Email Sent to Courthouse Workers Today

Hello Everyone,

I was just informed by the Extension Office that they have spoken with an Urban Entomologist, DR. Michael Merchant, who states that the courthouse could not be infested on that level with crabs, they do not and can not live in that means. His guess is that the insects found were mites. We are sending him a sample and will have the final answer by tomorrow afternoon.

[- County Judge's representative]

Well, that certainly takes all the fun out of it. But obviously we have the biggest government cover up since JFK. I'm getting Oliver Stone on the horn.