2.19.2010

Official Tiger Woods "Press Conference" Betting Line

Edit: I listened to it at 10:00 a.m. and it was pretty good. Really good, in fact. Took all the blame. Said he was "selfish" and "irresponsible." He said he was sorry A LOT. One detail: He said his wife in no way injured him on the night of his car wreck or at any other time. "I brought this shame on myself. I hurt my wife, my kids, my mother . . . . " He also said he has been in rehab (didn't say "sex rehab") for 45 days with "a long way to go." He denied performance enhancing drugs (a rumor) and sounded mad about that. He also chastised the media for pursing his wife and kids to try and obtain photos. A small wow: He said he was raised a Buddhist and practiced it until he drifted it away from it several years ago --- "many may not realize that." "I plan to return to golf one day I just don't know when." Odds (really) the following will be said: 7/2 I regret the hurt I’ve caused 5/1 Thank my family 5/1 I’m sorry 6/1 Time to reflect 10/1 Return to golf 12/1 Appeal for privacy 12/1 Getting back on the course 12/1 Thank God 14/1 Thanks to my sponsors who have stuck by me 14/1 The Masters 16/1 Doing what I do best 16/1 Look to my family and God for forgiveness 20/1 Thank IMG for all their support 20/1 I am now just looking to the future 20/1 Time for change 25/1 We all need to move on 25/1 We’ve all made mistakes 33/1 I love Elin very much 66/1 Sex addiction 80/1 I just want to get back out on the course and concentrate on scoring birdies 80/1 Hate the sin, love the sinner 80/1 OK I admit it looks bad, but… 100/1 Jack Nicklaus 100/1 I’ve lost count how many 100/1 Get in the hole 100/1 I got a few too many birdies 100/1 Gentlemen do prefer blondes 100/1 They tried to make me go rehab 200/1 Thank God for John Terry 200/1 I’m not as bad as Ashley 200/1 I am retiring from professional golf 250/1 My tiger is back in it’s cage 250/1 My tiger has been tamed 250/1 At least I didn’t pay 500/1 I did not have sexual relations with that woman How many times will Tiger say “sorry”? 16/1 None 5/2 One 9/4 Two 7/2 Three 9/2 Four 5/1 Five 7/2 Six or more

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

LMAO! You're on a roll

Anonymous said...

Sarah Palin comment on that smart ass Russian skater guy's routine, where the American won gold: "How's that second-placey, silvery medal thing working out for yah?"

Anonymous said...

2 to 1: its time to rise to the occasion

Anonymous said...

LYAO all you want, but BG wasn't the one who compiled the list. He copied it off another site.
My money is on not crying. Tears at this point would look very insincere:

Will Tiger cry during the press conference?

5/2 Yes
1/4 No

Plus, I'm gonna go long shot and say he quotes lyrics from the Jefferson Starship song Ride the Tiger

Anonymous said...

On December 21 2012 we'll all be sorry.

Anonymous said...

Im so sick of hearing about Tiger Woods. I feel the only people he needs to apologize to are his wife and kids. Its really no one else's business. This kind of thing happens all the time to alot of different people. I feel sorry that just because some people have a big name that all of their mistakes and stupid decisions get brought up in the news. No one is perfect, although I'm sure alot of people think they are. Just let him and his family be. They will either work through it or they won't. It's not the end of the world.

Anonymous said...

Today on the news they talked about Tiger OMG who cares. The man likes to have sex. AND it is no ones business but his and his family. I feel sorry for his kids and wife. All this media and people coming out saying they had sex with him. The news airs this crap because people want it. I feel sorry for America and ashamed.

Anonymous said...

He said the same speach I did . It worked and that dumb bitch never knew. I love Tiger he hates liberal weenies too !

Anonymous said...

Tiger Woods Who Cares

mzchief said...

I do not understand why Tiger had a media moment to discuss his personal issues. It is no one's business, except his wife's, that he was a cheating, whore mongering, horn dog.

It is equally wrong for aged horn dogs like Donald Trump and Geraldo Rivera to offer up their opinion that Tiger needs to get a divorce and chalk his marriage up to a youthful mistake and move on.

I can understand Elin Woods wanting to work to restore her marriage. If the marriage was good while Tiger was boning every ho-bag from the east to west coast of the US there is no reason not to give it a try to see how good their marriage can be when Tiger's not boning hos. I applaud Elin and Tiger for realizing the two of them CAN get over this difficult time in their marriage but their children would NEVER get over a divorce.

chupacabra said...

Why do we care?

Anonymous said...

What's the big deal?

I mean he's not the President of the United States or somethin.

Anonymous said...

I'm tired of hearing about people who say they're tired of hearing about Tiger Woods - or any other subject that gets too much play in the news cycle. If it bothers you that badly, just curl up in the fetal position and switch the channel to cartoons or the Disney Channel, where nothing bad ever happens...it's all just unicorns crapping rainbows

Anonymous said...

Just a doggone minute.

Parliamentary procedure point of clarification for Mzchief.

He has boned ho's in (deep inhale):

Afghanistan
Akrotiri
Albania
Algeria
American Samoa
Andorra
Angola
Anguilla
Antarctica
Antigua and Barbuda
Argentina
Armenia
Aruba
Ashmore and Cartier Islands
Australia
Austria
Azerbaijan

just a sec, let me catch my breath.

Football guru

Anonymous said...

You have to admire his tennacity, 18 holes a day wasn't enough

stolen from the ticket

Anonymous said...

Hope he gets a case of uncureable shanks, or something worse.

Anonymous said...

Pick choose your aphorism:
1. All we are is dust in the wind.

2. All in all it's just another brick in the wall.

3. Dropkick me Jesus through the goalposts of life...Free from the earthly tempestion below
I’ve got the will, Lord if you’ve got the toe.

Personally, I like #3.

My Other Brother Darryl

PS - apologies to Kansas, Pink Floyd, and Bobby Bare.

Anonymous said...

One Question:
Paper or Plastic?

It's all about the money baby!!

Atheletes who have done this in the past and been open about it and could care less what others think end up taking a beating from their respective associations, NFL, NBA, PGA (Daly), NHL, etc. Woods does it and hides it and he gets the sweetie pie treatment. What a joke! Like I said, it's all about the money baby. Elin has ole Tiger by the short hairs, he knows it and has to redeem himself in order to keep her paid.

Anonymous said...

RE: "On December 21 2012 we'll all be sorry."

No we won't.

Tiger who?

Anonymous said...

Ah, This is perfect! Clarifies
many misnomers I've been hearing.

Jack Daniels said...

Does anyone really give a rat's ass about Tiger?

Anonymous said...

I just wish Tigger would find a nice black chick....or would that be an oxy=moron..?

Anonymous said...

It appears to me that Tiger & his wife have a problem to deal with - not any of the rest of us. Remember, he is an athlete, a very good golfer. If you choose him as a role model, that's your choice. Whether his wife is white, black or green, it shouldn't matter to anyone but him and his wife. He appears to be getting "treatment" and whether that changes his behavior we'll have to wait for reports from the tabloids. Give it a rest, we've many more important issues to consider.

Anonymous said...

Tiger sounded like Sling Blade throughout the whole scripted apology. I don't think Tiger does much reading.