blank'/> Liberally Lean From The Land Of Dairy Queen: Random Friday Morning Thoughts: Injury Edition

2.12.2010

Random Friday Morning Thoughts: Injury Edition

  • You see that? That's me one second after catching air on a makeshift sled, hitting my right shoulder hard, and having it come out of its socket. So how did I get there? Let me wordily explain.
  • We shut the office down early, and I dutifully headed home.
  • I couldn't help it: I'm bundling up and take off walking my normal jogging course. No way I was going to miss that beauty.
  • I find a field I normally jog around and am darn near awestruck by the beauty. It's peaceful, it's snowing hard, I've got some great music on the iPhone, and I just stand there truly greatful to be alive.
  • But then I look about a half mile away and see a ton of folks in a big geographic "bowl" mostly sliding down a hill.
  • I called KD who was headed my way and tell her to stop at this park because this looks like fun. Big fun.
  • And it was. Watching people building giant snowmen, running with a Siberian husky mutt she had brought with her, and having a tremendous time.
  • Then a fateful event occurs: I stumble across a flat metal sign (I don't know how) which is different than the other contraptions that people were using as sleds (i.e. plastic signs, laundry baskets, trash can tops --- hey, it is Texas.)
  • We find a place perfect for sledding and slide down the hill a couple of times. Good times.
  • Then I noticed someone had created a ramp about a foot and half foot snow. I'm excited. It's a Sled Jump. Hey, the Olympics is coming up - I can do this.
  • KD goes first and it's hilarious. She ends up in a mass of tangled limbs on the ground as the dog jumps on her in excitement.
  • My turn. I line the jump up. Take a quick running start. Perfect take-off. Hit the ramp at a pretty good clip. Feel like I'm at least going to fly two or three feet before landing (probably overestimating). And then I land. And I feel pain. Big pain. It's on my right shoulder and, although I keep waiting for the shooting sensation to go away as I lay/lie on the ground, it ain't.
  • My ego and shoulder feel the pain of explaining, "This might not be good."
  • I make it to KD's car and stick my hand up under my shirt in order to feel my shoulder. Uh. Oh. It's not supposed to be like that at all. Definitely separated.
  • But I've got a great idea: This happens all the time in football games -- I've seen it! And the trainer always runs onto the field, sticks his hands under the shoulder pad, and pops it back it. And KD used to be an EMT! Problem solved.
  • So we go back to my house, I lay on the couch, and tell her to Google "separated shoulder popping back in." She is very uneasy. "Did you find anything?" I ask. "Yep, something about long term nerve damage. You're crazy. I'm not doing it."
  • From there, we go to a small "emergency clinic". I stay in the back of the car on my back and she runs in to make sure they can fix me up. She comes back and says, "Nope. They aren't going to touch you. Told us to go to the emergency room."
  • So now we're off on a 10 mile ride in slushy/icy conditions as I remember a kid at Bridgeport High School who was always having this shoulder separated. I make a joke about a guy I haven't seen in a krillion years, but it doesn't help the increasing pain.
  • We pull into the ER parking lot and see a sign ("Free Valet Parking"). Well, heck, that certainly seals the deal! What?
  • Fortunately, the ER had no one in it, and I stumble in holding my arm like it's been ripped off by a huge piece of machinery. I'm given immediate attention and within 10 minutes I'm in a hospital bed (Yep, I know the Obamacare comments will ruin this.)
  • Some guy comes in and puts an IV in me. IV? What the what?
  • A very funny nurse then comes in, rolls her eyes at me in mock disgust when I tell her what happened, and shoots me full of morphine. Did I mention I'm in excruciating pain at this point. It hurt, but not too bad, right after the accident but the pain is now ratcheting up.
  • They then tell me they'll have to x-ray me. Sheesh!!! Will somebody grab my arm and pop it into its socket so I can get the heck out of here?
  • The doctor comes in. Sees my pain. And decides it would be wise to pop it in. Now we're cooking.
  • Now comes the craziest part of the night. They have me sit up on the side of the bed and the doctor asks the nurse, "Have you ever seen this done before?" She hasn't. Uh. Oh. He has her take my arm and extend it straight out to the side. Ouch. Triple ouch! He then gets behind me and begins to push on my shoulder joint as the nurse pulls outwards. Can I make an admission: This lasted about 10 seconds and I'm groaning and moaning loudly. Very loudly. I can certainly be heard down the hallway and it was so bad I grabbed some piece of cloth (I hope it was sanitary), and shoved it into my mouth so I could clinch down it. It was just like a western movie when they pull the bullet out of some poor sap.
  • But it didn't work! I then hear the doctor say, "We'll have to do it the old fashioned way" which made me fear for my life because if that 10 second procedure of pain was "new school", I didn't want to see "old school."
  • I crumple back in the bed, and I hurt. I'm normally a wise guy and a jokester, but I'm nothing other than a heap of mush at this point.
  • Now the confusing part. The last thing I remember is them talking about more pain killers and then, as best I can recall, I "wake up" an hour later with my shoulder back in its socket with some contraption strapping it to my chest. I feel pretty good. And I'm getting out of there.
  • I asked KD something about "I thought they bring in an anesthesiologist if they are going to put you under?" and she explains I was never "under" -- that I was conscious the whole time. She said I was talking crazy, they had x-rayed me, and kicked her out. I have no memory of anything.
  • And that's how I spent my snow day.
Edit: We now have video of this blessed event:

