The Campaign For DA


Yet Another Chapter In The Downfall Of America

Yahoo – A California pitcher finished his team’s last regular-season home game with 20 strikeouts … and was only kept from a shot at a complete-strikeout game because he was removed with one out remaining. Ryan Olson, the budding star in question, is a junior hurler for Upland (Calif.) Western Christian School. He’s the newest name in the school’s arsenal of strong pitching, with his final home outing of the regular season — a 6-0 victory against Murietta (Calif.) Calvary Murrieta School — proof of his dominance. Olson completely dominated the Calvary Murrieta hitters, striking out 20 batters in 6 2/3 innings. Yet, Olson’s dominance wasn’t enough to earn him a complete game, for what many might consider a rather noble reason: He was removed to make way for a senior pitcher because the home finale also served as Western Christian’s senior day.

As most of you know, I have one year's experience coaching a bad pre-teen girl's softball team so I'm imminently qualified to fire off a hot sports opinion here.

Noble reason? You've got to be kidding me. Look, this kid is not only about to throw a perfect game but a perfect game composed of all strike-outs. And the coach is going to break that up so a senior can come in and pitch on Senior Day? Who gives a flying flip about Senior Day? It's May. Every day is Senior Day for those slackers. And if you want to do Mr.-Put-Me-In-The-Game-Because-I-Managed-Not-To-Flunk-Out a favor, tell him, "If you don't get your act in gear you'll spend the rest of your life on the bench watching others do great things. And you're watching something really great right now." Then I'd slap him up side the head and watch little Nolan Ryan on the mound mow down # 21.  

Then I'd call the local paper and tell them how I taught that pitcher everything he knows. Might even get my picture taken.  That's what makes America great.