The Cleanse: Day 10 (The Final Day)

• Finally!!
• I think my bathroom scale is screwed up. I can't believe my weight remained constant for the last three days and then suddenly drops 3.5 pounds on the final day.
• It truly became a contest of mind over body. I liked that. And I won't lie, the fact that I publicized my plight here was a heck of a motivation.
• That might be a good trick if you want to try the program: Tell as many people as you can that you are doing the program.
• Should you do it? I guess it depends on your personality. I found it to be an almost spiritual experience.
• What will I eat now? Probably soup today. Maybe some type of Lean Cuisine.
• I cannot believe I went 10 days without food.

Mood: Triumphant Feeling: Great Weight Loss: 9.0 lbs

The Cleanse: Day 9

• I see the finish line, and I'm excited.
• The program, amazingly, gets easier as the days go by. I'm rarely hungry, and I'm certain I could do this for another week. But there's no way I will.
• I'm kind of surprised about losing only 5.5 lbs, but I really didn't have that much to lose to start with. But my clothes are incredibly loser. (Most people lose in excess of 10.)
• Someone wrote yesterday that it was a "waste" since I had loss 5.5 lbs of "pure muscle." Hey, I didn't have 5.5 lbs of muscle to start with.
• But, once again, this was not about weight loss. It was about cleansing, And, trust me, that has been accomplished.
• I've been 100% faithful to the program. There has not been one piece of food of any type that has entered my mouth in nine days.
• Although I appreciate all the advice, there sure are a lot of experts out there.
• The program says that I should start easing out of the program by only drinking orange juice on Day 11. Riiiiiiiiiiight.
• I've continued my routine of jogging every other day without difficulty.
• My Dallas nemeses emailed me yesterday and told me she was sick with the flu. Karma!
• I had some funny text messages from an unfamiliar number last night telling me that he/she was eating Tacos al Carbon at Posada's. The last one was signed "Double Fake Reverse Text Heckler."

Mood: Ecstatic Feeling: 99% of normal Weight loss: 5.5 lbs

The Cleanse: Day 8

• Not a whole lot more to add, I'm just cruising. It's really no different than days 4 through 7.
• I did suffer a headache for the first time last night. Some people complain that headaches are a major symptom of this program.
• One of our office folks dropped down a bag of candy on my desk yesterday as a belated birthday gift. It haunted me all day.
• I fired up the salt water flush last night again. Sheesh.
• I think my colon is as clean as an operating room floor.
• I can't tell you the number of people who have told me they plan on doing The Master Cleanse.
• Some people stop me in the courthouse and ask, in a very concerned voice, "You doing OK?" as if I might pass out and go tumbling down the stairs any second.
• No text from my Dallas nemesis last night.

Mood: Wishful Feeling: About as normal as can be Weight loss: 5.5 lbs

The Cleansing: Day 7

• The easiest day so far. I have no idea why I'm not starving, but I guess my body has just adjusted.
• I passed (pardon the pun) on the salt water cleanse yesterday. I just thought my body needed a rest. But I did drink the tea.
• I had more energy than normal.
• I haven't slept as soundly as other people on the program claim to. Then again, I never sleep through the night.
• Weekend conquered! I'm home free now.
• I hope.
• Someone wrote I could have lost more weight if I had just been drinking Slimfast. Uh, it's the Master Cleanse Program not the Drink Silly Slimfast Diet.
• My Dallas nemesis text: "Chicken broth and clear liquids. Have my own version of master cleanse going."

Mood: Like I'm ahead in the 4th quarter Feeling: Darn near normal Weight Loss: 5.5 lbs

The Cleansing: Day 6

• It's kind of mundane now. I'm beginning to get tired of cutting lemons, mixing lemons, and drinking a concoction made of lemons.
• The worst part about Saturday was the loss of the simple joy of eating. When you don't have to plan for lunch or dinner, it kind of makes for a blah kind of day.
• But to say I'm starving would be a lie. A slight hunger pain, but really no big deal.
• Some one wrote the I should enjoy the journey instead of looking towards the end. That's probably pretty good advice.
• I jogged yesterday with no issues. Actually felt pretty good.
• Many people who do the program claim that by this point they "have more energy than ever" by this point. Although I don't feel bad, I don't find that to be true.
• I started this thing so abruptly that my refrigerator is still full of tempting food. I get to see that every time I open it to get water.
• That Fiji bottled water is kind of expensive -- but it comes in one quart containers which is perfect for my mixtures.
• Once I get off this thing, I'm thinking of starting Nutrisystems. That will seem like an all you can eat buffet.
• My Dallas text nemesis resurfaced last night at 8:47 p.m.: "Snuffers cheese fries and lots of beer."

Mood: Resigned but positive Feeling: A tad bit lethargic Weight loss: 5.0 lbs.

The Cleansing: Day 5

• Another good day.
• There's a slight euphoria that has set in, coupled with a slight nagging hunger pain.
• But Day 5 is 75% easier than days 1 and 2.
• I really didn't feel fatigued until late afternoon.
• Despite the euphoria, I feel a tad bit more agressive in my daily routine.
• I've added the "special tea" in the morning followed by the salt water cleanse in the evening. Uh, that has made it imperative not to leave the house in the evening.
• OK, since I've not had any solid food in five days, you'd think I'd have nothing to cleanse out. Right? Wrong. Whatever is being flushed out of my body now has probably been in there for a while. I think that's the whole point of this program.
• I've been stopped by quite a few people that are fascinated by this program and want to try it.
• I'm at the halfway point. I think I'll make it --- especially if I can get through the weekend. Friday evening was an exciting time of watching three episodes of Season 2 of The Wire.
• And my Text Message Taunter from Dallas was silent last night.