78 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my Goodness. That story is exactly why Im not the fun parent in this household. I would probably hurt myself too. Hope you are feeling better and heal up soon so you can go back out and play in the snow some more.

brewcrew said...

You're not much of an action hero. Mel Gibson's character Martin Riggs from the Lethal Weapon movies used to have his shoulder pop out of it's socket at least once a flick. He just ran it into a post and knocked it back in.

Anonymous said...

I'm somewhat confused B.G.......scratching my head.....
at exactly what point in life does a college educated, middle aged individual, somewhat a new member of the "middle aged" generation, realize he is no longer a child and cannot do kid things anymore?

I was 50 and still riding bulls....which is normal isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Good times. Too funny

Anonymous said...

good times brother

The Donald said...

Fun times.

I took a racquetball elective my junior year at NTSU. The first day on the court, I dislocated my shoulder - in January.

Walked to an orthop├Ždist's office a couple of blocks away on the west side of the campus. Dr. [Marquis] D'Sade, I think was his name.

He stuck his stockinged foot into my armpit and pulled nearly every hair off my forearm tugging to reposition my arm bone in my shoulder socket. About 3 hours after the dislocation, problem solved.

Driving up 377, to Graduation day 198X, I reached with the same arm to silence a rattle in the dome light.

Uh-oh!

Retaining my composure, I drove straight to Flow Memorial. Luckily, the orthop├Ždist who'd treated me before was on staff and in the building.

He'd learned a new and better technique since I'd last seen him, so, within a short time I was on my way to the bowl.

I missed the boring speeches but made it in time to walk across the stage.

Anonymous said...

Well, I would be saying "Pulitzer" right now, if not for that misspelling of "grateful"!

Hope you heal up soon. That'll teach you to go around acting like a...uh, person younger than yourself. Or a yankee - you should leave the Great White North antics to our northern neighbors

Anonymous said...

Ahhhh Demerol and a bed sheet...classic. Be careful...you are now more likely to re-dislocate it in the future. Get better!

Anonymous said...

A Lawyer in a ER, not a pretty picture.

Anonymous said...

Stick to snow ball fights, or make snowmen.

Anonymous said...

Have KD make some snow ice cream.
Just watch where the puppy poddies.

raw eggs
organic sugar
vanilla

Anyone else got a recipe?

Anonymous said...

Tsk, tsk, tsk. I feel for you brother. Watch out for that morphine.

My Other Brother Darryl

Anonymous said...

7 years ago almost to the day my husband separated his shoulder. I remember being in the ER in Decatur. They extended his arm and tried pulling it back in place. All they did was move the bed all around. So they wrapped a sheet under the arm and around him. One person pulled the sheet on one side of him while the dr pulled the arm in the opposite direction. I turned white as a sheet and almost passed out watching my husband being the wishbone so I had to leave the room.

I was halfway down the hall when they came out and said it was back in place.

Luckily he didn't tear anything and didn't require surgery, but he spent a week or more in that lovely brace and had a hard time showering. Good luck Barry!

Anonymous said...

My shoulder popped out of socket a few years ago. The ER docs put me to sleep to fix the problem. It was awful...the most pain I have ever been in. The recovery is slow, too. I was sore for several months. They will probably send you to rehab. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

No comment on the medical bills. Wait till you see what the ER bills for, what they charge, what insurance "negotiates" and what you wind up paying. All this before medical care reform.

Which shoulder is it? Apparently not your blogging one. Will all your drugs invalidate your up-coming defenses?

Anonymous said...

Awh, Barry, - hate to hear of your pain - BUT you told this story quite well - it was fun reading. (Should I apologize for that?)

Anonymous said...

Why is the entire story in bullet points?

Anonymous said...

WAY TO GO BARRY. DON'T EVER LOOSE YOUR CHILHOOD EXPERINCES. WHEN YOU DO YOU BECOME A REPUBLICAN SHEEESH.

Anonymous said...

BG..you sound like a little schoolgull..cowboy up, panty man.

Anonymous said...

Were drugs or alcohol involved? Pre- or post-sledding?

