The Campaign For DA

10.06.2016

Hurricane Talk

Live Radar

(c) Liberally Lean Graphics Department. 2016

I'm an expert in weather predicting* as all of you know. It's just another one of my talents that I like to share from time to time. So I thought I'd check into expanding into hurricane forecasting since I might be of help to the good folks from Florida to South Carolina.

I got side tracked right off the bat with this crazy Saffir-Simpson scale. What is the deal with that? My staff has gone to great lengths to calculate the range of miles per hour for each category and they've discovered a serious flaw which has heretofore gone unnoticed by the masses. (See high tech graphic above). Why are all the ranges different instead of uniform?  And why start at 74? Why cap it at > 155? Lots of problems here. Lots of problems.

Well, Mr. Saffir and Mr. Simpson, there's a new sheriff in town. I have modified it utilizing a highly technical standardized 19 mph range with some extra tweaking which will certainly be approved by the National Hurricane Center before the weekend:
  • 60-79 (Lowers threshold of official hurricane to 60 so we can have more hurricanes to track.)
  • 80-99 (Under 100 and we're still safe. We aren't getting worked up over a Cat 2.)
  • 100-119 (Crack 100 and we're in the big time. All media would lock onto a 100 mph threshold.)
  • 120-139 (That's a good range for Cat 4. That's all I got.)
  • > 140 (Lower threshold for Cat 5 so it can be occasionally achieved)
With that problem solved, I'm now back to the lab. 
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*The cold front that's coming will hit Decatur at 4:45 a.m. tomorrow morning.

Edit: Who is trying to be funny?  "And your kids die, too."