blank'/> Liberally Lean From The Land Of Dairy Queen: The Cat Tried To Kill Us

12.04.2010

The Cat Tried To Kill Us

Actual Dumb Cat Next To The Christmas Tree

So it was a little after a 11:00 last night and me and the Misses had just laid/lied down (which means I'm ready to go to sleep and she's about to fire up a movie.)  The night gets quickly interrupted as the Dumb Dog goes on red alert and then higher alert in an attempt to tell us that something in the house isn't right. We quickly realize that she is responding to the whine of our Dumb Cat downstairs. And the Dumb Cat's whine quickly becomes a full fledge cry of pain.

Uh, oh.

Mrs. LL jumps up and goes downstairs and yells back that the cat is stuck in the Christmas tree. Funny. Serves her right. Then things changed instantaneously when Mrs. LL yells, "I need you down here." I stumble down to find Mrs. LL holding a cat whose back paw is caught up in death grip fashion in a twisted Christmas light line. The cat is now in full fledged deranged mode like the ones you see on youtube in a newscast-gone-wrong episode. That cat is mad. That cat is scared. That cat is dangerous.

Now remember the misses has carpal tunnel -- not the best injury at that moment -- but she is also wearing wrist braces at the moment which comes in quite helpful. She is being protected from the cat's clawing because of them. Well, at least mostly. There's some scratching going on. I checked out the back paw and that line looks like she had been playing with a fishing line spool. This isn't good.

Then it happened: That cat bit down on a fleshy part of Mrs. LL like nobody's business. I mean hard. I mean "oh, my" hard. The misses somehow maintains her grip as she yells a bit causing the cat to let go. I try to intervene by grabbing the cats front paws and head, but she (amazingly) tells me to let go because the braces will protect her overall.

Say what?

The cat's about to clamp down on something again when Mrs. LL decides to blow on its face. Huh? It seems like Mrs. LL, despite having a wild animal out of control in her hands, has the presence of mind to blow on the cat's face to distract the cat from biting on flesh. It worked.

She then quickly decides that releasing the Christmas light line is the wrong way to go and instead twists the cat's body in a counter-clockwise motion a couple of times to release the tension. It works. The cat is released, and we sit down exhausted. Hadn't I been in bed a second ago?

Oh, have I ever told you that  Mrs. LL is a former paramedic? It showed. I, on the other hand,  was no help at all.

The cat made a full recovery and, yep, was up in the tree the next morning.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

It's "missus" when you write like that, Barry. "Misses" sounds like you're referring to the two daughters! Funny story, though!

Anonymous said...

Lead poisioning gets an awful lot of cats, Barron.
Be a man and take control.

Anonymous said...

A wonderful story.

wordkyle said...

I'm looking forward to the "Liberally Lean Christmas Special" on TV next year. It'll be our version of "A Christmas Story." You make a great Darren McGavin.

Anonymous said...

Now see what great material that cat brings to you for the blog??

The Donald said...

Until 9:13, I was gonna ask "What exactly is the purpose of having a cat?"

Anonymous said...

Love the story!
I've rescued our new cat twice from strangling in the past month. Her lives are being used up rapidly as she twists her neck into the handles of those mesh bags used for laundry.
We've not yet put our Christmas tree up because I keep reading your comments...cat can climb to top of tree, now cat can strangle self in light wires... what next?

Anonymous said...

Love the story!
I've rescued our new cat twice from strangling in the past month. Her lives are being used up rapidly as she twists her neck into the handles of those mesh bags used for laundry.
We've not yet put our Christmas tree up because I keep reading your comments...cat can climb to top of tree, now cat can strangle self in light wires... what next?

Xanthippas said...

This is why cats should be banned.

Anonymous said...

You need to let nature take it's course next time the cat gets in the tree. Put 127 Hours in the DVD and after a while it will realize this is a learning experience.

CT said...

lmaoooo bahahaha..sorry, but that is just damn funny!!! That's a pee-your-pants laughing story..just sayin..glad the missus is not too badly hurt; cat bites effin hurt!!!

gotta be careful though..kitty could chew/claw/insert your own thought through the live wire and it could short out, and either catch fire, or maybe for you, electricute itself?? Regardless, messy either way!!!

Dang, did I spell e-l-e-c-t-r-i-c-u-t-e correctly? my eyes just aren't focusing right on it..sigh..

Anonymous said...

Get a crate ( with a kitten next to a Christmas tree)...... and get a mixed breed next time. The one you have is wild by nature. You will be in for more.

Well written story, Barry - as usual. Wordy could learn from you. :-)

Anonymous said...

Great story, but reminds me of Chevy Chase's Christmas movie when cat did get electrocuted by biting a wire. Not sure about cats and tress! The paramedic part is great. Those guys really do think on their feet and problem solve. She sounds like a great mommy/wife.

Judy said...

You could write a book with all the antics going on at your house!!!

Anonymous said...

How in the heck can you be a decent attorney when you lack the ability to solve a problem in a stressful situation? I mean, seriously, do you beg for a recess during court each time something you don't expect pops up? Get a clue you weenie.

Arthur said...

BG, Cat whisperers all over North Texas will tell you that cat needs a little buddy from the SPCA or other cat rescue agency. Believe me. My S.U. and I have a formerly wild ass cat who was calmed down with a running buddy adopted from Furever Friends at the Southlake PetSmart. It'll take about a month to get them acclimated but it's worth the effort. Based on the booking photo you provided, it's safe to say that cat's officially nuts. Part Siamese or seal point, am I right? You could be screwed.

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, cat the other white meat.....

Anonymous said...

We purchased something to spray our tree with I think called "Bitter Yuck" from a pet store. If you spray the bottom few branches it leaves behind this bitter smelling stuff that smells and tastes nasty. Beware though if you have an artificial tree the stuff lingers around and may mace you the next time you put it up or take it down, I understand why they don't like it.

Anonymous said...

Watch out for cat bites.....i got bit and had 3 surgeries and five days in the hospital from a little ole cat bite....Doc said 80% of cat bites end up in the OR-apparently they have lots of bacteria in their mouths!

House of York said...

Mmmm...why do I get the funny feeling you were thinking..FRY BABY FRY the whole time poor kitty was stuck.

Anonymous said...

My crazy cat hates fingernail polish remover. She runs when you take it out of the cabinet. So we put the bottle near the tree. When she gets near the tree, we open the polish remover and chase her with it. She no longer gets near the tree. May not work with a kitten, but it's worth a shot.