Afternoon Pick Me Up

Man, I'm a selfish guy. All year long I've posted hot girls as part of the random "Afternoon Pick Me Up" and not once have I given a single thought about the ladies. I've ignored emails from them. Texts. IMs. Telegraphs. And that strange message written in lipstick on my windshield which caused me to give a panicked cell phone call to Sheriff Walker as I knelt behind a dumpster. Well, today I make amends. I present to you: The Santa Speedo Run. That should make up for it. And, man, is this a great idea for a fundraiser for the Wise County Bar Association.

Random Political Thought

The guy that threw the shoe at President Bush is facing up to two years in prison for, get this, "insulting a foreign leader." Not attempted assault. Not even for disrupting a public meeting. But for the Crime of Insult. That's progress? Edit: To see some pretty funny animated GIFs of the shoe throwing event, go here. That didn't take long.

Another Reason To Look Forward to the Obama Presidency

I've got a couple of self-imposed rules for watching youtube videos: (1) They need to be less than 30 seconds, and (2) they need to either include hot girls or some type of crash. That's why I feel guilty about watching this thing the whole way through. It's the farewell White House Barney The Dog Christmas Video. And it's not a parody --- it's an official United States of America production.l And the winner's are: (1) Worst actor in a leading roll: President Bush (let the irony roll) (2) Worst supporting actress: The blonde daughter (who is either Jenna or Barbara - I alwasy get them confused) (3) Worst animation in the history of ever: You will not believe Barney in the role of Michael Phelps. I absolutely promise that the Decatur Alternative Education group could produce better animation given 15 minutes with a Macintosh. (4) Scariest sight: Michael Phelps making a cameo and sporting a goatee (5) Best moment: There's some blonde that shows up in the end which I think might have been a gymnast in the last Olympics. (6) Future guarantee: Obama will at least have Beyonce or somebody given it the What For in aSanta Clause skirt or something.

I Can't Imagine

When I was kid, a neighbor was involved in a horrible accident about the same time as a holiday (I'm pretty sure it was Thanksgiving.) I remember one of my family members remarking about how difficult it would be for the victim's family because they would be reminded of it every year when that holiday rolled around. That stuck with me so much. What a sad thing to happen. And to be just be driving down the road and doing nothing wrong only for it all to end. At the risk of being overly dramatic, it could happen to any one of us at any time. It stopped me in my tracks this morning.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• Reporters on the side of the road now are required to wear yellow reflective vests per "federal regulations"? (That's what Fox 4 told me.)
• There is a lot of junk bought during Christmas-time
• If I'm driving down the road in freezing temperatures and it starts misting, I get pretty concerned in a hurry.
• Freezing to death would be near the top of my list on ways I don't want to go out.(And I've got a pretty long list.)
• Jeff Bolton of KLIF said at 6:30 this morning there had been "thousands of accidents [pause] . . . at least hundreds of accidents" in the metroplex this morning. When some radio talk show host fires off a statement of fact which I know that he is making up, I tend not to believe anything else that comes out of his mouth.
• I listen to him during the many, manycommercial breaks from The Ticket.
• Just got my first high def/internet bill and it was over $300. Ugh. But I think it includes two months as well as some installation charges.
• I'm a fan of gloves. I think gloves make all the difference in the world.
• I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but I had never heard Robert Earl Keene's "Merry Christmas From The Family" until yesterday.
• Considering the uncomfortable "mexican" line in the song, I'm reminded that one of my friends is hispanic but he doesn't know any Spanish. I tell him he's in "heritage denial."
• I wonder what the percentage of mothers love their children more than their husband? I bet it shockingly high.
• Ted Nugent played the National Anthem on his guitar at the Cowboy's game on Sunday night. He didn't sing it, just played it. I don't think a liberal hippie could get away with that, but he can --- he kills animals with a bow which endears him to Texans everywhere.
• Rush Limbaugh showed up at the game, too. I heard him talking about it yesterday and how he had called a good friend before the weekend to find a good restaurant in Dallas. He's that concerned about food that he starts thinking about it days before his arrival.
• I'm not sure why far more than half of all my clients tell me the cops, upon a traffic stop, asked for their "license and registration."
• Being on a city council seems like one of the worst jobs that you can have.
• Have you seen the commercial for Jack FM where the goofy looking guy dances to different styles of music. I don't get it. He can't dance and he's not funny.
• Remember foster moms, don't have the baby of your foster son. The Bible and the Texas Penal Code say it's wrong.
• The fat guy showing his booty from Bridgeport yesterday that I posted? I thought that was a candid camera moment but I might have been wrong. If it was posed, I wouldn't have posted it.
• Alcohol seems to be at every event and every function.
• Congress decides not to bail out the car makers but the White House decides it'll use the previous financial institution bailout money to do so? I'm not sure I understand that three branches of government thingy anymore.
• I promise I'll get my funny mood back.

