This is a Texas Monthly article which I distinctly remember reading during lunch back when it was first published. I wrote a post about it immediately afterwards, and I remember writing, "I didn't intend to cry during my lunch hour."
It qualifies as a "long read", but this awarding winning article will be the best thing you read this year. Or maybe ever.
- Is the Messenger"s Update being published today? Nope. Once again, I prove I'm the hardest working man in show business.
- News breaks fast these days. I saw Adam Shefter's Romo-is-hurt tweet in real time yesterday, and The Ticket read it within two minutes.
- And make no mistake about it: He's done for the year. Jason Garrett saying he is "day to day" does nothing but hurt the coach's credibility. And he doesn't have much credibility left to damage.
- Final sports note: The best I can tell, Chan Gailey is unemployed.
- Worst comedian ever: George Lopez. And since I'm on the subject, Louis C.K. ain't that great. Edit: Someone asked me who I think is funny. I've heard only one bit of his but Aziz Ansari made me laugh out loud.
- I've never read Death to The BCS but from what I've heard it is an indictment of the college bowl system. Not because of team match-ups, but because of the financial robbery that goes on. Case in point: The Dallas Observer reported that the director of the Cotton Bowl Classic made over $1 million last year.
- Is there any chance in the world that Jesus would not be disgusted with what has become of the American Christmas?
- I haven't seen one story about Arlington's Interlochen.
- I've had a cold for two days. I don't get colds.
- I think the story of the year has to be the "hit" on the assistant DA as well as the DA and his wife in Kaufman County. That story could be a movie.
- Stores staying open 24 hours at Christmas time seems silly. Do they make any money from 1:00 a.m. to 6:00 a.m.?
- It's so strange to see UPS and the U.S. Postal Service delivering on Sunday.
- I went and visited someone in the jail yesterday. I figured a Christmas week visit would boost his spirits. I'm not sure it worked.
- The day before President Obama was elected, the Dow was at 9,320. Yesterday it closed at 16,294 -- a record high. Lots of filthy rich capitalists have gotten much richer during the tenure of that "socialist" President.
- Update on the case of the Central Texas deputy killed while serving a warrant earlier this week: "Hank [Magee], like any homeowner, defended himself and his pregnant girlfriend," famed Houston lawyer Dick DeGuerin said Monday. Hey, DeGuerin has a great reputation, but I would have left out the "pregnant girlfriend" part if I was talking to a reporter.
- You'll see "skeleton crews" on local newscasts during the holidays. It is just odd when there is one anchor who goes from story to story instead of "throwing it" to another anchor.
- Reporter Marcus Moore this morning on Channel 8 news: "Retailers get up to 40% of their profits in the final hours of the Christmas shopping season/" That was so ridiculous it caused me to look up at the screen. A screen which had a graphic that read: "Retailers make up 40% of their annual sales during Christmas shopping season." That's more like it
- Every time I see those Michael Bolton commercials for Honda, I think they are doing a bit. They're not.
- And Apple sucks me in every time with the kid-married-to-his-phone-who-is-actually-creating-a-family-video commercial. But I did laugh when I saw someone tweet, "That Apple kid will always be a second class citizen in that family no matter how hard he tries."
Cowboys QB Tony Romo has been ruled out the rest of the season due to his back injury, per league source.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) December 23, 2013
Schefter is with ESPN.
Edit: Remember that weird story before training camp that Romo had a "cyst" removed from his back. I wonder if that back is in worse shape than we think.
Next up . . . backup quarterback Kyle Orton.
at 3:24 PM
Source - A small Alabama community got the shock of the season on Saturday when a group of scantily clad gay African American Santas took their Christmas parade route by storm. The Prancing Elites, an all gay dance team known for their provocative moves and outfits, were confused by the invitation to walk the Semmes, Alabama (population 3,000) Christmas parade but swayed and thrust their way through outraged crowds nonetheless. Parade organizers have since apologized for including the Prancing Elites, but the five gentlemen from Mobile think it was all just part of a day’s work. ‘It felt like a regular event,’ dance team leader Kentrell Collins, 26, told AL.com. ‘We were taking a risk, but we always do.’ The team arrived to Semmes and lined up ready to march in fur-trimmed, snug-fitting Santa outfits. Even as the gentleman, in full makeup and Santa hats, stripped off their sweat pants at the parade start, they raised some eyebrows. ‘I had no idea that they would be dressed the way they were and that they would think it’s appropriate for a community Christmas parade,’ said Karen McDuffie, who helped plan the event. ‘Their costumes and the style of dancing were inappropriate.’
at 11:42 AM
It's from Warren Jeffs.
