blank'/> Liberally Lean From The Land Of Dairy Queen: Messenger Preview

8.11.2009

Messenger Preview

The Messenger will have this blurb in tomorrow's paper (be sure to run out and buy a copy since I'm stealing from it and want to make up for it.) But I've got a legal question. A basic rule of criminal law is that the county wherein the offense took place is the county that has jurisdiction of the crime. You assault someone in Wise County, you're going to the Decatur courthouse. You assault someone in Tarrant County, you're going to the Fort Worth courthouse. But this guy was arrested for a crime that allegedly occurred in Mexico? I can't imagine that the Mexican authorities are going to track down a simple assault defendant in the United States. And I don't think any judge in the United States can issue a warrant for a crime that occurred in a different country. Something seems wrong. Edit: Thanks to a commenter, it was pointed out that the Star Telegram had the story last Friday and clears up any confusion.

29 comments:

The Mexican Judge said...

Ladies and gentlemen, after I have heard all testimony I conclude that the male party was acting in a drunken rage. The assault was prevoked by a substandard female and had it coming.
After review of the law I have found no such statute causing the nation of Mexico with "beating a girlfriend". In fact, in this nation we encourage it.
All charges will be dropped as long as The United States agrees to continue to allow my people to flow throught the borders like the blood of Jesus Christo.
Court is adjourned.

House of R and R said...

Are you positive they were arrested here?

Anonymous said...

to the Mexican Judge:

May I address the court:

Sorry to disagree with you your honor, but I see it as the male party was drunk and acting like the dumb sh*t he is when he drinks. The female did not have it coming as you suggest, she just missed throwing the knife at his *ah hem* Mr. Happy. That is what upset the male party. The female was looking for the next object to remove said - Mr. Happy from Mr. Asshole, when the female party was injured.

After reading your interpretation of the law of Mexico. I think you have misinterpreted the meaning of the judicial system in this instance. Have you not seen what the normal women of Mexico look like? In fact sir, just look at your wife.

I do agree with all charges dropped, but the couple needs help. The male party with his ability to hold alcohol and quit acting like a dumbsh*t and the female party with her aim.

Thank you for your time.
Senora
Mari Juana Lopez-Garcia-Hernandez-Cortez-Rodriquez-Flores-Vasquez-Martinez-de Soto-Gonzales

Anonymous said...

Seems like maybe he was arrested and charged in Mexico, why they bonded him out???? Maybe its more of a donation, since they will have to extradict him to prosecute. But then again the US Feds pick up people cross border all the time after the paperwork is done.

Anonymous said...

Senora
Mari Juana Lopez-Garcia-Hernandez-Cortez-Rodriquez-Flores-Vasquez-Martinez-de Soto-Gonzales,

Said testimony was never presented by the prosecution thus is inadmissable in court.

Let's take a short recess.

We will all meet back here in 10 minutes. Bailiff can you bring another bottle of Tequila to my chamber, por favor?

Anonymous said...

Dos eeny of ju jewrishprudes got eeny marijueenie to chare man? I no jew bean smoakin it, heh?

Anonymous said...

geez, ya'll. Thanks for the laughs! Especially 8:50 and 9:35pm. F#$%ing classic!

Anonymous said...

Story does not interest me, but these comments are pure gold...

RPM said...

From Friday's Startlegram:

The woman’s complaint, filed Tuesday with the Wise County justice of the peace for Precinct 3, states that Jordan physically assaulted her at least three times since January, most recently Monday.

I'm betting one of those times was in Decatur and that's what he's going to be procecuted on.

Anonymous said...

obviously none of you white males can render a decision better than a hispanic female..
seems like i heard that somewhere.

Anonymous said...

Just maybe it was one of those whip me spank me make me like it kinda of days and she just had a bad one but what ever it was I bet it was all good.

Anonymous said...

Hey what is going on at Braziel motors is he getting ready to go on vacation

Anonymous said...

Sorry to interrupt, but what happened to Jan Harveson of B'port? I'm shocked to learn of her passing!

