Hey, Look! It's That Tweeting Texas Judge

Thanks @JusticeWillett for a very scholarly, entertaining lunch. I feel SO SMART RIGHT NOW! #WiseJudge pic.twitter.com/JXHLSCp8eN

— Lauren Luxenburg (@LaurenC_Lux) October 21, 2015

Get Me Dez Bryant's Monkey!

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• Sounds like a huge house fire in Runaway Bay this morning. 
• I'm not sure who weatherman Grant Johnston of KXAS is, but you have to really appreciate his prediction of 3.77 inches of rain for Wise County, 4.48 inches for Parker, and 5.16 inches for Fort Worth. Could he be a little more bold and specific? Yesterday I made a joke about the exact time the rain would start but now I feel like a respectable forecaster.
• But it will be big rain: Picture from Odessa last night. 
• I've watched a Texas prosecutors message board for almost two decades. It used to be really informative. Now basically the only thing prosecutors ask is, "Does anyone have a form for . . . . "  That basically means, "I'm too dumb to even begin to do this myself." 
• Joe Biden won't run for president. That makes me sad because I wanted the entertainment. 
• There's an old saying about the youngest person you should date age-wise is "half your age plus seven." I don't think I've ever heard that. 
• Hey, Dennis Prager commenter guy: Calm down. If you want to buy into his crap, knock yourself out.  Joel Osteen has a ton of followers, too.
• Speaking of, Mrs. LL wants me to go with her to a high school reunion and go to a football game. She had a you-are-so-odd reaction when I asked, "At Shotwell Stadium?" (I got to laugh to myself because I could only hear Craig Way in my head when I said it.) 
• Jeb Bush was asked to name his favorite super hero and he went with Super Girl. He had seen her on TV as he was working out earlier that day and said she was "pretty hot".  Ok, now I'm warming up to him. Be yourself. Be a regular guy. 

The Greatest Kickball Defensive Play Ever!

I just wrote "The Greatest Kickball Defensive Play Ever!".  Idiocracy?

(But that was pretty cool.)

Johnny Football's Relationships Aren't Going Well

“He hit me a couple times but please please don’t make it a thing” pic.twitter.com/82jgcmsI0H

— ChrisB (@CBturnedHeel) October 21, 2015

But the fake eyelash observation was either crazy or brilliant. 

And Here You Have Some Marketing Genius

Edit: And what ever happened to Biff?

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

• Liberally Lean Weather Forecast: Rain. And I predict it will begin at 11:15 tomorrow. (I made a silly prediction once on here about a cold front that was coming and I missed its arrival by 10 minutes.) But it sounds like there is a ton of rain coming.
• Dysfunctional Family Update: Jeb Bush writes in the National Review that  Donald Trump "[echos] the attacks of Michael Moore and the fringe left" on national security issues. (Jeb got attacked by Trump after Jeb said his brother "kept us safe" as president. Trump pointed out that 9/11 occurred during that presidency.)
• I mentioned on Random Thoughts that I was at a hearing where an officer testified that a guy was wearing "gladiator shoes" and that got his attention. Yesterday I was at the same court and I hear testimony from an officer that the defendant  "was nude at the time of the stop but then he put on women's shorts." I had another Look-Up-Slowly-Larry-David moment.  
• Another headline that makes my head explode: "New Texas law changes school year from 180 days to 75,600 minutes."
• It's Back To The Future 2 day: This is the day Marty McFly went into the future. (I was fascinated back in the day of concept of getting my hands on a sports almanac from thirty years in the future which contained  every score -- and then you go back in time. I'd be living in and owning The Bellagio.)
• One of the funnest things which used to happen to me as a young guy is that people thought I looked liked Michael J. Fox. I had strangers actually stop for second and do a double-take and then tell me why they did it. I'll admit that I loved it. 
• 
• Now I have Huey Lewis stuck in my head singing, "Gotta get back in time."
• Other than as a kid, I never had a dog until five years ago. Now I can't imagine a life without one. 
• Ryan Whitmore “Whit” Klein is listed in the obituaries in the Update. Was there a lawyer back in the 1990s here by that name? 
• Personal note to the those people I met with yesterday: I almost feel like I need to apologize for my intensity. Then again, I've been made fun up because I work myself up so much that I'll come close to shedding a tear during a misdemeanor closing argument. That's what happens when you care about what you do. 

