The Campaign For DA


Anna Nicole's Dead Body

I just noticed that the judge has pulled a Judge Wapner and has gone into chambers to decide the case. He said he would be back in 15 minutes. (Edit: OMG, he came back in the courtroom and started crying when he read the decision. And he still didn't make any sense: He says that the body is to go to the attorney who is the guardian for Anna's infant daughter and it will be his sole discretion as to where the body should be buried. Say what? And then the judge turned around and said that he wanted the body buried next to her son. What a complete buffoon. )

If you get a chance to watch the news tonight, you have to catch one of the most embarrassing moments in litigation history: Texas "Super Lawyer" John O'Quinn convinces the judge to allow Anna's first husband from Mexia (Billy Wayne Smith) to testify by phone. All the other lawyers go crazy. Everyone expects Billy to say that he wants Anna buried in Texas (or else O'Quinn wouldn't want him called as a witness.)

The judge gets him on the phone, asks him if he is wearing boots (everyone laughing at that joke?), and has him testify. For some reason, the judge interrupts the questioning and says, "If I could order for your son's body in the Bahamas to be exhumed and brought back to Texas for burial, would you want me to?" (I have no idea why that question is asked, but everyone presumes he would say "yes" because surely he will want Anna buried in Mexia, too.) To everyone's surprise, he says, "Naaaa, I wouldn't want that."

And then he blurts out that he just as soon have Anna buried next to their son in the Bahamas. This is exactly the opposite of what the Texas Super Lawyer expected. The entire gallery erupted in laughter as John O'Quinn starts yelling into the phone, "Billy! Billy! Don't you remember our conversation at lunch?!" The judge stops the questioning and says "I've heard enough."

Pure gold.