Let's Declare War On Russia

I know they've been up to no good for the last few years (and even snuck in a bunch of inept spies lately), but this crosses the line. Hey, I've scene Shrek and learned a whole lot about donkeys. They're funny and loving and can talk like people. There is no reason in the world to terrify one of those little fellas.
Fire up the nukes, Obama. We've got some business to take care of.