Alabama's Interim Coach Makes Me Laugh

I'll speculate he's had a cigarette or two in his life.

Peace On Earth, Good Will Towards Men

I note that The Drudge Report had a link to the actual video of the hanging. Ah, yes, a civilized society. "In addition Saturday, the U.S. military announced the deaths of two more American soldiers. The casualties raised the number of American personnel killed in Iraq this month to 108 and made December the deadliest month of 2006."


Mike Leach Casts Voodoo Curse

For those four of you that can get the NFL Network, the Tech/Minnesota game is outstanding. As I break away from my 23-year-old-scantily-clad-date at Iguana Mirage (sorry, that's the funniest bar name I could think of), Tech just tied the game up with a 52 yard field goal with no time remaining on the clock. We're on to overtime. And Tech was down 38-7 in the third quarter with 7:47 left on the clock. For a moment, I've got My Guns Up. Just this once. Update: Tech wins. The boys on my television tell me that it is the greatest comeback (31 points) in any bowl game in "the history of ever." (I'm pretty sure they said that.) Now, where did my date go?

Well, This Should Calm Things Down

Get ready. The fiasco of Iraq is just about to get worse. The trial was laughable (i.e. witnesses hidden behind a screen) and now the death penalty will be imposed after a sham of an appellate process. The Sunnis will not be pleased. The number of U.S. troops killed so far is nearing 3,000. It's unforgivable to have a single one of them in harm's way at this moment.

Rainy Window

And if your listening to AM radio today, be prepared for the National Weather Service alert to go off after every 15 minutes.

The Year In Mug Shots

And we are missing Tom Delay.

Just Heard This Book Advertised On WBAP

Guaranteed? That would have answered all my earlier questions about prayer.

So Much For Family Values

What makes this story interesting is that the kid's father is the linebackers' coach at Baylor. Story. I wish failure upon you young man. And may your father never speak to you again.

Teach Your Kids How To Throw A Curve Ball

My Math (which is always suspect): - That's $18 million a year Get this, based upon last year's stats: - That's $529,411.76 per game (34 games) - That's $1,125,000 per win (16) - That's $81,447.96 per inning (221) And thanks to the labor union in baseball, every dime of it is guaranteed - regardless of how he performs or whether he gets injured. Not bad for a 28 year old.


A Bridgeport Resident . . .

. . . showed up on Fox4News tonight in a story about cow cloning. Hey, if Wise County appears on the news, we repost it here. Not sure why.

Barbaro . . .

. . . the would-be Triple Crown winner that broke his leg - but lived to tell about it - has a myspace.com page. Genius.

Not The Way I Want To Die


Ok, it happened again at lunch today. Dear Dallas Morning News Guy: You have tormented me all year. I don't ask much from you - just that a single copy of the Morning News be in either of the two news racks across from the Messenger office. Yeah, I know I could subscribe. Yeah, I know I could pick it up earlier. But I want my paper at noon. I'm a creature of habit that does the same thing every day. I want to read the paper at lunch, not at breakfast, not at dinner, not at the crack of dawn. At lunch. You offer it for 50 cents, and even though you demand exactly two quarters and not "any combination of coins", I am gladly willing to pay it. Heck, I consider it a bargain. Even the Messenger and the Bridgeport Index charge 75 cents. (The Index!!!!!) But you seem to get some sadistic joy in having me walk the two blocks down to the rack only to find it empty. And don't think I'm not aware that you haven't replaced the alternative rack outside of the old Mattie's restuaruant even though Sweetie Pie's, despite its goofy name, causes a ton of people to walk by it everyday. So let this serve as notice that I won't put up with it in 2007. No more Mr. Nice Guy. You hear me? I've been on the verge of losing it for several years and next year could be the year. So if you don't want me to wrap a chain around your news rack and drag it down FM 730 until its beaten to a pulp of twisted metal left for dead in downtown Boyd, then put enough freakin' papers in there to last all day. Or, at the very least, until noon. In Christian Love, BSG

Top Ten Clicked Stories On Dallas Morning News Web Site

1. Student alleges sex with Hebron HS teacher, 144,884 page views 2. Terrell Owens denies suicide attempt, 99,263 3. Austin art teacher defends nude photos, 65,532 4. Watermark Church, ex-member battle over discipline, 46,257 5. 4949 Swiss: Decline of a Diva and her Mansion (Day 2 of a four-day series) , 44,548 6. Gov. Perry believes non-Christians doomed, 40,179 7. The Battle for 4949 Swiss (Day 1 of a four-day series), 39,517 8. Daniels dealt as Mavs pick up a Pacer, 38,043 9. Snap decision can’t save Cowboys in 36-22 loss to Giants, 35,987 10. Scales of justice swing wildly, 35,675 Sports and Nudity are big players. Source (with links). And I hope everyone remembers the teacher from the #1 story was not indicted by a grand jury.