Anonymous said...

Was she a nurse, 8:10AM? If so, I think we are talking about the same person, and her parents are my neighbors. Their daughter Jan passed away Sunday night, and services will be Saturday in Bridgeport.

Anonymous said...

Jan was in very poor health. If I remember correctly, she had MS.

Anonymous said...

Your Honor:

I would like to address the court.

It is widely known that males like to do what is known as a dutch oven on females. The male party always laughs as we the females gag and try to get away from the smell.

It could have happened that this time the female did the dutch oven back to the male - just in play - not in retaliation- and the male party could not take the joke, got upset and began the assault.

I still agree the charges should be dropped and the couple should receive help. The male for his flatulence problem, and the female for not waiting until he is sound asleep before attempting the dutch oven.

Thank you for your time.
Senora
Mari Juana Lopez-Garcia-Hernandez-Cortez-Rodriquez-Flores-Vasquez-Martinez-de Soto-Gonzales

Anonymous said...

You're right, 8:28AM.....she's in a better place now. Positive thoughts to all her family.

House of R and R said...

That story seems a little fishy to me.

Could it be an angry girlfriend getting revenge or is that police officer really that stupid?

mzchief said...

Mexican Judge and Company is the funniest bit to hit The Blog, albeit, among the most politically incorrect but still the funniest.

*StillLOLHysterically*

Anonymous said...

8:08 Yes it looks Like Braziel is going somewhere if he kept up with the last trial he better pack a lunch and some ky.

Anonymous said...

I thought the Braziel case was dropped? Is he going to jail?

Anonymous said...

Another cops wife bitchin about long hours and working two jobs so that she got her vacation trip. She (from experience) bitched about drinking, friends (cops) and the trip plans the whole time. She did not deserve to be assaulted, but she tried the patience of a good nature, dedicated and respected officer to "SHUT HER" up. It's tempting, some do and some don't.

Mexican Judge said...

Sent via email...

Dear, Senora
Mari Juana Lopez-Garcia-Hernandez-Cortez-Rodriquez-Flores-Vasquez-Martinez-de Soto-Gonzales

As I have reviewed the Mexican penal codes consistent with the "dutch oven" I was confused when I found no terminology.
Then I discovered that the Mexican government has issued a statement dealing with something called a "refried bean oven".
I immediately realized what this was something I was very familiar with, as I have used this several times on my wife.
The statement reads as follows..."If the female companion refuses to become 'with child' upon the male's request the "refried oven" may be implemented." There is a clause, however...the male may not consume more than 2 lbs of prior 6 hours prior to the bomb being dropped.

No doubt this was what happened. All charges have been dropped and both male and female gringo have been tranported back to Los Estados Unidos along with 250,000 other hardworking Mexicans who have promised not to "Refried bean oven" any white women.

Anonymous said...

Honorable Judge.

You are wise beyond your years.

I am glad we over came the dutch oven/refried bean oven language barrier.

I look forward to meeting up with you on other comments.

Your humble servant-
Senora
Mari Juana Lopez-Garcia-Hernandez-Cortez-Rodriquez-Flores-Vasquez-Martinez-de Soto-Gonzales

wife beating copper said...

wife beating copper

i am sorry for beaten on my wife but with all the wetbacks doing it i felt i had to to fit in. but no worries i fond my new love in the jail his name is juan and he likes it when i pick up the soap soon he will swim across and we will spend our time at the rainbow lounge

Anonymous said...

7:25pm
You will now need to type with a lisp.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

Anonymous said...

8:09 must have looked at an El Paso phone book.When I lived there we did it all the time for fun,making less than a hundred a month the was'nt much to do.They simply list everyone that could have fathered them is what I was told.Back then it was five bucks a name.Known as the great old days.

Anonymous said...

8:09 must have looked at an El Paso phone book.When I lived there we did it all the time for fun,making less than a hundred a month the was'nt much to do.They simply list everyone that could have fathered them is what I was told.Back then it was five bucks a name.Known as the great old days.