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• At first I wasn't paying attention, but I think I witnessed the greatest moment at a hearing yesterday when a lawyer asked an officer what "brought your attention to the defendant." The answer? "His gladiator shoes." (Picture me looking at my iPad and then slowly looking up with a confused smile as those words rolled out.) He went further and said that footwear was associated with "lewd" behavior.  You know what I thought? "Are you not entertained!!" Yes. Yes, I was. 
• Headline that made my head explode: "Southlake life coach accused of bilking U.S. out of $26 million." Once you get past "life coach" and the amount of money you realize that the government got screwed.  But wait. There's more! The second paragraph of the story starts with "As a self-professed firewalker . . . . " (So she might not even be an actual firewalker?) This world is getting crazy.
• Donald Trump still leads the Republican party race with 27%.  TRUMP! 
• Trump has so much money in the bank that he doesn't even have to raise any funds but he's still collected over $5 million from people who support him.  (But that's nothing for a presidential race. Ted Cruz has begged for money and has collected over $60 million.)
• I wonder who is more powerful: A "drug lord" or a "kingpin"? And which name is cooler?
• I feel pretty good about my last Crazy Sports Weekend when Norm Hitzges does a whole segment ranting and raving about how he saw New Orleans Saints game and an LSU game last weekend. (Sports brag and cue the orchestra music: I did that four years ago.) 
• Mrs. LL turned into Woody Harrelson in Game Change last night as she pointed her finger at me and barked out  instructions and guidance.  And I'll be dang if I didn't look at her and say, "You're right."
• But we had a great moment as I calmed her down by saying, "Yo! Yolanda! What does Fonzie say!? What does Fonzie say!?"
• For some reason I watched an old episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Great, great stuff. Larry David is the kind of guy who would hear "gladiator shoes" and slowly look up. 
• Mrs. LL's mother texted her yesterday after she saw my last bullet point. It read, "So your husband is retiring and going to start a meth lab?" (She has a great and wicked sense of humor.) 
• As many issues as current Dallas DA Susan Hawk has, her predecessor continues to catch heat.

I'm A Little Late On This But . . . Wow

It happened in Granbury. The local news stations are giddy about it but here is the full video.

In Response To The Ton Of Questions/Calls About My Last Bullet Point: You Think I'd Do That?

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• Did I see a Decatur police car decorated in pink? Who paid for that? 
• Last year I made fun of the crooked pink line on the courthouse square. This is what I wrote: "Regarding the crooked Pink Stripe on the Decatur Square that I mentioned yesterday, I got called out by email: 'The line is painted, not by a machine, but by the hands of women in our community, each taking a turn and is an emotional and empowering opportunity for each of them. I have attached a picture so that you can see the faces of the women we celebrate: the moms, aunts, grandmas and friends, for enduring such a difficult time.'"  Not that it matters, but the line is perfectly straight this year. And when I'm stupid, I'll admit to being stupid.
• The last play of Michigan State/Michigan may be the greatest ending in college football history.  I bet I've replayed that twenty times. 
• I came downstairs on Saturday and saw Mrs. LL. watching Sex Tape. (Ok, everyone tap the brakes  -- it's not what you think.). It's a comedy released in 2014 starring "Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz, Rob Corddry, Ellie Kemper, and Rob Lowe." Verdict: Huge thumbs up because that was a cleverly written script. Whenever you have to hit the pause button because you think you just got hit with a genius yet subtle line but the characters keep moving, it's good stuff. 
• Mrs. LL and I went through my "home office" yesterday which has now turned into the biggest storage room in the history of ever. (I think we might have lost a dog in there.) We both came across scrapbooks and mementos from over ten years ago. I found a  20 year old letter from a high school friend who, upon reflection, seemed to be crying out for help but wouldn't come out and say it. I didn't realize it back then. Buried in it was "write me back." I didn't. And I never heard from him again. I walked out the room and said, "I'm such a [jerk.]"
• How in the world can Prestonwood Baptist Church hold a presidential forum and keep its tax exempt status? 
• Advil Cold and Sinus is like a miracle drug for me. 
• I am seriously considering doing something I never thought I would do again. And it would require an official announcement. If I do it, I'll tell you this week -- right here. You know how I always use the phrase of "it's the equivalent of Walter White of Breaking Bad with a machine gun"? That means there's a guy going back to make things right -- and he has nothing to lose. 

It's The Weekend! Let's Get Out Of Here!

And I Say This With Sincerity: Hook 'Em

.@BEVO_XIV has passed away in his sleep. RIP Bevo XIV. #winforbevo http://t.co/pONGSPrkEa pic.twitter.com/PDIJi3A59D

— Texas Longhorns (@TexasSports) October 16, 2015

Sports Humor + Lawn Chore Humor = Greatness

This dude is just RAKING right now https://t.co/g9fzZZa93i

— Chris Hassel (@hasselESPN) October 15, 2015

I Finally Realized Why I've Always Loved This

It's a beaten down guy in a suit. He cuts loose in a fantasy at an empty hotel (which is empty only in his mind).  He even briefly pauses in the middle of it to contemplate whether he should continue this dream. And at the end, he sits back down in a chair and realizes his life has not changed at all.