At Least He Knew He Would End Up In A Place Like This

MSNBC's Worst Songs Of The Year

Story here. You know, I like the vast majority of them.

Free Hugs

I saw this on the invention called the television over Christmas. Amazingly, as of this moment, it has been viewed 8,306,694 on YouTube.


Upload a photo. Edit it. Save it. All free. No software to download. Here.

Clerks 2

I finally watched this last night and it didn't disappoint - very funny and very shocking. But it certainly didn't have the same feel as the original black and white version of the original. Jay and Silent Bob make multiple appearances. Always gold.

Ann Curry Joy

My nemeses Ann Curry is filling in as co-host of the Today Show this week. This always makes me excited because I get to see her overact and then panic and say something confusing. There was a gem a second ago. Matt: "No one ever likes their driver's license photos. [Looking at Ann] How's yours?" Ann: [Overacting] Oh! Gosh! Ummmmm! [Puts hand up to confusingly block her face from Matt.] No. Haven't seen it for years." What?

Stuff I Didn't Know

Gerald Ford was a huge "War On Drugs" fan. But I'll let the man rest in peace this week.


Ralph Stebbins

Never heard of him? Me neither. But this Michigan man won a $208 million Mega Millions lottery jackpot with his wife in April of 2005. On Saturday, less than two years from striking gold, he died of a heart attack.

Hey, Now

Jessica Biel at Christmas on the beach. More pics. But I fear her bench pressing abilities.

Final Bows

I love "The Year In Review" stuff whether it be on TV or a magazine. I was looking through Newsweek a second ago and had forgotten that these people had died this year: Dana Reeve, 44 (wife of Christopher Reeve) Al Lewis , 82 (Grandpa Munster) Kenneth Lay, 64 (well, I hadn't forgot, but needed to be reminded) Corretta Scott King, 78 Ann Richards, 73 (Ok, I remembered this one) Lloyd Bentsen, 85

Two Great Inventions

TIVO and a wireless home network. Two of the greatest inventions in the history of . . . you know.

It Would Be Inappropriate . . .

. . . to link to this old SNL skit today. And here's an interesting fact about Ford: He was born with the name Leslie Lynch King on July 14, 1913, in Omaha, Nebraska. When he was just two weeks old, his parents divorced, and his mother moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan, where he grew up. His mother remarried, and he was adopted and renamed after his stepfather, Gerald Rudolph Ford.

I Thought It Was Funny

In case you missed it, the oddly named and sponsored Bell Helicopter Armed Services Bowl was played in Fort Worth last week. Funniest line I heard after the fact: "I think I've now been persuaded to buy a Bell helicopter."

Drive In Days

The Gemini outdoor theater used to be on 28 acres at the corner of Central Expressway and Forest Lane in Dallas. Although the theater had been closed for years, the vacant property sold over the last couple of days for over $20 million. The original newspaper ad for the grand opening of the theater is here. But despite never attending a movie at that theater, it still is the basis for one of my grandest memories. My family and our neighbors were all piled into one car one night as we went to Dallas to eat. I was just a kid so I'd guess it was in the early 1970s. There we were, rolling down the freeway, as we passed by the Gemini Theater. It was already dark so one of the movies was already rolling. And then, shockingly, there it was: A topless women on the big screen! And perfectly visible from the highway. Not just a glancing shot, mind you, but a full fledged scene with the camera remaining on her ample . . . well, you know. Chaos broke loose in the car as the kids (and some adults) scrambled for the best look at the screen while a couple of moms scrambled to protect the kids from this glorious wickedness. I was shocked. And overjoyed. But the funniest line came from someone in the car who screamed, "Look out! Someone on this freeway is gonna wreck because no one is watching the road!" It had to be the most dangerous stretch of roadway in the Southwest proper.

That Guy Is Having The Greatest Time In The History Of Ever

Todd Heisler - 2006 Pulitzer Prize Winner for Feature Photography

Explained: When 2nd Lt. James Cathey’s body arrived at the Reno Airport, Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac. (Other photos by him, including a larger version of this one, are here.)

