The Campaign For DA

12.18.2013

My Year End List of Worst/Fraudulent/Sparest/Self-Important People In America


  • Sheriff Joe - If the KKK held an election for a sheriff, he'd win in a landslide
  • Nancy Grace - If charges are filed against you, you're guilty
  • Sean Hannity - Doing a bit all the way to the bank
  • Rush Limbaugh - Ditto
  • Mark Cuban - Living off dumb Yahoo! money for over a decade
  • Lane Kiffin - He could make Baylor 0-11 next year as a head coach
  • Dennis Prager - Thrice married pseudo intellectual radio host who thinks college will corrupt you because you're not smart enough to develop your own belief system.
  • Ben and Skin - Sports radio personalities on The Fan who specialize in unfunny bits
  • Joe Jamail - His days as a UT bully are numbered
  • Judge Jerry Ray - Retired judge who didn't understand that a Fort Worth jury understood DWI law more than he did
  • Sen. Lindsey Graham - He's a dumb Ted Cruz
  • Joel Osteen - I'm finally on to this guy
  • Harry Reid - The Democrats need him as a spokesperson like they needed Tip O'Neill
  • Chris Berman - Even once he retires from ESPN, he will never leave this list
  • George P. Bush - Trying to capitalize on a name that can't be capitalized upon 
  • Greg Abbott - A bigger fraud and panderer than Rick Perry. And I didn't think that was possible
  • The Family Cat - But she's better than she used to be
  • Dan Patrick - the Texas Lt. Gov. candidate, not the sports guy
  • Craig Watson Watkins- He became Dallas DA in a shocking Democratic takeover and, despite not being able to spell Penal Code, they may never be able to get rid of him
  • Mark Levin - Right wing radio host who makes me think, "Why are you yelling? You're a foot from me." 
  • Dennis Miller - realized he could avoid irrelevance by hate filled rants for the Fox News crowd
  • Robin Thicke - Does he realize he'll have to sing that song for the rest of his life?
  • Clarice Tinsley - I hold her personally responsible for that horrible Fox 4 bit of reading viewers' reaction on Facebook on a flatscreen and then reading comments from her phone
Edited with reader suggestions:

  • Ken Anderston - Former Williamson County DA responsible for wrongful imprisonment of Michael Morton
  • President Obama - The only shock is that it took the commenters over five minutes to add him.
  • Me - For inaccurate sports predicting and ambulance chasing. (Obviously from someone who knows me so very, very well.) 
  • Daniel Snyder - Redskins owner
  • Rowdy - Cowboys' mascot and should be a Hall of Famer on this list
  • TxDot engineer who designed 287/350 interchange
  • Tom Bishop - former constable
  • Decatur PD
  • Justin Beiber - I should have thought of him
  • Kathleen Sebelius 
  • Rage 
  • Michael Bloomberg - Billionaire mayor of New York who wants to deprive you of sodypop
  • Martin Bashir - Basically fired from MSNBC for Sarah Palin comments
  • Alec Baldwin - Fired from MSNBC for homophobic slur at photographer
  • Richard Simmons
  • Intern who made up the names of the pilots of the Korean Jet that crashed in SF - I couldn't disagree more. This guy was a genius.
  • Montague County Sheriff Paul Cunningham - nominated by employee. Make that a disgruntled employee.
  • Gretchen Carlson - Fox News blonde
  • Ann Coulter - Can't believe I forgot about her, but she's got a much lower profile these days.
  • Turf - The Bridgeport/Decatur rivalry never gets old
  • Testosterone cream - Ok, that was funny.
  • Doug Fulwood - former Decatur band director. (Man, we're getting deep into this now.)
  • Eric Holder - What took you guys so long?
  • Nancy Pelosi - Ditto
  • Wendy Davis - Ditto
  • Joe Biden - Ditto
  • Piers Morgan - I really like this CNN guy.
  • David Dewhurst - I would have put him on my list but it's just too dang obvious.
  • MzChief - Her recent appearance guaranteed a nomination. 
  • Repete - Call back joke regarding a WFAA weather graphic
  • Real Housewives of [Anywhere] - Not a bad selection
  • Toronto Mayor Rob Ford - How dare you nominate him, sir!
  • Sarah Palin - She made a strong push to make my list with her War on Christmas book, but overall she was quiet this year. 
  • Courtney Stodden - Oh, come on. She has something to offer. 
  • John Cornyn 
  • "Speaks volumes" guy and the guy who uses "Obammy"
  • "Simon Cowell Nicki Minaj Lady Gag - not mispelled" - They are so far off my radar that I didn't even consider them
  • Walter White - Don't even joke about including him. Especially since he died in that car and had that lengthy revenge dream. 
  • Britney Spears - The official LL girl? No way.
  • "And Another" Teachers
  • The Decatur Beggar - It's not nice to dogpile at Christmas time.  
  • "John Holmes Ghost" Guy - He pushes the envelope, but he's got a little something
  • Wordkyle - Let the record reflect he finally made the list at 3:22 p.m. 
  • "Snow monkeys - The Double Fake Nolan Ryan" - Hey, they may be your nemesis, but they are just lovable little creatures to the rest of us.