At least I think it's gone out to all prosecutors -- this one went to the Wise County Courthouse. What does it cost to print that thing?
The back of the book has several "revelations" that he has received. One was directed to the Supreme Court of Texas which, I hate to tell him, doesn't hear criminal appeals.
at 10:53 AM
- I had now idea that Alabama Governor George "segregation now, segregation forever" Wallace invoked "state's rights" when he stood in the doorway of a University Alabama building in protest of the enrollment of an African American student. (Famously re-created in Forrest Gump.) The more things change, the more they stay the same.
- I didn't realize that getting drunk on the weekend before Christmas in England was such a big deal. Pictures.
- Sports: (1) Tony Romo completes a game saving pass and all is right with the world. If he missed that then everyone would be calling for the coaching staffs' heads. All because of one play. (2) Philadelphia throttles Dallas next week, right? (3) ESPN went morbid. (4) The best basketball photo you'll see all year.
- Die Hard was based on a novel?
- A bad weekend for the Evil Empire: Three Texas players were declared academically ineligible for the Alamo Bowl, and a former player was arrested for Disorderly Conduct and Assault at Chili's in Grapevine on Saturday night. Chili's! Edit: The story actually says Chill Sports Bar. I could have sworn the first reports yesterday morning said Chili's.
- Horrific: A man and three year old fell 52 stories to their deaths in Manhattan over the weekend. And it was intentional.
- We had six kids in the house over the weekend. I liberally invoked my Mrs. LL authorized right to "disappear" on numerous occasions.
- Leaders of the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth recently had stained glass installed in a campus building which included images of themselves. Some people are not impressed.
- I Googled an old law school girlfriend and found out she lives in a five bedroom, six and a half bath, 5,500 square foot house in Highland Park valued at $2.2 million.
- Two things about BagofNothing this morning: (1) You have to read his condom buying story, and (2) we were both stopped down by this picture of a grieving widow this weekend.
- A guy running for Congress (who has a website that looks like he already is a member of Congress) compared that Duck Dynasty guy to Rosa Parks.
- And Cracker Barrel decided to remove Duck Dynasty products from its shelves and then immediately retracted the decision. It was good to see them stand on principle for one day.
at 8:39 AM
- The President freed two Texans who were serving life sentences because of our insane War on Drugs.
- A public relations challenged DA in Pennsylvania issued a press release announcing he had arrested Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer for Flying While Intoxicated )which explained why his nose was red.)
- It's Constitutional Law 101 that "Freedom of speech" protects your from government sanctions but not private retribution. Yesterday Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, and even Ted Cruz didn't understand that as they cited free speech in the Duck Dynasty controversy.
- And that Duck Dynasty controversy turned into a beat down yesterday. Still the best thing that ever happened for that show and A&E.
- In what must have been an afternoon delight, the Wellington Skyrockets won the Class 1A Division II state title yesterday at Cowboys Stadium.
(Rimshot followed by "rock me")
- The Sophomore in the House came in with oversized sunglasses outlined with flashing Christmas lights. I asked her, "Who are you, Elton John?" Her response: "Who?"
- We've got family staying for the weekend including a ton of kids. Mrs. LL told me what events I had to attend but, other than that, I'm free to disappear.
- Three of my last four Petitions for Discretionary Review to the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals have been granted -- including one in a DWI case this week. (If you know what that means you'll probably be impressed.) Last year, the court only granted 6.4% of all Petitions.
- Isn't it that special time of year where riots break out over Air Jordans?
- I haven't received a speeding ticket since 1991.
- There was a big motorcycle chase in Wise County last night. Jail records indicate it was 23 year old out of Krum.
How do you plan to spend the cold days of December? http://t.co/Rwf5AYc3bG #GetTalking pic.twitter.com/PBQ397yLf4
— Barack Obama (@BarackObama) December 17, 2013
Man, I completely missed this. The President sent out this tweet a couple of days to encourage people to sign up for Obamacare.
I had no idea this guy dressed in a onesie had become the object of conservative humor. But he is a pretty easy target.
at 9:04 AM
- So some guy on Duck Dynasty makes anti-homosexual remarks so the network suspends him? I'm serious when I say this: I think the A&E Network was caught off guard by the comments but then decided to do a publicity stunt with the suspension. His words come as no surprise, and his audience will rally to support him. So why else suspend him other than to grab headlines? The publicity that the show is getting this morning is both outrageous and priceless. This is all an orchestrated charade.
