It's The Weekend! Let's Get Out Of Here!

And I Say This With Sincerity: Hook 'Em

.@BEVO_XIV has passed away in his sleep. RIP Bevo XIV. #winforbevo http://t.co/pONGSPrkEa pic.twitter.com/PDIJi3A59D

— Texas Longhorns (@TexasSports) October 16, 2015

Sports Humor + Lawn Chore Humor = Greatness

This dude is just RAKING right now https://t.co/g9fzZZa93i

— Chris Hassel (@hasselESPN) October 15, 2015

I Finally Realized Why I've Always Loved This

It's a beaten down guy in a suit. He cuts loose in a fantasy at an empty hotel (which is empty only in his mind).  He even briefly pauses in the middle of it to contemplate whether he should continue this dream. And at the end, he sits back down in a chair and realizes his life has not changed at all.

Talk about Walter Mitty! There's even some flying like in Birdman.

(I don't know who I was dating at the time I first saw this but I remember her telling me the video was "stupid".)

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• I walked out this morning and found my car door slightly ajar. (That's definitely a "whoa" moment.) My glove box was open. The console was open. But nothing had been scattered and nothing had been taken. The garage door opener was the first thing I looked for  and it was there. Any ideas what they were looking for?  And do they not fear I have it on video?
• Hot sports opinion about The Ticket: The main hosts, who have made a fortune, are fed up with Cumulus and are about to go Scorched Earth and walk away.
• There was/is a crazy wild fire in Bastrop County. In 2011, Bastrop County was hit with a wild fire which gave rise to one of the craziest photos I had ever seen. 
• I'm losing touch with technology. I received a PDF document which required a password (which I had.) If opened it, saved it to my hard drive, and then emailed it to someone else they were still prompted to enter a password to open it. I had no idea. 
• Great opinion at the courthouse the other day: "The Texas Penal Code should grant total immunity for any crime committed by someone after they turn 80."
• An Albino deer is roaming around Denton. Come see me, brother. I won't discriminate because you are different. (But I'm still mad at your brothers for running away from me on my hike up Guadalupe Peak.)
• BagOfNothing posted audio yesterday of Christopher Walken reading Edgar Allen Poe's "Nevermore".  I'm going to post in a second about Walken in Flatboy Slim's video, because it just dawned on me why I've always loved it. 
• More technology: The Kids In The House really don't understand the concept of a "hard drive". For them, everything is "in the cloud." And, you know, almost everything I do is in the cloud. 
• I wrote this on 4/1/15 in Random Thoughts: "Hillary should select one of the Texas Castro brothers as her vice president nominee. She won't win Texas even if she did, but it could awaken the Hispanic electorate in general. And once they are awakened, it's game over. Not just this election but for years to come." ABC News reported this yesterday: "Hillary Clinton opened the door today for Julian Castro to be a possible pick for vice president if she wins the Democratic nomination, saying she is 'going to really look hard at him for anything, because that's how good he is.'" Does anyone want to hire me as a political consultant? 

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• Mark down yesterday in Rangers' baseball history as having the most bizarre inning in the history of innings. The 7th. 53 minutes. Chaos. Objects thrown from the crowd. Mothers guarding children. Weird plays. Three errors by one guy. I think I heard my neighbor run out the door screaming, "Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husbands!"
• I would think Elvis Andrus was pulling a Pete Rose by betting on baseball and throwing the game if his performance wasn't so ridiculously bad. (By the way, that guy who made an unfathomable three errors in one inning makes $15 million a year and is under contract to make $103 million in the future. All guaranteed. And to think I represent people accused of stealing $50 from Walmart.)
• I didn't even mention the greatest bat flip of all time. I love this. 
•  
• And BagOfNothing has the greatest vine ever of a kid being destroyed at the game by a celebrating dad. Deadspin called it, "Sports Baby Goes Down."
• I had a five minute discussion yesterday with two people up at the courthouse about "Let's rank the household chores based upon difficulty." Floor/carpet cleaning won. Doing laundry was a controversial topic. Bed making caused an argument because neither of the other two do it. They obviously are disrespecting the military and I won't stand for it!!
• The morning show on The Ticket did a segment on how underpaid and overworked the Dallas police are. You kidding me? In just a few years after hiring they make in the mid $60,000 range and that doesn't include the ridiculously paid side jobs, increased pay for night shifts, health care, a pension, and being in a union which will defend you no matter what you do. And they work for the government which has a million times more restrictions on how they can treat you in comparison to the private sector. Heck, just don't murder someone on video and you'll never be fired -- and maybe not even then. 
• The jogger who was hacked to death with a machete by the former Aggie was a 53 year old runner, married, lived on a "typical looking suburban street", and was "quiet and largely stayed to" himself. Good lord, that's me. 
• Some people ask whether there even has to be a trial since the alleged killer confessed. You want to live in a world where a cop comes out of a room and says, "He confessed" and that's all that is needed to be locked up for life or executed? 
• Baylor is 41-9 in its last 50 games, averaging 50.1 points and 607.6 yards since November 2011. But, of course, "they haven't played anyone." They are Walter White with a machine gun.
• I would have preferred a headline of, "That's a tough one, pal" . . . . 

