1.01.2008

New Year's Resolutions


1. To stalk Britney Spears until she loves me like she promised me in a dream back in May.
2. Get a new car which will prove I'm going through a mid-life crisis.
3. Eat at Tater Junction.
4. Go to the Decatur Walmart without thinking, "I've got to get out of here."
5. Turn around and yell "What's wrong with you!" at the next person I meet walking right past me on the way to the courthouse and refuses to make eye contact.
6. Make more fires in the fireplace.
7. Give up hookers. (Kidding. I'm not giving up hookers.)
8. Get HD DirecTV after owning a HD TV for five years.
9. Take one of my football trips, possibly to Ohio State or Notre Dame.
10. Think about getting a cat.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

getting a cat = you're gay.

don't do it.

Anonymous said...

Is there a female owner who is coming with the cat????

mzchief said...

#1 & #7 = You can do better than Britney, stick with the hookers.

#2 = BMW Z4 (if you have a teeny peeny)

#4 = IMPOSSIBLE

#9 = Take the blog with you.

#10 = Do NOT get a cat. Get a DOG. Dogs are WORTH the effort.

Anonymous said...

1. To stalk Britney Spears.....Britney needs someone to love her
2. Get a new car---depends on the type of new car you get
3. Eat at Tater Junction--make it breakfast or just forget it
4. Go to the Decatur Walmart without thinking, -forget it
5. Turn around and yell "What's wrong with you!" at the next person I meet walking right past me on the way to the courthouse and refuses to make eye contact-some people or just embaressed
6. Make more fires in the fireplace-use the kind of logs that don't require a lot of clean up and only burn for couple hours.
7. Give up hookers. (Kidding. I'm not giving up hookers.)LOL
8. Get HD DirecTV after owning a HD TV for five years.I am shocked
9. Take one of my football trips, possibly to Ohio State or Notre Dame--go for it,maybe take 2 trips
10. Think about getting a cat- I agree that single men with cats or on the gay side...SKIP THE CAT get a fish tank

Anonymous said...

All bad ideas.

My suggestion would be to come over to the conservative way of thinking, find a great republican FEMALE mate and the rest will take care of itself.

Happy New Year!!!

Anonymous said...

you know Tater Junction recently changed hands

Andria said...

Please don't get a cat.

Anonymous said...

11. Vote Republican

Anonymous said...

You are sooo funny! I think I just snorted Diet Dr. Pepper out of my nose. Screw your following and do whatever makes you happy (as long as it's legal of course)

Anonymous said...

1. Stalking Britney Spears just might work - Have you seen who she has had with her the last few days in 2 hotel rooms, and with her kids? One of the papparrazi (sp?) who stalks her but also fills her car up with gas for her, tries to keep the other photographers out of her way. She responds to any seemingly act of kindness toward her. His name is Adnan.
C'mon Barry, with your southern charm and quick wit, I think you could accomplish your #1 goal. But I think that is one of those things that you better be careful what you wish for, because when you get it...............BIG letdown.
I'm agreeing with mzchief - I think getting a dog would bring you much more pleasure than a cat..... or Britney. I'm just warning ya!

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't recommend #3 - you'll be sorry.

#4 is impossible unless you are experiencing early onset Alzheimer's.

#5 - You should first check with your "life partner" before making a major decision such as that.

Anonymous said...

I think Barry should learn to fly.

AnObiter said...

Get the cat. Just make sure it's a friendly sort that likes being around people (like a Maine Coon), or you'll end up solidifying a complex and feeling rejected.

AnObiter said...

And go to Notre Dame, for sure. I've got a good friend who's an alum, and that guy wears Notre Dame pride. It's contagious -- you'd love it.

Anonymous said...

Don't get no Coon Cat get a white one.

Condoleesa said...

I would skip Britney and move to the promiscuous younger sister. You can get her before she is too whacked out and shaves her head.

Anonymous said...

Cats tend to hiss at snakes, so I don't think you'd fare well there. Lawyers, snakes, you know........get a dog - they will pretty much kiss anyone's arse.

Anonymous said...

Every single guy needs a dog and a big jar of peanut butter.

Anonymous said...

#1...you are much better than that.
#3...really good food and the girls are really and I mean really friendly.
5...ok, now that makes me angry, either they are on drugs or not from around here...in wise county... If they're on drugs we'll get em rehab, if they're nor from around here we'll get em ALLIED MOVING...
#10...Cats are good, no mice, no poisonous snakes, will only eat when they are hungry, (you can go on vacation or out of town for a night or two) and they are ok, no chewing up the furniture, no walking them or teaching them to fetch, not house training and there are alot of exotic cats that spell A REAL MAN!!!! Spinx are good.

bigfan said...

We all know what what 40 something single men with cat's mean! FAAAAAAG!!!!

ben frankellin' said...

1) There's no explaining perversion.

2)Get a hybrid; become concerned about global warming.

3) Think carbs

4)Just don't go. Period. Think China

5)Go ahead, it'll end up on youtube. You probably won't get paid for it.

6)Become concerned again with global warming. Start a write in campaign for Al gore.

7)Just quit charging to defend them. The world needs more philanthropologistas.

8)Yeah, succumb finally to the cancer that has destroyed a good country.

9) Try to get laid while you're gone. Think abouy voting for Ron Paul.

10) The only one of these ten dumb ideas that might work.

RPM said...

"come over to the conservative way of thinking, find a great republican FEMALE mate and the rest will take care of itself."

I'm sorry, the image of Barry and Ann Coulter that popped into my head caused me to wipe DrPepper off my monitor.

DON'T DO IT BARRY!!! YOU'RE STILL A YOUNG MAN WITH A LOT TO LIVE FOR!!!

Anonymous said...

Vote Republican?? Ha Ha Ha!!!! That is what has been happening for the last decade or so. Pretty much all state and county offices are held by Republicans at this very minute, and have been for years. Is the Republican stronghold so weak there has to be a slogan to "Vote Republican" in order to keep NeoCon Oppressionist in power? The only member of Congress that is a holocaust survivor, Tom Lantos, is retiring due to health reasons. He is a Democrat. Wonder why he is not Republican? Suspect he had his belly full of them (conservatives)when they were trying to kill him and his family. One of the NAZI selling points during the takeover of Germany by extremist radicals was that they were "very conservative."

Anonymous said...

Anon. at 8:07 is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!