- In the last eight years, only four of almost 2,700 UT Law students have failed the bar exam at least two times. Two of those four students are children of state lawmakers who may have peddled their influence to get their kids admitted to the school in the first place.
- Kidd Kraddick is on the cover of D Magazine's January issue with an accompanying long article about "his secret". It is fantastic, riveting, and a must read if you have any interest in the guy at all. But I've got a feeling that article only scratches the surface of a complicated and tormented guy.
- There was a wreck on 380 in Bridgeport yesterday and, if my math is correct, there were seven people in one of the cars.
- A Waco Grand jury cleared Baylor football player Ahmad Dixon of any wrongdoing after a September arrest. He was suspected of assaulting a guy he thought broke into his apartment (no medical attention was needed) . TCU coach Gary Patterson is not impressed. (Patterson thought Dixon should have been suspended.)
- Funny line heard on the radio yesterday about the "Jesus was white" controversy: "If God could pull off the virgin birth, it's not hard to believe he could make Jesus white, too."
- I'm not a basketball fan, but I love rules and their interpretation. That's why I find this full court pass and shot with .3 on the clock (which was made but waived off) so fascinating. Who knew there was a specific rule when there was .3 or less on the clock?
- A positive sign for Republicans: A shocking number of people (72%) consider "big government" the biggest threat to the U.S. They've been preaching it for years. They would be smart to run with it.
- The Dallas Observer blog got tons of hits, and sucked in The Drudge Report by claiming that Texas highest criminal court had approved search warrants based upon "future crimes." And although the Minority Report type headline gets attention, nothing could be further from the truth. That was one line from the dissent, and the majority opinion didn't address the issue.
- I think Will Ferrell is funny. I liked Old School, Step-Brothers, his bit in Party Crashers. his very small role in the greatness that is Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, A Night At The Roxbury (very underrated), and Talladega Nights (his best). But here's a confession: I thought Anchorman was average at best, and I may be giving it too high of a ranking.
- Stumbled upon the old Adam Sandler's Hanukkah Song last night. I promise that if you played that for a 20 year old today, she/he would have no idea who 90% of the people referenced in the song are. (Dinah Shore, Rod Carew, Bowzer.) We be getting old, people.
- Probably the greatest ending to any TV show was that of Six Feet Under.
- We've got a new "And Another" out of Wylie but with no details and only a bad book-in photo.
- UT has appointed an eight person "advisory team" to help the athletic director in selecting a new football coach. It looks like they chose people who are in fields completely unrelated to football.
(Source) A former Cirque du Soleil acrobat broke his neck instead of a world record when he attempted to flip through 10 panes of glass. Jesus ‘Half Animal’ Villa, from Las Vegas, slammed head-first into the glass in July and has spent months in hospital recovering. The daredevil now hopes to raise $100,000 to help pay for his ‘ultimate comeback’. He already had a successful operation in July this year and but needs help with the costs which would also cover nursing and physical therapy.
If a hard working American -- who just happens to be the worst at what appears to be a noble profession -- has to beg to get his medical bills paid then there's something wrong with this country.
(It's a good thing I didn't know about this before it happened. I'd bet big money that a guy named "Jesus" and "Half Animal" would have pulled it off.)
at 1:39 PM
- Sheriff Joe - If the KKK held an election for a sheriff, he'd win in a landslide
- Nancy Grace - If charges are filed against you, you're guilty
- Sean Hannity - Doing a bit all the way to the bank
- Rush Limbaugh - Ditto
- Mark Cuban - Living off dumb Yahoo! money for over a decade
- Lane Kiffin - He could make Baylor 0-11 next year as a head coach
- Dennis Prager - Thrice married pseudo intellectual radio host who thinks college will corrupt you because you're not smart enough to develop your own belief system.
- Ben and Skin - Sports radio personalities on The Fan who specialize in unfunny bits
- Joe Jamail - His days as a UT bully are numbered
- Judge Jerry Ray - Retired judge who didn't understand that a Fort Worth jury understood DWI law more than he did
- Sen. Lindsey Graham - He's a dumb Ted Cruz
- Joel Osteen - I'm finally on to this guy
- Harry Reid - The Democrats need him as a spokesperson like they needed Tip O'Neill
- Chris Berman - Even once he retires from ESPN, he will never leave this list
- George P. Bush - Trying to capitalize on a name that can't be capitalized upon
- Greg Abbott - A bigger fraud and panderer than Rick Perry. And I didn't think that was possible
- The Family Cat - But she's better than she used to be
- Dan Patrick - the Texas Lt. Gov. candidate, not the sports guy
WatsonWatkins- He became Dallas DA in a shocking Democratic takeover and, despite not being able to spell Penal Code, they may never be able to get rid of him
- Mark Levin - Right wing radio host who makes me think, "Why are you yelling? You're a foot from me."
