Uh, Oh. Mrs. Jones Is Not Going To Be Pleased.

Link. 

Edit: Deadspin has the story behind the photos. We got some full fledged CRAZY going on. And it ain't Jones. 

Jet Ski Accident In Front Of A "Hey, Now"

There's something not quite right about this. I'm not calling it fake, but my skepticism guard is on red alert.

Kate Upton Just Killing It With A Smile

Just Saving A Gal From A Potential Dog Attack

A lot of courage. A lot of dogs with ADHD.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• The Pulp Fiction "pig talk" speech has been going through my head a lot lately. And the Family Pig now makes huge holes in the flower bed in order to make it a pig bed.
• I always try to live with low expectations. Thank goodness.
• I got in a silly Twitter fight on Friday night. A DPS lawyer mentioned it to me yesterday at a hearing yesterday since apparently she watched it go down. I had to use the phrase, "I'm very embarrased." But apparently she was highly entertained. 
• James Brady died yesterday. About a year after his death he was shot, when I was still young but old enough to know better, I told an insensitive joke to my brother about him. I don't think I'll ever forget the disgust in my brother's face. I don't think I've ever told an insensitive joke since. [Ok, ok. I screwed that up originally.]
• Someone made a great point yesterday in the comments about whether the restaurant "Pole Position" (formally Ricky Bobby's) would be sued by the 1980s video game manufacturer. I actually thought the same thing during my jog yesterday. (Note: I mentioned the name change yesterday and today there's a story about it in the Star-Telegram.)
• We actually had two motorcycle deaths over the weekend. 
• The "immigration crisis" has run it's course. It's time for a new crisis.
• I listen to stuff while I jog that makes me happy. I'll be smiling so broadly that people smile back when I meet them because they know exactly that what is going into my ears must be really funny. Or they think I'm crazy.
• I could listen to Jerry Jones talk all day long. It is so insane. 
• I was at a Subway restaurant yesterday and there was some salesman at a table talking to a young couple. She was pregnant and the guy was really putting the sales pitch on strong, but I couldn't hear what he was trying to sell them. I so wanted to just pull up a chair to see if they were about to get ripped off. 
• There seems to be a more than 50% chance that both Tony Romo and Tiger Woods are done.
• Deadspin.com went after over-rated columnist Peter King yesterday.  I think the BagofNothing guy is a big fan. I went on a rant about King last year.

And Another - Texas

It it takes Texas to rally 2014 in over the record breaking year of 2013, so be it.

Story.

Full Throttle Kid

Two moments: (1) "I didn't make this kid pass out", and (2) "I think the parents should do some reflecting on their parenting before they get mad at me."

I hate the kid. I love the kid.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• I was a little surprised that the doctor with Ebola would be transported back to the U.S. I was more surprised to see that he walked out of the back of an ambulance. 
• On a recent episode Real Sports, there was a suggestion that Qatar would handle the heat of the World Cup games by having drowns support a giant flying tarp to block the sun on various stadiums. I don't know if it is true, but that's a great idea. 
• Motorcycle death. (You know, there aren't as many reported as in the past years.)
• There aren't two-a-days any longer?
• The Ricky Bobby's restaurant in north Fort Worth which I successfully predicted would be sued because of copyright infringement has changed its name to Pole Position. 
• I found the greatest little piece of Paradise (not the town) by a creek not far from my house yesterday.
• Larry David's TV wife married Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.?
• I'm worried about the The Family Pig's weight and size. I'm not sure that's a pot bellied pig. 
• I had the best time on Saturday night cracking the door open and letting The Family Cat, Family Dog and Family Pig come and go as they please while I laid on the trampoline and looked at the stars. 
• I took the Jung Typology Test over weekend. I'm not sure I understood the results, but the questions were fascinating. 
• Israel continues its random bombings and killing children. If your surrounded by people who "want to kill you", I'm not sure that the way to win friends and influence people. 
• I switched to a metal blade for my weedeater a couple of years ago. It may say a lot about me, but that may be the best decision I've made over the last two years. 
• Honestly, I don't even know who basketball player Paul George is but his leg break over the weekend is the talk of sports. I didn't watch it. I never will.(I still haven't seen Joe Theismann's injury.)
• Happy Birthday to Barack Hussein Obama II.
• I reached out to an old friend over the weekend. Probably freaked him out. 
• ESPNU has been running the "greatest" college football games of last year. Man, I knew about Aggie/Duke and Auburn/Georgia but had never seen them. Great stuff, indeed.

Random Dog

Do you want to see a dog that looks like Harrison Ford? Of course you do, it's the internet. pic.twitter.com/dB4XpRRRuR
— Helly (@IAmHellsBells) August 1, 2014

Above The Fold

Who Is Willing To Be #1?

Thank you for your courage, sir.

