blank'/> Liberally Lean From The Land Of Dairy Queen: More Diving Talk

7.20.2009

More Diving Talk

Edit: A faithful reader photoshopped me! The package was a 30 minute instruction period followed by a quick boat ride to a reef and a 45 minute dive. When I first heard it was a 50 foot dive, one guy I met at the resort looked at me like I was nuts and went into a rant that included the words "decompression", "cramps", "capillaries bursting", and "hyperbolic chamber for two days." Well, that didn't sound fun at all. But once we got it clarified that it was a 15 to 25 foot dive, he backed off a bit but still thought it was a little nuts. There were four of us in the group to go out. Oddly, they first transported us to a different resort for the instruction. There we met our female instructor, with a pretty good accent, who told us the first thing we needed to do was to sign waiver forms because, and I'm not making this up, "We don't want any responsibility in case something goes wrong." That's technically correct, but you never hear anyone in the States say it that way. From there, we received our crash course on diving. Afterwards, she put us in the pool for our practice session in what we had hopefully learned (how to clear our masks if need be, how to clear the regulator, how to go up, how to go down, how to avoid death, etc.) So with full gear on, we all sat on our collective arses in the five foot end of the pool. I hope I didn't show it, but that experience kind of freaked me out. Scuba diving looks easy. Heck, I had even watched all the Sea Hunt episodes as a kid. Yeah, I could breath through the regulator, but it was labored breathing for me. It was just so . . . . unenjoyable. After about 10 seconds of experiencing a little feeling of panic, I overcame the desire to jump up into the air and scream, "I can't take it!!" The instructor, no doubt seeing more air bubbles coming from my mouth than everyone else combined, swam over in front of me and made hand gestures which meant, "Hey, idiot, I told you to breath slowly and deeply. Do it!" And I did. After going through the drills, we then did the most awkward thing: We followed the instructor as we swam around the pool. Now understand, this is a nice resort with a huge pool full of guests and we are the only ones in scuba gear. So we're swimming around and people are scrambling to get away from us like nobody's business. (Afterwards, all four of us laughed about how we probably looked like the creepy guy from the pool scene in Little Children.) The dive itself was fairly uneventful. (With the exception of a beeping sound I heard every five minutes that made me think my equipment was malfunctioning -- but which was actually only a five minute interval timer the instructor was wearing. Hey, tell me about that next time.) Lots of cool fish. Lots of cool coral. Lots of cool plants. But no sharks or killer sting rays. And you can't believe how much the current moves you around against your will. Once we were through, I was exhausted. Completely. The instructor even gave me a concerned, "Are you OK?" once I got to the boat's ladder and successfully negotiated it despite having a severe case of the Shake Legs. So scratch another item off my Bucket List. Running With The Bulls, here I come.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

Barry, you're right! Scuba diving is NOT easy. The tanks are heavy, breathing through my mouth felt ackward...I really did not enjoy it. Now snorkling... I loved it!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a great time, but my bucket list is quite a bit tamer. I admire your courage!

Anonymous said...

Next while you have your runnin groove on....you need to go to NYC or Boston and run a marathon
....#11 on Bucket list right behind Alien Anal Probe at Area 51

Anonymous said...

I dove to 90 feet at Maui and rode big turtles. Best time to dive is at night. Everything under the water glows. All kinds of creepy things come out at night. You should have gone to Cozumel to dive. Much prettier than Cancun. You shouldn't worry about decompression at above 30' would probably be rare to get into trouble at 30' or above. Hardest part for alot of people is clearing their ears. Did you spit in your mask to keep it from fogging? Lot better exercise than jogging.

Anonymous said...

LOL Michael Jackson is still dead.

Anonymous said...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Anonymous said...

The two most boring things in the world are to hear about somebody's kids or somebody's vacation. You didn't knock up the girl in the robot Tshirt did you? I couldn't take much more of this stuff... We need girls with less clothes and your version of why Steven York wigged out. Throw in a little artificial turf talk while you are at it.

Anonymous said...

I guess you're saying "Lloyd Bridges,you ain't!" in your own beating around the bush way.