Noevadeaux said...

9:30AM - here's a link - the eggs are cooked in this recipe.........

http://www.recipezaar.com/Snow-Ice-Cream-1950s-Method-236580

Anonymous said...

Good going grandpa.

Anonymous said...

Our oldest son separated his shoulder in a summer baseball game, and Preston Hartfield popped it back into place on the spot. We all saw Preston go over to him, lift his right arm, and give it a yank, but none of us realized what had happened until the next day. We noticed that our son (pitching) had to use his left hand to open the glove on his right hand to receive the ball back from the catcher.

You, BG, are obviously a weiner.

RPM said...

The mind is willing, but the body is weak and spongy.

Anonymous said...

BG, you are such a jock!

A said...

Wow. I do feel your pain...and I mean that. Really. Hurt my knee last Friday and then was in a car accident on the way home from the doctor on Monday.

Tally:
* # of advil - have lost count (I refused narcotics...stupid. stupid.)
* MRI's - 1
* sets of cervical spine xrays - 1
* partially dislocated shoulder popped back in by my chiropractor - 1
* classic case of whiplash - 1
* damages to car - $4000
* days off of work - 5
* ice packs in constant use - 3 (one on knee, one on neck, one on lower back)
* vacations to Mardi Gras with my best friend canceled - 1

This tally sucks.

Anonymous said...

Sorry about your misfortune but where are girl pictures?
I need my fix.

Mr. Mike Honcho said...

Barry, I think you should sue. You need a lawyer.

PS - 9:30... what the heck exactly is "organic sugar"?

Anonymous said...

11:26 I assume you have medical insurance. Any idea what this would cost someone (who is not destitute) without it?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Mike Honcho said...

Barry, I think you should sue. You need a lawyer.

PS - 9:30... what the heck exactly is "organic sugar"?

11:43 AM

Unrefined like you.

Anonymous said...

You haven't learned that you will get hurt when playing at the park with your younger wife or girlfriend? You can't keep up with the younger women. It's proven.

;)

spiritrider said...

congrats barry i hope you have a full recovery

Ernie said...

Silly boy

Anonymous said...

11:46-----

It might cost such a person his cable tv, his smoking and/or drinking habits, his fast food habits, or his boat, motorcycle, 4-wheeler (or any other such toys).

See, what you fail to admit is that those folks without insurance have almost all simply made other unnecessary luxuries priority over something elemental like insurance.

I'm all for people having free choice, but when they make poor decisions, I don't want to pick up the tab.

Anonymous said...

Can we have our sign back, please?

wordkyle said...

Conscious sedation - the healthcare professional's best source of entertainment.

Anonymous said...

11:43, shut up, KD is watching.

Anonymous said...

12:33 -What you seem to miss is that you DO pick up the tab when the uninsured go to the ER. They are uninsured either because they don't buy it or are unemployed or their employer doesn't provide any. Then you pay for them at excessive ER costs.

Anonymous said...

Great Story! Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

You pay no matter what. When insurance companies have to pay extra to extend the life of a smoker, obesity, etc., everybody's insurance goes up. No man is an island.

Anonymous said...

richie whitt just mentioned this incident on the air on ESPN radio.

HHL said...

it was 105.3, not ESPN.

Anonymous said...

Just saw a headline on Drudgereport that said there is snow in all 57 states. Is Obamanation a great place or what?

Anonymous said...

i hurt my shoulder and hand the other day and i had to learn how to use my other hand for everything..it was like making love to a new woman..happy happy valentines..!!!!

Anonymous said...

I hope that I can do things like that when I reach your age!

Man! You still have it!

Bit fragile....but have it none the less!

Anonymous said...

"I stumble across a flat metal sign (I don't know how)"

REALLY means: "I have KD pull the car up to a house where I noticed a Sue Ann Denton CENTURY 21 HOUSE FOR SALE sign in the front yard. After much pulling I managed to loosen the sign from the frozen ground (I felt a slight twinge in my shoulder but thought nothing of it). KD and I proceeded back to the hillside, with me proudly showing off my MUCH better sled"

Anonymous said...

●You're fortunate you didn't tear the rotator cuff.

●I'm guessing your female friend is 12 to 15 years younger than you.

●There is no number 3. I don't know. Be well, dude.

Anonymous said...

A lawyer hurt lying on his back? Priceless. :)

Anonymous said...

BG, bear with me, you'll like the ending here: I grew up in the Northeast. Every winter, a city-owned golf course would open up a particularly steep hill to sledders. The city even made a big area for a fire pit and hundreds of people would go sledding there, day & night! There was a creek near the bottom of the hill so the city would line up bales of hay to keep people from flying into the creek (although you had plenty of time to drag your feet to stop). This year a 40 year old lady slammed into a bale (which becomes frozen over time) and injured her back. She hired an attorney, sued the city, got a huge settlement, and the city closed the course to sledders forever. My dad's dad sledded there....several generations had with no problems! Unfortunately, it's the sign of the times so do yourself a favor: handle the lawsuit on your own. Eliminate the middleman.