- Dennis Miller - realized he could avoid irrelevance by hate filled rants for the Fox News crowd
- Robin Thicke - Does he realize he'll have to sing that song for the rest of his life?
- Clarice Tinsley - I hold her personally responsible for that horrible Fox 4 bit of reading viewers' reaction on Facebook on a flatscreen and then reading comments from her phone
- Ken Anderston - Former Williamson County DA responsible for wrongful imprisonment of Michael Morton
- President Obama - The only shock is that it took the commenters over five minutes to add him.
- Me - For inaccurate sports predicting and ambulance chasing. (Obviously from someone who knows me so very, very well.)
- Daniel Snyder - Redskins owner
- Rowdy - Cowboys' mascot and should be a Hall of Famer on this list
- TxDot engineer who designed 287/350 interchange
- Tom Bishop - former constable
- Decatur PD
- Justin Beiber - I should have thought of him
- Kathleen Sebelius
- Michael Bloomberg - Billionaire mayor of New York who wants to deprive you of sodypop
- Martin Bashir - Basically fired from MSNBC for Sarah Palin comments
- Alec Baldwin - Fired from MSNBC for homophobic slur at photographer
- Richard Simmons
- Intern who made up the names of the pilots of the Korean Jet that crashed in SF - I couldn't disagree more. This guy was a genius.
- Montague County Sheriff Paul Cunningham - nominated by employee. Make that a disgruntled employee.
- Gretchen Carlson - Fox News blonde
- Ann Coulter - Can't believe I forgot about her, but she's got a much lower profile these days.
- Turf - The Bridgeport/Decatur rivalry never gets old
- Testosterone cream - Ok, that was funny.
- Doug Fulwood - former Decatur band director. (Man, we're getting deep into this now.)
- Eric Holder - What took you guys so long?
- Nancy Pelosi - Ditto
- Wendy Davis - Ditto
- Joe Biden - Ditto
- Piers Morgan - I really like this CNN guy.
- David Dewhurst - I would have put him on my list but it's just too dang obvious.
- MzChief - Her recent appearance guaranteed a nomination.
- Repete - Call back joke regarding a WFAA weather graphic
- Real Housewives of [Anywhere] - Not a bad selection
- Toronto Mayor Rob Ford - How dare you nominate him, sir!
- Sarah Palin - She made a strong push to make my list with her War on Christmas book, but overall she was quiet this year.
- Courtney Stodden - Oh, come on. She has something to offer.
- John Cornyn
- "Speaks volumes" guy and the guy who uses "Obammy"
- "Simon Cowell Nicki Minaj Lady Gag - not mispelled" - They are so far off my radar that I didn't even consider them
- Walter White - Don't even joke about including him. Especially since he died in that car and had that lengthy revenge dream.
- Britney Spears - The official LL girl? No way.
- "And Another" Teachers
- The Decatur Beggar - It's not nice to dogpile at Christmas time.
- "John Holmes Ghost" Guy - He pushes the envelope, but he's got a little something
- Wordkyle - Let the record reflect he finally made the list at 3:22 p.m.
- "Snow monkeys - The Double Fake Nolan Ryan" - Hey, they may be your nemesis, but they are just lovable little creatures to the rest of us.
at 9:05 AM
- Hey, where is Bacon? I have no idea how I'm doing on the Random Thought Girls.
- The Cult is at Billy Bob's tonight? (Although I can't say I know one of their songs other than the greatness of She Sells Sanctuary.)
- "'Affluenza' Teen Ethan Couch's Wild Millionaire Parents Accused of Laundry List of Crimes and Traffic Violations" - From some site called "The Christian Post". And the article is interesting only if you think having a pre-2000 history of traffic tickets, hot checks, and one dismissed assault case is newsworthy.
- The judge in that case apparently did not formally pronounce a sentence on two companion intoxication assault cases which were tried at the same time. The Tarrant County DA's office is now grandstanding by saying they'll seek jail time on those charges. Good luck with all that. The chances of a retiring judge being bullied by public pressure are slim and none
- Back when Richie Whitt started his blog (paywall still there), one of the first things he wrote was, "Who would blog for free?" (Two thumbs up, pointing back, "This guy!")
- My dad made sure I had a credit card by the time I was eighteen. Actually, it was an American Express. He told me it was pretty simple: When you use it, you'll have to pay for it a month later. Because of that I never considered charging something to be a "loan". I considered it to be thirty days of convenience.
