florida. This would work. Watch the Baylor game at noon in Lawrence Kansas and drive to Columbus, Missouri for a night game. Heck, that gets me in proximity for the Chiefs game the next day at noon. 
  • One last check: Who does Kansas State play and are they at home? Holy crap. TCU. At home. A night game. It's right down the road from Baylor's game at Kansas. This is the greatest Sports Trip Perfect Storm I've ever seen. I buy tickets on StubHub. It cost me $6 for the Baylor game. The Royals game had a cheap ticket for standing room only. The Chiefs game had nosebleed seats that were cheap. The most expensive ticket was for TCU/Kansas State which cost me $100. I'm spending less on four tickets than some hipster couple will spend on dinner and a night out on 7th Street in Fort Worth on Saturday night. 
  • The key to these trips is to be flexible, prepare to wake up early, prepare to drive, and prepare to eat cheaply. (The latter is no issue for me since I'll take a fast food chicken sandwich over a steak from Del Frisco's any day of the week).  My flight left DFW at 7:20  on Friday morning which caused me to wake up at 4:00. I made it with no issues since no one else in their right mind is up that early.
  • On the plane I sat next to an incredibly cute 20 something year old who was getting her arse whipped by an Eric Dickerson look alike who would not shut up. I was entertained -- until I fell asleep at take off.
  • I land but I've got one problem: I had no where to stay. I drive to the "Sports Complex" in Kansas City which amazingly has Arrowhead Stadium and and Kaufman County Stadium side by side. I see a Marriott hotel right across the street. I walk in and ask for a room. Yep. $90. You kidding me? And they let me check in on the spot at 10:30 a.m. which is insane. There is a Taco Bell on the property. I'm in heaven. 
  • I walk over to the Royals/Astros game at 2:30. Verdict: That place is fantastic. The fountains in the outfield are amazing and the fans were insane. (They like their baseball up there). And big shout out to the standing room only concept: You could go anywhere and always see the action.
  • I go back to the room, watch highlights of what might be the most amazing Rangers game in their history, and fall asleep. But before I do, I look for hotel rooms in Lawrence or Manhattan for the next night. There is nothing available. How is that possible?
  • At 5:45 a.m. on Saturday, I'm out the door and off to Lawrence, Kansas. For some reason, I was worried about parking for the Baylor game so when I got to the Kansas campus I was surprised to learn that I probably could have parked on the 50 yard line and they wouldn't even have charged me.
  • I roamed the University of Kansas stadium as the sun is rising. (During that, I remembered The Ticket's Norm Nitzges once almost tearing up talking about the poaching of elephants because "those wonderful creatures  just love to roam for miles and miles". I realized that all my life I've just loved to roam.)
  • Then I roamed so much I couldn't find my car. Seriously. I couldn't find my car for over two hours.
  • That campus may be the most beautiful one I've ever been on. (An October day with wonderful weather doesn't hurt.) The buildings were amazing and, for a state that is supposed to be flat, that campus has more elevation changes than Everest. At its highest peak, right above the stadium and next to a gorgeous bell tower, you could see for miles.
  • I left the game at halftime. Baylor scored over 50 in the first half. It was like Southlake playing Boyd, and I felt truly sorry for Kansas. I went down to a Waco once where on a Saturday night Texas beat Baylor so badly I walked away before the half. I went down there once and saw Oklahoma beat Baylor senseless, and I knew it was going to happen on the ride down. I know what it is like. 
  • I'm off to Manhattan at this point to see TCU/Kansas State.  I'm staying at a Holiday Inn Express and the amount I paid is embarrassing. And the only reason I found a room within 40 miles of Manhattan was because I had awoken in the middle of the night and found the last room in the world had become open. It would end up being worth every dime. 
  • During the drive, I noticed I've developed a small "head twitch" that I can't control. I wondered about the first signs of  Parkinson's, and I thought of Michael J. Fox. 
  • Shout out to Kansas highways: They are great. And there were two signs that got my attention. One was that I was going past Leavenworth. That's a famous prison location and for a moment I mistakenly thought that the killers of In Cold Blood were executed there. Then I realized I was actually in the land of In Cold Blood.  (I wondered where the Cutter house was and if I could get to it.) The other sign concerned directions to the Brown vs. Board of Education memorial as I was going through Topeka. Well,  I'll be. That landmark segregation case involved the Topeka Board of Education. 
  • Here comes my biggest mistake. Hey, I just hiked to the highest point in Texas two weeks ago.  No problem. I'm a middle aged machine. My hotel at Kansas State was a little over three miles from the stadium so I thought that would be a great walk through a small Kansas town. And I didn't have to worry about parking, and it is a beautiful day. I do it.
  • That town is fantastic. It's like a little Austin.  The walk was great. But a little further than I thought.
  • I get to the stadium and I've never seen so much purple. I'm wearing my green Baylor shirt which causes me to get attention which is something I dread. (It dawns on me I might have made a deliriously choice since I've been up since 5:00 a.m.)  Two guys in purple come up to me and inquire why I was there. I explain my football trip and tell them, with almost anger in my voice, that I'm there to support them beating the crap out of TCU.  They are wearing purple but they then point to the emblem on their shirts. Those are TCU shirts they are wearing. I have Slumped Shoulders and apologize. Profusely. They are great sports about it. 
  • Here's my biggest mistake: In what may be the greatest college football game of 2015, I leave at halftime. The walk there took more out of me than I anticipated, and I was going to have to walk back in the dark. (These type of mistakes is how I will die one day.)
  • I stop at Subway on the way back and grab a sandwich to and dang near stumble back to the hotel because of exhaustion. I was actually praying no one at the front desk would see me because I was afraid I would hear, "Sir, are you OK? Do we need to call an ambulance?"
  • I make it up to the room and lay down. I will awake at 3:00 a.m. cuddling an uneaten Subway sandwich. I suppose it could have been worse. Maybe. 
  • The next morning I'm off early again. This time it's to Arrowhead Stadium to see the Chiefs/Bears.  I got there over two hours early yet traffic was a nightmare. And I paid $30 to park on dirt. My hotel from two days earlier was closer to the stadium than my spot. 
  • At the game, a bunch of guys ask me why I wasn't cheering and why I was wearing a "neutral" color. (It was black).  I tell them about my weekend. I expect them to laud my as a Renaissance Man but instead they look at me like I was Charles Manson.
  • I make it back to the airport with the only odd thing being a middle age woman walking past a television and sees the Cowboys score was 3-0. She looks at me and says, "Yes!!! The Cowboys are losing!!!"  Hey, lady, I'm here on on a sports trip but the scores don't matter to me.