Anonymous said...

Don't feel too bad. Most folks wouldn't have made it past the kiddie pool phase of your frogman training. You are still a steelie- eyed missle man in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

Running with the bulls? You might outa take the bucket off of your list and put it on your head if you are gonna run with the bulls.

Double Fake 3:04pm poster

Anonymous said...

Barry, doesn't all this deep sea diving make you want to join the Navy Seals?

That bunch is a lot tougher than lawyers.

:-)

Anonymous said...

Anybody wanna squeeze a sperm whale?

Anonymous said...

What about Stephen York wigging out?

The Accomplice said...

I went diving in Honduras. Basically attended the same type class you attended. Got the biggest migraine in my life during the dive.

Anonymous said...

Keep diving. You get better at it. You learn to relax in the water and not flail around, you conserve your air supply, it's a lot more fun. It's like those flying dreams, only better.

And Cozumel is WAY better than Cancun.

Anonymous said...

Hyperbolic chamber? That might describe the comments section. Hyperbaric chamber is the chamber you want to avoid.

Anonymous said...

Cancun & Cozumel are OK but, not too far down the road is Belize with alot of islands surrounding it, about 65 mi. off the coast is Ambergris Caye which has the second largest barrier reef in the world next to Australia, there is a large inactive volcano crater (the Blue Hole) that you can actually go down into, all kinds of critters live on/in the walls of this crater, things you like you have never seen before, even on tv. I got to messing with a moray eel that was inside a hole in the wall and got more than I bargained for!!! (I know, what a dumbass!!) I also seen some manta rays that had at least 20' wingspans. There's also nurse sharks and barracuda. For REAL FUN, take a can of the squirt type of Cheese Whiz down with you, now that will bring the fish and creatures right up to you, but be ready!!!

Anonymous said...

It was nice meeting you Bubear.

Double Fake Sponge Bob Squarepants

Anonymous said...

Yes, nice meeting you Bubear.....

Baooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Double Fake Mr. Limpit

Anonymous said...

You tasted like....chicken.

Double Fake the Whale that ate Jonah

Anonymous said...

Stay ashore mate....you don't belong down here....

Double Fake Davey Jones

Anonymous said...

Hey hey for the Monkies...

Kids think we're just Monkeying around....

So you better get ready...

We may be coming to your town....

Double Fake the other Davey Jones

Anonymous said...

Sorry all...

My governor busted...I was running wide open...

Double Fake

Anonymous said...

You were safe with the sharks. They don't eat lawyers. They have respect for their peers.

Double Fake....10000 rpms.....I'm going to blow....!!!

Jarhead said...

Open water diving without being open water dive certified = not using all that book learnin' you got at that fancy big city university, college boy.

"College boy! College boy! College boy"! ~ Septuple Fake Jody Foster

Anonymous said...

Did some diving once in the Bahamas. It was AWESOME! Loved the peace, the serenity of it. Could hear nothing except my own breathing. Was like another world under the waters. Loved the friendly fish that "inspected" us, as though they were welcoming us into another dimension....could even "pet" them! Well, that was, until the Barracuda came around. That's another story!

However, when I first went into the water, my "survival insincts" kicked in. The water was spashing against my face, because we were in rough waters. I tried to keep my head above the waves that were splashing into me, and the instructor saw my panic. He told me, "Go UNDER THE WATER AND BREATH!" I did, and that's when the wonder of SCUBA flooded my soul. SCUBA allowed me to be UNDER water and breath with no panic whatsoever.

Were you fighting the waves too, Barry? Our instincts tell us to keep our heads above water, but SCUBA gear brings a different world to us. I LOVED IT!

Cebu Philippines Expat said...

You're right ! Scuba diving is much harder than it looks. I recommend areas where there isn't a strong current. Cebu and the Philippines is one of the best dive spots in the world. Also, enjoyable place to learn scuba diving.

Anonymous said...

9:42 I really did have a lawyer tell me one time that sharks will not attack attorneys because sharks have poor eyesight and they think that it's just a piece of whale sh!t, so they don't mess with them!!