- November was the warmest November on Earth since we've been keeping records since 1980. Evidence of Global Warming? I don't know. Compare: Some guy in Decatur who vehemently mocks the concept of Global Warming because of a cold day in Wise County last week.
- Mark Davis went on a War On Christmas rant on the radio this morning calling those who would take offense to a public/government school promoting the Christian holiday as "having a mental illness."
- Maddeningly hypnotic: "Corpus Christi Coons!"
- Some are doggin' me for not talking politics. Honestly, there's not a whole lot of politics that goes on in December.
- There was another house explosion, this time in Azle, yesterday. And we aren't talking minor damage. The entire home is gone.
- "I pay over 60 cents of every dollar to the government" - Sean Hannity lying on Fox News last night. There is simply no way that is true even if you add up every local, state and federal income tax accessed.
- I forgot to mention that on Saturday of the Baylor/Texas contest I posted about the game seconds before it began. The first comments was within five minutes from the "speaks volumes" guy who was dogging the President. I didn't post it. But if his intention was to momentarily suck the life force out of me, he won.
- With all the lottery talk yesterday, there were constant odd comparisons with one being the chances of being hit/killed by an asteroid. I began to question some of those numbers (you ever heard of anyone being hit by an asteroid?) The first page of a Google search revealed the following different answers: 1 in 3,200 (hit by); 1 in 250,000 (hit by); 1 in 74,817,414 (death by); 1 in 700,000 (death by); 1 in 700,000 (hit by).
- While at Jerry World for the Six Man game on Saturday I learned that giving ATT naming rights has one benefit: They now have free Wifi flowing through that place at full throttle.
- Sports: The Cowboys coaching staff is getting dogged for not running the ball in the second half. Compare Baylor against UCLA in the Holiday Bowl last year once Baylor figured out the run was available. Baylor ran the ball 67 times and threw it only 13 in the 49-26 win. Which coaching staff do you trust more?
- They plan on shutting down the Willow Springs golf course in Haslet in order to build houses on it?
- "Keller teen's probationary sentence prompts Tarrant DA and legislators to push for changes in juvenile law." So the government doesn't get the result it wants so we need to change the laws? What's next? An automatic do-over if they get a "not guilty" verdict?
- Sports: (1) Since 2010, the Aledo Bearcats have more December win in Cowboys Stadium that the Cowboys do -- That's a fact I read but haven't verified. (2) Detroit Lions undrafted rookie TE Joseph Fauria has 7 touchdown catches. Cowboys 2nd-round TE Gavin Escobar has 8 total catches. (3) The Dallas Cowboys leads the NFL in yards per rushing attempt but are last in rushing attempts per game. (4) Mack Brown, in his final press conference, said he might write a book some day on what it's like to be the coach of UT. That almost came across as a subtle threat to expose the folks who tried to undermine him. (5) Dez Bryant will only reach about 65% of his potential because that guy ain't smart, and (6) I learned extra points in 6 Man Football are actually worth two points.
- Deion Sanders founded, was fired from, hired back to, and fired again from Prime Prep Academy. The school board last night voted to fire the school's superintendent which leads everyone to believe Deion will be hired back. Ah yes, stability.
- I think this is the first year that I didn't have to add anything to our Christmas lawn decorations. Just pull everything out of boxes and set it up. (I even had a stash of replacement bulbs.) It only took eleven years.
- Loved the story on Fox 4 last which included interviews of people buying lottery tickets for the Mega Millions Jackpot. One guy said he only buys one ticket because buying more would "not increase your odds." Not sure about that, buddy. (I'm not saying it will increase your odds in any significant way, but it will increase your odds.)
- Mystery: A five year old Frisco kindergartner gets sick at lunch and dies hours later.
- Breaking: Six American troops killed in Afghanistan plane crash
- Mrs. LL and I watched a "documentary" on The Lake Worth Goat Man on a show called Monsters and Mysteries in America. I didn't learn much because it may have been the worst produced show in the history of ever. And the acting was worse -- except for the sound of a cat which caused The Family Pup to furiously search the house for it.
- The show also had a feature on chupacabra sighting in Texas which included a 911 call in Jack County but no reference to the incident in Runaway Bay a couple of years back.
- The most 2013 Googled "what is" questions concerned, twerking, ricin, DOMA, sequestration, lupus, molly, gluten, Obamacare, Snapchat, and Bitcoin.
- A family's video Christmas card goes viral. I wonder if they are really that happy.
- The National Finals Rodeo is leaving Las Vegas after twenty-nine years and is moving to Orlando.
at 8:40 AM