Football Comedy

Arkansas State player plays dead. Or was hit by a sniper:

Hey Canada, move those goalposts!!!:

Odd Death From 1971

I could only think of Clerks when I read that.

Spot Cash was the biggest grocery store in town and it was right downtown. It's other claim to fame was that on a telephone pole behind it was the siren for the volunteer fire department. With no pager or beeper technology (or at least none that could anyone could afford), the fire department was summoned by a deafening blast from the siren that could be heard all over town.

The funny bit my dad (who had a clothing store across from Spot Case) and the owner of the grocery store had was that once the siren blasted, the owner of Spot Cash would hop in his car, pull up in front of dad's store, and dad would run out and jump in. And then off they would go to follow the fire truck.

Index Version of "Lost"

It's behind a paywall, but the Messenger reported the the pilot "turned up" in Oklahoma City later.   A paper in Brownwood said he "turned up" in Lubbock.  Anyone have the scoop on this story? I had never heard of it.

And look at all those boats with divers!  I'm dating myself, but Seahunt was in heavy syndication at the time. Looks like it provided lots of inspiration.

(And there's a note of a new judge and a new DA in a new judicial district that included Wise, Jack, and Cooke counties. It wouldn't last long since Jack and Wise would soon get there own combined 271st Judicial District.)

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• John Wiley Price applied for a court appointed lawyer in his federal prosecution case? That seems from unlike JWP.
• The children of the gun instructor killed by the 12 year old with an Uzi released a video providing encouragement for the girl. Anyone else have a problem with this? Their words are fantastic but couldn't this be communicated privately? Did it really have to be in a public video that oozes "look at me"? 
• Holy cow: When I went to link to above video and to watch it in its entirety, I learned it was released on the family's personal injury lawyer's website (who just happens to appear at the beginning and end of the video.) Now I'm disgusted. On Mark Davis' radio show this morning, he was almost in tears as he said the video is proof those kids were "well raised." No, it's proof they are being exploited by a lawyer (and a mom who just happens to be in the background of the video.)
• Adrian Peterson may have hurt a second child. 
• Mark Cuban's goofy brother, Brian,  tweeted yesterday: "I absolutely believe that Adrian Peterson never intended to harm his son but Child abuse can be negligent as well." So profound. Uh, that's why he was indicted for "Negligent Injury to a Child". Even the prosecutor's don't believe he intended the resulting injuries of his conduct. (I guess that's why he promotes himself as a "non-practicing lawyer" who now focuses on "Body Dysmorphic Disorder-Eating Disorders-Addiction-Depression-Courage-Recovery.")
• "NFL hiring female advisers to shape domestic violence policies." No, the NFL is pandering to females again because it has no respect for the intelligence of its fans.
• At 6:50 a.m. on Saturday, the Sixth Grader In The House was in her softball gear, and I was in my jogging gear. I felt like I was in a Nike inspirational commercial. 
• Four Atlantic City casinos have gone belly up this year. The latest is Trump Plaza. (Unfortunately, Donald Trump no longer has ties to it.) 
• Here's the video of UT screwing up the coin toss on Saturday. Man, that ref basically tried to talk the captains out of it. 
• Our district judge, after most every heated custody hearings, will urge the parents to get along and say something along the lines of, "You're going to turn around twice and they'll be grown one day."  It's amazing to see the head nods from the audience every single time. 
• I had to do some sheetrock repair which involved spackling, sanding, and texturing. Verdict: Not bad. (Although I did cheat with the spray on texturing from a can.)

Man, Tough Crowd

Hey, once the guy took his shirt off I was rooting for failure.  But he dang near broke his neck.

(I guess the crowd was laughing since he popped up pretty quickly, but that laughing seemed to start once the body hit the floor.)

Dad Shaves Off Beard In Middle Of Peek-A-Boo

Hey, dad, you better be on the lookout for the rest of your life. That little girl will remember that moment in the deep recesses of her mind.  You don't look like that chick in The Blair Witch Project without being scarred for life . . .

What Is That?

Bush Turnpike WB closed; construction equipment flipped & now dangling off Tollway ramp http://t.co/Ke6w8053Al pic.twitter.com/vhn2lzlziy
— FOX 4 NEWS (@FOX4) September 15, 2014

Edit: Different angle. Looks like one of those trench digging machines.

A Guy Who Isn't White Watching White Guys Fight. Funny.

From Redditt:

“This is on the parade grounds at LSU at a tailgate before the ULM game this weekend. The parade grounds are the spot where all the fraternities set up their tailgates and it appears one house’s pledges (the kids dressed nicely) had a problem with someone.

"I don’t know how drunk or naive the guy in purple was to think he could pick a fight with one pledge in front of all his brothers and not expect it to turn out that way…This looks to be facing toward memorial tower so my guess would be Pi Kapp, Pike, or Phi Psi maybe?”

Repost Of A Weird Topic

I thought about this when the play clock went down to 0:00 in the Florida/Kentucky game ion overtime but the refs didn't blow the whistle.