Man The Sand Trucks ---- It's That Time Of Year Again

After staring at this thing for two hours, I saw a couple of blurbs above Alvord and Runaway Bay. Officially, I call them itty bitty lines of icy stuff that are moving southwest to northeast. If I could, I'd throw it live to Lari Barager who is certainly in the Whataburger parking lot by 287 in Decatur. "What's the conditions our there, Lari?" Edit: I just received this email. Urgent weather update (2:15pm December 15th) in Bridgeport Texas (in front of Steven’s St. Grill): Breezy, Cold and a FULL MOON! (See attached)

Officially A Recession

The the Arena Football League cancels its 2009 season leaving these Dallas Desperado Dancers out of a job. It is carnage.

Last Song To Be Played At Texas Stadium

Link. How about Green Day's ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’? (And, I know, there has to be better suggestions than that.)

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• Whoever came up with the UCLA Underwear Run (pic above) was a Renaissance Man. Edit: Well this week just got better, there's video.
• I'm sleepy.
• I now feel pretty good that I missed the registration deadline for the White Rock Half Marathon. With that wind and that heat, it would have been a beating.
• Horrible that a 29 year old female and a newlywed died during the race. That kinda scares a man.
• The office Christmas party (not mine) always has the potential to be a wheels off event.
• The one I went to had 20 casino tables set up and everyone of them was full. Any question legalized gambling would work in Texas?
• Oddest sight: Guy dancing with a baby for almost an hour on the dance floor. Funniest overheard line about it: "I think that baby's drunk."
• Funnier sight: 1980s bouncy bounce dancing guy.
• The company president addressing the troops is awkward.
• Man, President Bush did a heck of a job ducking that thrown shoe.
• "Police were called out to Fair Park in Dallas Saturday after someone fired a gun into the crowd at Kwanzaa Fest." On KLIF this morning, Jeff Bolton said, "You wouldn't see that happen in Plano, so why does it happen in Fair Park?" The man is pushing it.
• T.O. was booed during introductions last night. It took a couple of years, but we're finally beginning to turn on him.
• What would be the most perfect job that didn't involve being a professional athlete?
• That step off of the roof onto a ladder is a very tense one.
• I missed the Heisman Trophy on Saturday night and I had no idea that former winner Billy Simms acted like a crazy man yelling "Boomer" about 10 times after the award winner was announced.
• Liberty Hill (who beat Bridgeport last week) lost to Celina in the next round, 40-12.

"Don't Taze Me, Bro!"

Mind Bursts

• Ate dinner at a whole in the wall (kinda) off of Main Street in Northside last night. (Costa Azul.) It was almost empty like three other similar restaurants I looked at. Don't know how they stay in business.
• The place had some Spanish TV station on. Observation: Any Spanish female singer tends to run in place while she sings.
• I ordered shrimp fajitas after forgetting that I really don't like shrimp fajitas.
• If anyone every says, "Watch this" before they attempt something, entertainment is certain to ensue.
• The NFL Network is replaying a 1994 Cowboys game against the Giants right now. I had forgotten how much I like Pat Summerall doing play by play. John Madden reminds me how long he has been beating me down.
• I'm going to a Christmas party tonight where I'll know three people (max). Ugh. I'm not a chit chat with strangers kind of guy. I'll have my random thoughts radar in high alert.
• If you're aware of the Dallas Cowboy locker room controversy reported by Ed Werder of ESPN, you'll get a kick out of this (language warning.)

Runaway Without Electricity Again On Saturday

Or so I've been told.

And Another

Hey, now.