Wife Of Our (Indicted) Texas Attorney General Sings "I'm pistol packin' mama and my husband sues Obama"

Link

I would pay money to see a photo spread of the "Golden Corridor Republican Women's Club."

Secret Video Of Me Trying To Dance With A Girl On My Sports Weekend*

I was still able to make it to the game.

(Man, what a weird guy with issues out the wazoo.)
______
* Please tell me you know I'm kidding

Let's Go To A Soccer Game . . . Oh, My!!! Fight! Fight! Fight!

Man, I could study those first 40 seconds more than I could study the Zapruder film. Wow. Crazy gals! Crazy guys! Haymakers! Chaos! Anarchy!

But props to this guy (although there seems something video photoshopped about it which would make me very sad if that's the case. I hope this is real life.)

I Don't Understand This At All

Poor liberals think it's racist to deplore a brutal dictatorship. #DemDebate https://t.co/ItkrFfMYiL

— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) October 14, 2015

Then again, I didn't quite understand a devout Christian playing with Ted Nugent on Cat Scratch Fever:

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

• That's a bonus second pic because someone sent it to me. That is Raquel Welch (now age 75) from back in the day.  And I love that billboard in the background. True Grit was rated "M"? I don't remember "M". Admission: I've never seen True Grit and was stunned to see Glen Campbell's name on the billboard. I had no idea. (I've referenced his Wichita Lineman on this blog an embarrassing number of times.)
• We now have the most bizarre story of the year: Former Dallas Maverick and Kardashian-by-marriage Lamar Odom is in critical condition after being found unconscious at a Nevada brothel owned by Dennis Hof (who is famous for the Cathouse reality series on HBO.)  To ramp this up, Odom had taken "herbal Viagra", drank a bottle of Cognac, had been at the "house" for three days, and had to be driven to the hospital because he was too tall for Careflight. (I think my head just exploded from typing this.) EDIT: Wait a second. Someone just mentioned that the 911 call was placed by former Ticket employee Dick Hunter (who was a huge fan of Dennis Hof and got married at the Bunny Ranch)!
• And I only thought my Sports Weekend was pretty kick arse. 
• Not to kick the guy while he is down, but The Ticket had a round table a couple of years back and agreed the Odom was the biggest spare in Mav's history because he didn't even remotely care about giving an effort. Mark Cuban shockingly called in to tell them they didn't know what they were talking about because they "didn't know" what he knew. (See: "Smartest guy in the room.")  Odom was signed by the Mavericks for $8.2 million for the 2012 season, ended up being one of the most shocking free agent busts in NBA history and was eventually allowed to simply walk away. Cuban always says, "If you don't see the sucker at the table, the sucker is you." 
• I've never had a flu shot. I've never had the flu. 
• "A former employee on Tuesday filed suit to formally have Dallas County District Attorney Susan Hawk removed from office . . . The lawsuit comes under a rarely used, obscure provision in the law that allows nearly any [county] resident to seek the removal of an elected official based on incompetence, official misconduct or drunkenness, on or off duty." It's not an "obscure provision", it is an insane law. Here it is in the Texas Local Government Code: "Sec. 87.013.  GENERAL GROUNDS FOR REMOVAL.  (a)  An officer may be removed for: (1)  incompetency; (2)  official misconduct;  or (3)  intoxication on or off duty caused by drinking an alcoholic beverage."  You read that last provision correctly: A public official in Texas can be removed from office for getting drunk in his home. 
• Then again, Susan Hawk makes $210,000 in taxpayer money plus benefits and retirement. 
• Her lawyer called the lawsuit an “outrageous abuse of the system.”  Jackie Chiles, the lawyer from Seinfeld, once said a lawsuit was "lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous!"
• I didn't watch a second of the Democratic debate. Those debates will play no role in the eventual outcome. 
• I've never seen an episode of the TV show Fargo despite the fact that I know I'd love it. 
• I walked out of the bathroom this morning and saw that Mrs. LL was watching The Heartbreak Kid starring Ben Stiller. I've always loved that movie, but I've never found anyone else who even remotely agrees with me. Sheesh! It's a Farelly brothers' film!