This is a repost of an old post (which is now screwed up by formatting): 

I think about this every time during March Madness, but I've never posted it because it qualifies as Crazy Talk. Several years ago, someone with a big brain figured out that when the scoreboard clock rolled down from "0:01" to "0.00" there was actually still a second left on the clock. So they added tenths of seconds to the game clock. 

So instead of seeing the old countdown in seconds of

00:02 
00:01 
00:00 <----horn nbsp="" sounds="" span="">

We now see this: 

00:02.0 
00:01.9 
00:01.8 
00:01.7 
00:01.6 
00:01.5 
00:01.4 
00:01.3 
00:01.2 
00:01.1 
00:01.0 
00:00.9 <-- and="" assumed="" four="" game="" is="" nbsp="" over="" see="" span="" the="" this="" to="" used="" was="" we="" where="" zeros="">
00:00.8 
00:00.7 
00:00.6 
00:00.5 
00:00.4 
00:00.3 
00:00.2 
00:00.1 
00:00.0 <---horn nbsp="" now="" sounds="" span="">

But here's my crazy issue: Once the tenth of a second goes to 0, isn't there a hundredth of a second that needs to be counted off as well? If we added another digit to the clock, and continued the countdown from the last example, we'd see this: 

00.00.10 
00:00.09 <---where horn="" nbsp="" now="" sounds="" span="" the="">
00:00.08 
00:00.07 
00:00.06 
00:00.05 
00:00.04 
00:00.03 
00:00.02 
00:00.01 
00:00.00 

But here's where I really lose my mind. Can't we continue to add a digit every time our clock goes down to all zeros? For example, once the clock reaches 00:00.00, can't we now divide the last unit of time into thousands of a second starting with 00:00.009. And once we get down to 00:00.000 can't we start all over again with 00:00.0009? Does that make sense? It seems like that last second, if we continue to divide it up by adding an extra digit, would never end. My brain tells me that once a second passes a second passes, but it seems like we could always divide the last portion of it up just a little bit more. And, I'll admit, this is my nuttiest post ever. 

Edit: And this post is about time and the concept of slicing up time. Not about whether anything can possible be done on a basketball court within a fraction of a second. Edit: 

Thanks for (some of) the helpful comments. This really is akin to Zeno's Paradoxes -- something, I'll admit, I had never heard of.  The best example is this: If a runner is 10 yards ahead of you but you cut the distance between you and him in half every ten seconds, how can you ever catch him?

Index

• Noteworthy because of a rare picture of Masons. (Uh, Worshipful Master?)
• Cop took a vacation. Chaos ensues. 
• Did that kid get killed?

And in the same issue, Random Thought girls:

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• Had my oil changed and also washed and vacuumed the car this weekend. Something oddly satisfying about that. 
• I also was able to match the wall paint in the house and was able to do some touching up. Also oddly satisfying.
• I found this old five gallon bucket of wall paint in the garage, opened it, and it was liquidy. Yeah!!  So I then went high tech and bought a paint drill mixer and went to town on it.  I was doing great until I noticed that I had turned the bucket of paint into clay. Weirdest thing ever. (But I was smart enough to get a paint sample before I ruined it. I used that to purchase new paint later.) 
• Dallas County jurors awarded $73 million in a vaginal mesh lawsuit.  I went to law school with and was friends with the Plaintiff's attorney, Tim Goss. Haven't spoken to him in 25 years, but that's about as close to $73 million as I'll ever get. 
• I remember my neighbor friend being punished with a switch one time. I think it was only two minor whacks and probably more for the dramatic visual of the dad telling the kid he was about to get it and then reaching up in a tree. 
• Sports: (1) ESPN has recently unveiled a betting information page on its website. Then during the Baylor game on Friday, the announcers were constantly referring to the line and the over/under. That's a pretty shocking change. (2) His stats aren't bad, by Tyrone Swoopes is not the answer at QB for UT. He can't throw down the field. And isn't this shocking: While as a senior at 2A Whitewright, his team only won one game. How does that guy at a 2A school not win five on his own? (3) As a Baylor fan, I'm beginning to fear TCU and West Virginia. (4) That Icky Shuffle commercial is funny. (4) The Tennessee Titans are awful. (5) Love this hug by a huge Vanderbilt lineman of a tiny UMass kicker after he misses a critical field goal. (6) I used  to laugh about Mark Cuban's comment that the NFL would collapse under its own weight within 10 years. He might be right. What a horrible week for a horrible tax-exempt non-profit corporation.  (7) I love RG3, but he's not worth anything if he can't stay healthy. But would Jerry sign him as a free agent after next season? I could see it. (8) Five of the top ten teams in the AP Poll are from the SEC West. (8) DeMarco Murray has 285 yards through the first two games -- something that Tony Dorsett and Emmitt Smith never accomplished. (9) Couple making out at LSU game tumble over. 
• "Iran won't cooperate with U.S. to combat ISIS in Iraq, country's supreme leader Ayatollah Khamenei said on Twitter." I'm insane now. 
• In 2013, 460 motorcycle drivers were killed in the state and another 35 passengers died, according to department statistics. Those numbers were up from 446 drivers and 24 passengers in 2012. Fort Worth has seen 14 deaths so far this year. There were 11 last years. Story.
• Being a political nerd, I watched a little bit of Hillary and Bill's trip to the Harkin Steak Fry in Iowa yesterday on CSPAN. It's part of their "Campaign Trail 2016" series where the station just puts a camera at a campaign event with no commercials and no commentary.  When the Clintons arrived they immediately walked over to a cooker and picked up some meat for the cameras which went crazy. They did that for two minutes, smiling, and then walked elsewhere. 
• I love brussel sprouts in melted fake butter. Oddly, I bought some fresh ones from Whole Foods the other day and was stunned to find I liked the frozen grocery store kind better.