Anonymous said...

Barry,
You need to sue the guilty party who allowed you to steal their sign.

Anonymous said...

Just saw a headline on Drudgereport that said there is snow in all 57 states. Is Obamanation a great place or what?

2:17 PM
Don't know about that from Drudge.
I saw a news cast from Hawaii where the Republicans are gathered and it wasn't snowing.

Anonymous said...

Oh fearless one! May your tribe increase.

Thanks for the tag-along. Only a real man can share his pain.

Get well soon.

Anonymous said...

So much for throwing a football a quarter mile.

Double Fake Uncle Rico

Anonymous said...

Three words, one of which I can't figure out.........you wanted a medicinal marijuana ____________? I swear I heard hamburger, but every time I cued it up the dogs barked like crazy...........I need to give my dogs some of whatever you wanted.

Anonymous said...

What some people won't do for legal drugs............Phffft.

Unfatcat said...

Barry, what you experienced is a Subluxation and a dislocated shoulder by the way you described it. I had the same thing happen in 97 and yes, it was painful as hell, until the Morphine drip took hold. Then the ER doctor popped my shoulder back in and I ended up going to Physical therapy 3 times a week for a month and 2 times a week for another month. I was 49 when it happened and by the time I was 50 I had full range of motion again. I am 62 now and I am really glad that I did not go the surgery route. The doctor explained to me that it was better to work through the scar tissue with PT than surgery because if I had surgery I would still have to do PT. Probably fir a longer period.
Surgery should be put on the "not an option" list. Just sayin.

Noevadeaux said...

Did you dictate this or type it one-handed?

Anonymous said...

The city of BRIDGEPORT is paying over time saturday for workers to go knock down all snowmen,because the people didn't get permits to build them. HAHA funny, but would not suprise me.

Anonymous said...

Popped my shoulder once, then it kept slipping out.....surgery was required to fix it. THAT was the REAL BITCH!! Hope you can avoid surgery......I mean it......hope like hell that you can avoid surgery!

Anonymous said...

$10K for ER..you'll see..no shit!

Anonymous said...

Guess Texans never make snow ice cream, no recipes...

Anonymous said...

3:20, Isn't Hawaii where Obammy went on vacation right after he said he would not rest until every American has a job?

Dave said...

Nice! I dislocated my left shoulder in a bike crash and had the same moment of "hey this hurts. Like really bad. Uh-oh" They put me under before they reset it.

And at least you got morphine, I just got vicodin, which apparently has no effect on me at all.

Anonymous said...

6:10 is correct. My husband sprained his ankle and we went to the ER...xray & script for inflammatory & pain meds....$6800. We saw the dr. for 10 minutes and his fee was the worse.

Candance said...

I am so sorry I laughed really, really hard when I read this. I hope you feel better soon and that you got the good drugs and lots of em!!

Anonymous said...

most likely they gave you versed and fentanyl...conscious sedation. You're awake but the versed wipes out any memory you have of said procedure. I work ICU and as wordkyle said...healthcare professionals see it all and are highly entertained.

Anonymous said...

Snow Ice cream: Fresh snow (no yellow!!) Evaporated milk, sugar, and vanilla. Just pour some milk over the snow, and start stirring until it blends, then add some sugar, and about a tsp of vanilla - No measuring - just pour, stir, and taste - you'll find the right amounts!! YUMMY

M-M said...

Sorry to hear about the shoulder, hope it heals quickly. Great job of writing and describing your experience.

wisenurse said...

Barry - remember vicodin is your friend - get some rest - hope you heal fast!!!!

Anonymous said...

ERRRR,,,, here's your sign. ha ha

Anonymous said...

BG..you really should be a newspaperman..! buy the mess..

Anonymous said...

LMAO!

Anonymous said...

Barron, you should really stop trying to impress those teenage... I mean your girlfriend.

Anonymous said...

Freakin cookie pushers.

Anonymous said...

Barry might sue them, but he will be counter sued for theft of the sign and misuse of city property to make his evil jump to fame. What a sue happy world we live in. All because an attorney was willing to make a buck or a few thousand bucks for someone else's stupidity.

Anonymous said...

That was all it took to wreck your shoulder? I have seen second grade girls fall ten times that hard and get up laughing. Holy crap, I never expected you to be this big a wuss.

Anonymous said...

I always thought you were black.

Anonymous said...

Someone said that the NO Saints would win the Super Bowl when Hell Freezes Over.... Then Washington DC closed due to snow... Get it?