Random Thoughts Live From A Seminar

• The current speaker is a judge on the Fort Worth court of appeals. She has "shake voice."
• The guy that welcomed me to the seminar greeted me like we were best friends. And then he fired off a, "What's that name again?"
• Someone told me they like the way I use commas even if grammatically inaccurate. (Not seminar related.)
• I'm at the Marriott across from the Texas Motor Speedway.
• There is less traffic at 8:00 than there is at 6:30
• I can't post a picture of a hot girl because everyone can see my screen. They would think there is something wrong with me.
• When I turned on the TV this morning, an episode of The Andy Griffith Show was on. Gomer, and I'm not making this up, was protesting with a sign that read, "Down With The Gold Standard." Gave me political confused head.
• The current speaker keeps saying "metha-amphetamine" instead of "methamphetmine". Drives me crazy. At least she is not saying methamphetamines.
• There was a quiz before the first speaker about eight Supreme Court cases she was about to discuss. Afterwards she asked how many people correctly answered the quiz. No one raised their hand. I think that was more of a sign of, "If I raise my hand I'm going to appear arrogant." Finally, LeAnn Breading of Denton claimed she answered 7 of 8.
• There's some lady up at the front table that is smoking hawt.
• There is a guy speaking on jury selection right now who is very entertaining. But I remember him four years ago, at a different seminar, suddenly say, "Can I stop for a second? For all of you that work too hard and spend too much time at the office, think twice about it. Your family can fall apart on you when your not looking." As he teared up, he said, "I know."
• Changing gears: I'm thinking about Jennifer Aniston on the cover of GQ this month.
• I just thought about a DWI case I lost as a prosecutor when I was first starting out. A juror came up to me afterwards and asked, "How much did you believe in your case?" One of the best lessons I ever learned.
• Getting commets that a good looking Paradise girl works here. I refuse to go look for her . . . uh . . . be back in a sec after I stroll around the property to stretch my legs.
• Third speaker just says: "Every time a client sits down across from me, I expect a not guilty verdict." Time waste. Sometimes it's about making sure a guilty client doesn't get hurt in the system more than they should. He has 30 minutes to speak --- I don't believe another word he says.
• The guy behind me just answered a question. I can't tell you how high pitched his voice was. It was like a cartoon character.
• The fourth speaker just suggested what color of tie to wear for the second day of trial. I'm paying money for this?
• More coming . . .

I'm Dying In A Seminar

Crazy Swedes

Guys falling off motorcycles, skateboards, or bicycles are a dime a dozen on the Internets. But I like this one - not for the guy doing a face plant but for (1) the demon possessed motorcycle after it loses its rider, and (2) the guy who sticks his face in front of the camera right after impact. I have no idea what he says, but it's funny.

Taken Yesterday

Yeah, you've seen it on the news but it's cooler when someone sends you a pic taken by a real camera by a real human being. (Not those alien TV people.) I've always been confused by the Space Shuttle. Can imagine the initial conversation?: NASA official #1: Uh, we gotta get it back to Florida somehow. NASA official #2: So fly the thing back. NASA official #1: It can't fly. NASA official #2: Whatdayamean it can't fly? NASA official #1: The Space Shuttle can't fly. NASA official #2: We can put a man on the moon but the Space Shuttle can't fly from California to Florida? NASA official #1: Nuh uh. NASA official #2: What do you propose? NASA official #1: We are going to have a 747 give it a piggy back ride. NASA official #2: You're kidding, right? NASA official #1: Nope. NASA official #2: And you call yourself a rocket scientist. (Thanks, Jarhead for the pic.)

From The Liberally Lean Email Bag

On my way to work this morning I saw the strangest looking cat on Business 287 at the 380 overpass. After I took a second glance at it I noticed it had something on its head. So, I turned around and parked near the cat and noticed that it’s head was stuck in a cat food can! Totally unaware of my presence, I captured a “Kodak Moment” and then went to the matter at hand…how to get the can off. Knowing that the can had to be on there tight, I knew that quick reactions were going to be needed. In one lightning fast move, I ripped the can off and that cat’s head popped out of there like a cap gun! All four legs went out in the air and when he landed, he looked up at me and shot out of there like a bullet. There is no telling how long he had been sitting there this cold morning but after he gets over his shock, he will probably be grateful for my efforts! (Thanks Bobby. And the cat presumably thanks you as well.)