Funny

If local news stations ever realize they would please the audience by just saying, "What the heck is going on?" and laughing at moments like this, it will be a better day.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• "WEATHERFORD — A paroled paralegal . . . is accused of embezzling more than $48,000 from a Weatherford attorney."
• When a story about immigration came on the news last night, the Sixth Grader In The House asked, "Why don't they want them here?"  I've never been prouder. "Out of the mouth of babes" indeed.  
• The House of Representatives voted to sue the President on Thursday but couldn't agree on an immigration bill on Thursday. What party controls the House?
• Then again, after all the hoopla over Dallas County housing immigrants because of this crisis, it was announced yesterday that the housing wasn't needed at all. Maybe there never was a crisis. 
• The Family Pig woke me up last night. We keep him in a crate downstairs at night but for the first time ever he went a little nuts with pig noises around 3:00 a.m.  I went downstairs and opened the crate, he went for water, rooted around for food, I fed him, and then he curled up in his Pig Bed. Maybe the pig was just hungry. Maybe he's just as greedy as a pig. 
• Tony Romo said he would never again be able to play "golf every day" even after he retires from the NFL because of his back. If you ever wanted a warning sign, there it is.
• George W. Bush is writing a book about his father.  Odds of the cover reading "By George W. Bush with [insert actual author]? 100%.
• I was roasted by my Baseball Nemesis for laughing at the Rangers opening day starting rotation. One of those starters was Joe Saunders who Texas ended up releasing. He was picked up by Kansas City who released him yesterday. Yep, released twice before August. 
• "Hours" before 9/11, Bill Clinton told a group he once had a chance to kill Osama Bin Laden but didn't do it because it would have required destroying a town and killing "300 innocent women and children." A decent society doesn't kill innocent people.* And he wasn't Nostradamus. (*I thought about inserting an Israel comment there.) 
• I had never heard of actress Aubrey Plaza before, but I saw her on with Jon Stewart yesterday. (Hitting Google right now. Oh. I've never seen a single episode of Parks and Recreation.) What a weird and fascinating girl. I think I love her. 
• A group from my favorite radio station went to see the Beach Boys last night in California. There has never been a bigger beating of a band than the Beach Boys. I always felt the group was doing a bad bit. Come to think about it, I saw them do a post Ranger game concert at the old Arlington Stadium in the 1980s. They had already become spare back then. 
• Aledo High School has won four football state championships in the last five years and yesterday their football coach announced he will quit the position to become athletic director. Something seems weird about that occurring just days before this season begins. Then again, he's 54, and probably beaten down by parents. 
• From the D Magazine blog: “'How the Commemorative Air Force Landed at Dallas Executive Airport,' a story written by Brendan McNally and printed on page 22 of the August issue under the headline 'Up in the Air,' has been taken down from our website due to numerous factual errors." Wow. I don't care about the subject matter, but the journalistic aspect is fascinating. Somebody might get fired.  More.
• Baylor football opens up at #10 in the Coaches Poll, but I don't even want to mention it because it is technically now the Amway Coaches Poll. 
• Upon reflection, my criminal law professor at Baylor Law School had no idea what he was doing. Upon further reflection, I knew it at the time. The school had a bad habit of keeping senile old men on the faculty back then. 
• Thank goodness I kept this quote from Abraham Lincoln posted on my mirror: "Get the books, and read and study them till, you understand them in their principal features; and that is the main thing. It is of no consequence to be in a large town while you are reading . . . . The books, and your capacity for understanding them, are just the same in all places."
• Of course, I was worried about that "your capacity" part. 
• I wasn't making fun of Ted Cruz yesterday (post below), I just thought the editing was a funny bit (or a "drop" as they call in the industry.) Some of you guys are incredibly uptight. 
• I've said it before: Ann Coulter looks like she is on meth. 
• This probably only interests me, but there are ads on the radio sponsored by Breitling Energy which are nothing more than crazy mini right wing commentaries that are simply head spinning. One I heard yesterday told us -- no, scolded us -- to not object to fracking unless you are willing to not drive a car, fuel your home, or take a plane ride. "You can't have it both ways," it said. The company is headed by some guy named Chris Faulkner (who actually does the voice work for the commercials). I was going to cut and past his slim credentials from the company's web page, but it has an amazing no-right-click/highlight protection. And nice glamour shot there, hoss. I'm stunned he doesn't have his chin resting on his fist like Uncle Rico. 

Texas DPS Academy

DPS has a new recruit academy going on right now and the agency has been posting some pics. I've heard it's a beating, and I guess I understand that, but check out that top pic. Is that before a meal? Do they have to stand at attention before being told to "EAT!"?

I've Found Perhaps The Smartest Man Alive

I Don't Know The Context . . .

. . . but if Ted Cruz would put this on a thirty second loop, it would be the greatest/funniest/most unforgettable presidential ad ever.

I'll never get this out of my head.

Cowboys' Coach Throws Ice Water On Tight Ends During Drill

Skip to 1:15.

I'm torn between making a Sandusky joke or a Peter Graves Airplane joke.

Nothing Like Having Electrical Lines Draped Across Your Car

Poles and power lines down on Custer Road near Wilson Middle in Plano... no injuries pic.twitter.com/T1DzQ6dNOO
— FOX 4 NEWS (@FOX4) July 31, 2014