Above The Fold

Vikings' Star Adrian Peterson Indicted For Negligent Injury To A Child

Vikings player Adrian Peterson indicted on negligent injury of a child charges http://t.co/6l2xvzTOUo pic.twitter.com/VvdBydm6aV
— 105.3 The FAN (@1053thefan) September 12, 2014

Allegedly he used a "switch" (so very Old School).  Things that are a problem: It's on the arm. The kid was four. There may be other injuries than just on the leg.

Here's the critical law: Force against a child is justified "when and to the degree the [parent] reasonably believes the force is necessary to discipline the child or to safeguard or promote his welfare."   And, despite that language in the Penal Code, it's not whether Peterson reasonably believed the force was necessary, it's whether a "reasonable person" would believe it to be necessary.

Regardless of whether this is a crime, I'm not sure why CPS and/or the DA's office simply couldn't have told him: "Listen, you can't do this. Take a parenting class at our choosing, successfully complete it, and we'll drop this whole thing. Nope. In this day in time you get an indictment. The Montgomery County DA is known for being an Attention Ho.

Huge Caveat: If there are a ton of injuries that make us all cringe, I retract the above paragraph

Edit: It's interesting that the first grand jury refused to indict him, so the DA just took the evidence to the next grand jury. Amazingly, in Texas, that is the way it works. If a grand jury tells a DA to take a flying leap on a particular case, the DA just waits for the next one. And if needed, the next one and the next one.

Baylor vs. Buffalo Taking You Into The Weekend

VS. 

Oh, No! The Official Liberally Lean Baseball Player Has Been Suspended

BREAKING: Orioles 1B Chris Davis has been suspended 25 games after testing positive for amphetamines. pic.twitter.com/m7F2s6eRO7
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) September 12, 2014

Our buddy, Chris responds:

So the guy has ADD and just tried to take a little something to focus -- probably because he likes reading stuff like the Wall Street Journal or War and Peace.  Or maybe he was studying for a test.

I Love Rick Perry Photo Ops

Rick Perry and Yao Ming. Internet rejoices. pic.twitter.com/ody5tmzt5C
— Aman Batheja (@amanbatheja) September 12, 2014

Missed This Yesterday

Dallas cops would shoot you for less than that.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• Maybe the NFL is a mafia. If you have any interest in the Roger Goodall story, you have to see what happened yesterday when ESPN brought in Former NFL executive Bill Polian to discuss the matter. He roasts the NFL, but the segment gets cut short due to technical problems. They bring him back twenty minutes later and he does a complete 180 and becomes an NFL lap dog (as if he had received a call for Tony Soprano.) It was amazing. 
• Baltimore fans showing up in Ray Rice jerseys last night.
• I drove past that one car wreck on 287 yesterday where the guy went some 500 feet off the roadway. Even crazier, he went up a hill which had to be at least 50' high. 
• On UNT's first six drives last night they went three and out each time and had a three total yards. (Makes you understand why June Jones quit SMU after UNT crushed them.) 
• Denton 21 year old arrested for PI: Mischievous. Denton 20 year old gets arrested for PI: Remorseful. Edit: link should be fixed. 
• The goofballs on WBAP this morning were talking about a three year old story about 9/11: That Lt. Heather “Lucky” Penney was up in the air in an F-16 with orders to ram United flight 93 because no available planes were equipped with weapons. I find that story dubious in all sorts of ways. (Hal Jay was stunned she was so attractive.) 
• "Yankees designated hitter Chase Headley took a fastball to the chin" last night. 
• I've got 12 Years A Slave on the DVR but it's just kind of hard to hit "play". 
• Early yesterday at Hale and College I saw a car and a trooper pull up to the intersection at the same time. The car made a right turn and then the trooper gunned it and hit his red/blue lights and went after him like he was Pablo Escobar. Didn't signal? Went past the designated stop line? Expired registration? Mass murder? Sheesh.
• "The United States spent about $25 billion to train and equip Iraq’s security forces and provide installations for these forces from the start of the war until September 2012." And, of course, those forces are now worthless. We are so dumb. But there are a bunch of American contractors who were in charge of "training" and "equipping" who are laughing all the way to the bank. 
• The Blade Runner was found guilty of "Culpable Murder" this morning which apparently in South Africa means a negligent or reckless killing. That's just a weird name for a crime which we would label Manslaughter or Criminally Negligent Homicide. A person can be "culpable" if he intentionally or knowingly kills someone as well. I'm nitpicking. Then again, they allow judges and not juries to determine a murder case.