blank'/> Liberally Lean From The Land Of Dairy Queen: Great. Just Great.

10.03.2011

Great. Just Great.

"What for he take me along anyway?Pay up! This place is nasty!"

I just know the Family Pup is now going to turn up missing, and Mrs. LL will be telling me that "I need to get that dog back from those skanks before sundown!!"  Man can't catch a break. (Story.)

Sidenote: She took the little dog to a non-Wise County groomer on Friday, and told her that she wanted the hair clipped "just a little bit."  The Yorkie, who used to look like the pic above, now has less facial hair than Chaz Bono.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place..

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

______________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

_____________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you kidding me?

______________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?

WITNESS: Getting laid

______________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?

WITNESS: Yes.

ATTORNEY: How many were boys?

WITNESS: None.

ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.

Can I get a new attorney?

______________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Take a guess.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?

What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

______________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No .

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


And that my friends is a good example why, most politicians in our government and courts are lawyers and our nation is so screwed up.

Big Ed

bigmark said...

I am so stealing this and putting up posters EVERYWHERE.

bigmark said...

I will of course post the credit of the book, wouldn't want to be called a plagarist,Or a lawyer......

Anonymous said...

Poor old woman. See...all you people wanting to have children and feeling left out..they nothing but trouble from birth to death, either yours or theirs.

Anonymous said...

Purrrrrrrrrrfect.

Double Fake the Family Cat

LadyBug said...

These ho's are pretty cool, but I do miss my momma. Cough up the dough you Charlie Sheen wanna be so I can get home and piss in your tiger blood....and next time you decide to call in some escorts you better make sure can afford the goods.

Anonymous said...

Priceless. Craigslist hookers, a yorkie, a 21 year old cat not worth stealing, and a guy who lives with his elderly mom. You can't make stuff like this up.

I wonder what kind of action I could get for a sack of deer corn and four cans of motor oil?

My Other Brother Darryl

Anonymous said...

My other brother Darryl;In Mexico in 1961 you could get eight just for the corn.It was too high then and the corn is now.