Jogger In High Tone Area Beaten To Death By Former Aggie Not Identified?

More than 24 hours after his murder, Dallas police say they still haven't identified jogger (running w/o ID). Asking for public help @NBCDFW

— Jeff Smith (@JeffSmithNBC5) October 13, 2015

But I do want to make sure that we all blame Johnny Football:

Get Me This Tentative Puppy!!!!

A Tale Of Two Cities . . . Uh . . . I Mean States

From today's news:

From the Texas DPS twitter feed this month:

Who do you think will win this war? Is there a place in Vegas I can gamble everything I own on it?

Idiocracy Has Been Ramped Up

Bad taste. Bad bit. Bad acting. Staged. Not a prank.

But based upon the youtube comments, no one seems to realize it. And normally the commentors on youtube are the first to call stuff out. Is it a new generation? Are they drinking soft drinks with more electrolytes and molecules?

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• I watched a little of the great movie Snatch last night (which I think is Brad Pitt's greatest role), and it reminded me of something. It doesn't matter how smart you are, how rich you are, or how "gangsta" you think you are: You do not get in a battle with people who have nothing to lose. 
• There was a murder on White Creek Trail near a bridge in Dallas yesterday which I posted about. I jogged there once in an organized race and that area creeped me out. 
• If House Republicans can't even agree on a Speaker I doubt the party will be able to nominate a presidential candidate that stands a chance of winning. It is a dysfunctional and split family. 
• A man was freed in Dallas yesterday after serving 25 years in prison based upon the stupid "science" of "bite mark evidence" where a freaking dentist testified there was a 1 in a million chance that the marks on the victim came from anyone other than the defendant. You kidding me?   Think about this: In the famous Lake Waco Murders, David Wayne Spence was executed by the government after his conviction based upon "bite mark science".  One of his co-defendants was also found guilty but after a reversal on appeal, and a re-trial in Tarrant  County on a change of venue, he was found not guilty. Read Careless Whispers - a thirty year old book which is fantastic.  
• It's rare to see a fresh newspaper on a front lawn. 
• It's a weird college football world: Steve Spurrier quits mid-season at South Carolina, the USC coach gets fired because of drunkenness, and Baylor sits at #2 and TCU at #3 in the polls. It's Bizarro World.
• A friend read my Sports Trip post yesterday and later walked past me and said, "Hey, Walter Mitty, that was a heck of a weekend." You know, I am Walter Mitty. And I'll be dang if The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty wasn't on TV last night. (And I flipped between it, Phantom of the Opera and Gone Girl.)
• In yesterday's Random Thoughts, I mentioned Mount Everest, climbing to the top of Guadalupe Peak, and taking risks that might kill me one day. Keeping in mind the above bullet point, look at this line from the great book Into Thin Air (by the author of my often mentioned Into The Wild):  "Walter Mittys with Everest dreams need to bear in mind that when things go wrong up in the death zone (above 26,000 feet)—and sooner or later they always do—the strongest guides in the world may be powerless to save [you]." Mitty. Everest. Climbing. Death.
• I forgot to mention yesterday that I took the trip carrying only a backpack. There is something incredibly freeing about traveling with only a backpack. (And I no longer fold my clothes. I roll them up.)
• I loved a comment yesterday from someone who said I wasn't a real "sports fan" because on my Sports Trip I left a game early. I would like to alert the public there is someone out there who is so mentally disturbed that he thinks I take those trips to see who wins the games.
• A buddy asked me yesterday if my reference to "Time is not your friend" was some type of secret code that I have a terminal illness. I told him, "No, I don't. At least as far as know.  But we are all dying."

An "Oh, My" From Dallas

Fmr Texas A&M player, left team freshman year for personal reasons, fatally stabs a jogger: http://t.co/7xJNRia7if pic.twitter.com/gRmdOYWBto

— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) October 12, 2015

And here's a DMN article from 2014 regarding "where is he now?"

Let's Check In On Some Sports

The Astros are on the verge of losing and our idiot Governor congratulates them for winning.

But he knows sports!

And speaking of goofballs, the Rangers' Derek Holland just got shelled in the first two innings. #NeverEverResignHim. He's managed to play in 16 games in two years and has earned $12.8 million for his effort.