Talk about Walter Mitty! There's even some flying like in Birdman.

(I don't know who I was dating at the time I first saw this but I remember her telling me the video was "stupid".)

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• I walked out this morning and found my car door slightly ajar. (That's definitely a "whoa" moment.) My glove box was open. The console was open. But nothing had been scattered and nothing had been taken. The garage door opener was the first thing I looked for  and it was there. Any ideas what they were looking for?  And do they not fear I have it on video?
• Hot sports opinion about The Ticket: The main hosts, who have made a fortune, are fed up with Cumulus and are about to go Scorched Earth and walk away.
• There was/is a crazy wild fire in Bastrop County. In 2011, Bastrop County was hit with a wild fire which gave rise to one of the craziest photos I had ever seen. 
• I'm losing touch with technology. I received a PDF document which required a password (which I had.) If opened it, saved it to my hard drive, and then emailed it to someone else they were still prompted to enter a password to open it. I had no idea. 
• Great opinion at the courthouse the other day: "The Texas Penal Code should grant total immunity for any crime committed by someone after they turn 80."
• An Albino deer is roaming around Denton. Come see me, brother. I won't discriminate because you are different. (But I'm still mad at your brothers for running away from me on my hike up Guadalupe Peak.)
• BagOfNothing posted audio yesterday of Christopher Walken reading Edgar Allen Poe's "Nevermore".  I'm going to post in a second about Walken in Flatboy Slim's video, because it just dawned on me why I've always loved it. 
• More technology: The Kids In The House really don't understand the concept of a "hard drive". For them, everything is "in the cloud." And, you know, almost everything I do is in the cloud. 
• I wrote this on 4/1/15 in Random Thoughts: "Hillary should select one of the Texas Castro brothers as her vice president nominee. She won't win Texas even if she did, but it could awaken the Hispanic electorate in general. And once they are awakened, it's game over. Not just this election but for years to come." ABC News reported this yesterday: "Hillary Clinton opened the door today for Julian Castro to be a possible pick for vice president if she wins the Democratic nomination, saying she is 'going to really look hard at him for anything, because that's how good he is.'" Does anyone want to hire me as a political consultant? 

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• Mark down yesterday in Rangers' baseball history as having the most bizarre inning in the history of innings. The 7th. 53 minutes. Chaos. Objects thrown from the crowd. Mothers guarding children. Weird plays. Three errors by one guy. I think I heard my neighbor run out the door screaming, "Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo husbands!"
• I would think Elvis Andrus was pulling a Pete Rose by betting on baseball and throwing the game if his performance wasn't so ridiculously bad. (By the way, that guy who made an unfathomable three errors in one inning makes $15 million a year and is under contract to make $103 million in the future. All guaranteed. And to think I represent people accused of stealing $50 from Walmart.)
• I didn't even mention the greatest bat flip of all time. I love this. 
•  
• And BagOfNothing has the greatest vine ever of a kid being destroyed at the game by a celebrating dad. Deadspin called it, "Sports Baby Goes Down."
• I had a five minute discussion yesterday with two people up at the courthouse about "Let's rank the household chores based upon difficulty." Floor/carpet cleaning won. Doing laundry was a controversial topic. Bed making caused an argument because neither of the other two do it. They obviously are disrespecting the military and I won't stand for it!!
• The morning show on The Ticket did a segment on how underpaid and overworked the Dallas police are. You kidding me? In just a few years after hiring they make in the mid $60,000 range and that doesn't include the ridiculously paid side jobs, increased pay for night shifts, health care, a pension, and being in a union which will defend you no matter what you do. And they work for the government which has a million times more restrictions on how they can treat you in comparison to the private sector. Heck, just don't murder someone on video and you'll never be fired -- and maybe not even then. 
• The jogger who was hacked to death with a machete by the former Aggie was a 53 year old runner, married, lived on a "typical looking suburban street", and was "quiet and largely stayed to" himself. Good lord, that's me. 
• Some people ask whether there even has to be a trial since the alleged killer confessed. You want to live in a world where a cop comes out of a room and says, "He confessed" and that's all that is needed to be locked up for life or executed? 
• Baylor is 41-9 in its last 50 games, averaging 50.1 points and 607.6 yards since November 2011. But, of course, "they haven't played anyone." They are Walter White with a machine gun.
• I would have preferred a headline of, "That's a tough one, pal" . . . . 

Wife Of Our (Indicted) Texas Attorney General Sings "I'm pistol packin' mama and my husband sues Obama"

Link

I would pay money to see a photo spread of the "Golden Corridor Republican Women's Club."