blank'/> Liberally Lean From The Land Of Dairy Queen: Hello, New Mrs. Green

3.10.2009

Hello, New Mrs. Green

PORTSMOUTH When Britta Osberg’s ex-boyfriend asked her to return a ring, she punched him in the face twice, leaving the ring’s imprint on his cheek, police allege, reports the Portsmouth Herald. Based on those allegations, Osberg, 19, of 110 Perkins Road, Rye, is scheduled to be arraigned in Portsmouth District Court Monday on two class A misdemeanor counts of simple assault.

She would be perfect for me. For years I've been posting pics of scantily clad women and not showing the females of Wise County the respect they deserve (or so I'm told). This girl would not put up with that and, she'd have me on the straight and narrow so fast my head would spin. I mean, if I posted a Tuesday After Noon Pick Me Up, I know I had have the business end of a frying pan waiting on me when I walked through the door that night. That's love. Baby, I've waited a long time for you. And you've got to like any chick babe lady* who will post her own mugshot on her Myspace page. She's got spunk. My pastor is gonna love her. (All of her Myspace pictures and, man, there are a ton of them, can be found here.) But her myspace home page is here. And, if I may, please let me go on a rant even though I'm all a flutter having found the true love of my life who, as a bonus, is less than half my age. How in the world did Myspace ever become a hit? I mean, look at her page. It's a mess. You can't read crap. You can't see crap. And her's is better than most because I don't have some gawd awful song blaring out of my speakers. I hate MySpace. I hope that's not a deal killer with her. _________- *New respectful terminology.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Too funny! One of her albums is "Diamonds are forever"! I guess they are, especially the imprint they leave on your face!

One of the comments on her mugshot picture was:
"so who did u punch in the face this time????" Think there might be some history here?

She is still hot!

Anonymous said...

Found this headline in the link:
"Teen sentenced for buying porn and game points with stolen credit card information"
That Ralph Hardy gets around, don't he?

Anonymous said...

What a wuss he was got his arse kicked by a girl. And..he is in the military thought they were trained how to fight???

Anonymous said...

No one notices her funky looking ears?

Anonymous said...

He was (or is) in the Air Force. They don't put a lot of focus on hand-to-hand fighting.
He should have been brought up on charges for flipping the bird while in uniform. Violation of the UCMJ
Etiquette (a dying tradition) states that when a couple breaks up, the woman should return a ring. After the reaction he got, he had two choices:
1. yank the ring off her finger, if he thought he could manage it
2. tell her she can keep the f'ing ring, eat the loss, and be glad he is through with the crazy b*tch

Jarhead said...

Yeah Air Force guys are only trained in slap-fighting. Most women can whip any flyboy's ass.

What do you expect from the branch of service whose toughest guys are called "PJs"?

Anonymous said...

Barry, you are a leering old pervert. That kid would probably cringe to know that an old middle-ager is gawking at her.

Anonymous said...

MySpace is the modern equivalent of GeoCities pages back in the '90s.

Francine Fishpaw said...

2:53:

Check your Emily Post again. If he breaks off the engagement, she keeps the ring. If she does, she returns it.

Either way, I agree that she may be a tad fiesty. Barry, you might want to reconsider.

Anonymous said...

So does this mean she is single...

Anonymous said...

Two things distinguish her from other Wise County beauties. 1. Her tramp-stamp tattoo is not right above her crack and 2. No Wise County ladies ever fish for smelt. What the hell is a smelt? She's still sorta hot, though.

Anonymous said...

Wonder if the Air Force flyboys have an equivalent to Gay Marine Bush Whitehouse reporter Jeff Gannon in their slap fighting ranks. All troops of the different branches of the military are great Americans and have the best interest in protecting America, and the Commander-In-Chief. God bless them all. Even Gay Marines. And the Marines that have homosexual tendencies or maybe just afraid they do, and have to be extra tough. Not all toughs are queer, but some queers are tough.