Mood: Melancholy Feeling: Determined Weight Loss: 4.5 lbs.

The Cleansing: Day 4

• This experiment has taken an interesting twist: I felt fine yesterday for the first time since I began this silly program. There were very few hunger pains despite not having a bite of solid food in four days.
• The first two days, upon reflection, were very hard. Almost like the initial feelings of weakness when the flu is coming on.
• But I felt good enough yesterday, and had enough energy, to jog.
• I bought some of that "special tea" to help the cleaning process. (I finally had to break down and ask the clerk where it could be located. Ugh.)
• While waiting to check out with the tea, I saw the "The Master Cleanser" book. Unfortunetaly, right beside it was the book by known scam artist Kevin Trudeau. (Pic above.)
• And I continued to drink the salt water at night which gave rise to this realization: The tea serves to aid the cleansing process by, uh, loosening things up.
• And, although I'll keep most of this to myself, the cleansing process (which is supposed to remove gunk that has built up in your system for years) has become fascinating.
• This is not supposed to be about weight loss, but I'm very surprised about how little weight I've lost. But I've always been that way. Diet for three weeks and see little result only to have the weight come off the following week.
• And my Dallas nemesis sent yet another text last night: ""Grilled flank steak with cheese filled bacon wrapped in jalapenos." (These are coming from girl who is skinny as a rail, by the way.)

Mood: Optimistic Feeling: About 90% of normal Weight loss: 3 lbs (OK, I dropped the "-" sign to be technically correct)

The Cleanse: Day 3

• It's odd. The hunger pains (pangs?) were significantly less than days one and two.
• That doesn't mean I'm not dying to eat something.
• The Sonic "double melt sandwich" (or whatever it is) on TV is haunting me. Which is silly because I'd never eat one of those even if I wasn't on this program.
• I traveled a few miles to buy "Grade B" maple syrup after I realized I had accidentally bought "Grade A" for my daily drink. (It looks thicker -- which is good.)
• Drinking the one liter of salt water for the nightly "cleanse" is horrific. I'm researching some other alternative.
• I've noticed some people are fascinated by this program and want to talk to me about it.
• I'm really dreading the weekend.
• I'm still have a bit of light headedness but it's combined with a little bit of motivation. (As I was walking out of work yesterday, I decided to watch one more DWI video.)
• I had been getting sleepy around 8:30. That stopped last night.
• And I got another taunting text message from Dallas: "Homemade mac and cheese with gruyere and pancetta."
• This program takes insane will power. I wouldn't ridicule anyone that couldn't do it.

Mood: Settling In Feeling: Not Bad At All Weight Loss: -2 lbs

The Cleansing: Day 2

• Was incredibly hungry all day long, but during the evening I finally started feeling normal.
• I still get sleepy much earlier than normal
• Felt a little light headed and tired during the day but, oddly, I was incredibly productive yesterday.
• Lunch without having lunch is a strange experience.
• I had to get encouragement from a friend --- kind of like an AA buddy.
• I'm stealing this line from Richie Whitt: You don't realize how much time we spend on thinking about food, preparing food, and eating food until you don't have to do it.
• Drinking that salt water mixture was, once again, brutal. Friends are suggesting I switch to "special tea."
• As far as the unmentionable side effects? Not too bad so far.
• A friend from Dallas sent me a text message last night that simply read: "Mmmm tacos al pastor con guajillo sauce :)"
• There's a package of Baked Doritos Nacho Chips on the top of office refrigerator that is mocking me. Hard.
• And, yes, I've not posted a multitude of comments. Once again, I proclaim that I don't do scatological humor.

Mood: Still apprehensive Feeling: Much better Weight Loss: - 1.5 lbs

The Cleansing: Day #1

• This was rougher than I thought it was. I was starving. But all those that have done the program before says the first day is the hardest. Lordy, I hope they are right.
• I had to go buy the ingredients of sea salt, natural maple syrup, and cayenne pepper, but I got lucky when I ducked into Central Market off of Hulen in Fort Worth and found them all.
• That's the first time I had ever been in that grocery store. High tone. Lots of hot mommas with very well behaved kids.
• And that place is expensive.
• My daily drink of two quarts of water flavored with 14 tablespoons of maple syrup, 14 tablespoons of pure lemon juice, and a one tablespoon of cayenne pepper is pretty good.
• I refuse to talk much about the "cleansing" aspect of the program, but I did drink one quart of water combined with one tablespoon of natural sea salt. It was awful. And the results were mild. All I'm saying.
• I don't know if had anything to do with the program, but I became exhausted last night at 8:30. At least I got a long night's sleep.
• I'm not doing this as a diet, I'm using for cleaning purposes. I know at least three people personally that have done it and loved it.
• Yeah, I know diet and exercise are the way to maintain weight. I've done that for 13 years.
• And, yeah, I've received a ton of emails telling me I am out of my mind.

Mood: Apprehensive. Feeling: A little tired. Weight Loss: 0 pounds.