Rep. Virgil Goode Jr. Don't Like Them Muslims . . .

. . . especially when one gets elected to Congress. Source. Sheesh.

Santa on "Cops" - Very Unstable

Tara Reid

The News Of The Day

"Former U.S. President Gerald R. Ford talks with his Chief of Staff Donald Rumsfeld (L) and Rumsfeld's assistant Richard Cheney (R) in the Oval Office of the White House in Washington in this April 28, 1975 file photo." I suppose that "Richard Cheney" is "Dick Cheney" but the resemblance doesn't jump out at me.


Stop Down

James Brown - The Hardest Working Man In Show Business

Two thoughts: (1) He had the funniest bit at the end of every show. He would act like he's running out of energy as he walks off stage, and some guy would always come out and throw a flowing robe over his shoulders. At the last moment, he'd throw the robe off and fire off that crazy James Brown dancing. (2) Eddie Murphy did a great James Brown "Hot Tub" skit years ago on SNL. Here it is (complete with the flowing robe.)

Stay Classy, San Diego

Ok, you've got a 21 second news segment about oil exports in Iraq. So I guess you could blame Fox4News' Dan Godwin saying "expert" instead of "export" once. But twice? (From today's noon broadcast.)

Still Funny


Only 364 Days Until Christmas

Redneck Christmas

Channel 5 did a feature on tailgating at Texas Stadium before yesterday's game. This is a screenshot of a Christmas tree in the parking lot.

Dear Lord, Thank You For My New Machette


Cameras Around New York

Click on Broadway and 46th street to see Times Square in real time. Site here.


I Feel It In My Fingers, I Feel It In My Toes

You know, I love Christmas Day but I think I've decided that Christmas Eve is better. There's just an anticipation in the air that seems almost magical. But enough of that. On a materialistic note, cool gifts today: I got my mom a Roomba (that's a robotic vacuum cleaner which was a blast to watch), and I got a Slingbox.

Cowboys Lose . . .

. . . but T.O. throws down some Santa schtick at the post game press conference.


A Little Sappy, But Not Bad

I saw this in the Dallas Morning News today. It was read this week at the funeral of Lamar Hunt by his daughter. The World Is Mine

Today upon a bus I saw a lovely girl with golden hair She seemed so gay I envied her and wished that I were half as fair Then she rose and hobbled down the aisle She had one leg, but worse a crutch, yet as she passed, a smile Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I have two legs – the world is mine.

Later on I bought some sweets, the boy who sold them had such charm I thought that I would stop awhile, if I were late 'twould do no harm As we talked, he said, 'Thank you, sir, you've been most kind I like to talk with folks like you, for, as you see, I'm blind' Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I have two eyes – the world is mine.

Then, as I was walking down the street I saw a strapping boy with eyes so blue, But he just stood and watched the other children play, it seemed he knew not what to do After awhile I said, 'Why don't you play with the other children, dear?' But he just stared straight ahead, and then I knew he couldn't hear Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I have two ears – the world is mine.

Two eyes to see the sunset glow, Two legs to take me where I wish to go Two ears to tell me all I need to know ... Oh, God, forgive me when I whine, I'm blessed indeed – the world is mine.

Christmas Eve


Decatur Water Shortage

From Fox 4 News tonight: "The Wise County town of Decatur is now under a water emergency. Crews working on the 380 expansion west of Decatur cut through the town's main water supply today. Two of the city's water towers were almost drained by the rupture. The water plant's storage was, though, intact. All residents are being asked to cut water use until the line is repaired." So don't water your lawns.

Santa's List Of Female Teachers . . .

. . . who have been very, very naughty. (Here - and scroll down just a bit.) I think Carrie McCandless and Debra LaFave should receive presidential pardons for Christmas. It's the only humanitarian thing to do.

I Think . . .

. . . I'l start Post Christmas Depression early this year.

A Stocking Stuffer Idea

A former Tyler, Texas undercover drug agent thinks the War On Drugs is silly and plans to sell a video on how not to get caught.

From The Star-Telegram Home Page

If you ever become the subject of headline #1 above, would you think your life went terribly wrong at some point?

Time Waste

Don't hit Santa, but it's pretty funny when you do. And I love the "ooooowwww" when you hit the Will Ferrell looking guy. Here.

Crazy Art I Just Hung In My Office

Corporate America . . .

. . . believes in productivity.

Some People Use Mistletoe, Others . . . .