AT&T's 1993 "You Will" Ads

They were pretty much dead on.

Pit Crew Member Chases Tires -- Delays NASCAR

I post this simply because I wanted to steal someone else's line about it: "He must have thought it was a possum."

Hello, New Mrs. Green

PORTSMOUTH — When Britta Osberg’s ex-boyfriend asked her to return a ring, she punched him in the face twice, leaving the ring’s imprint on his cheek, police allege, reports the Portsmouth Herald. Based on those allegations, Osberg, 19, of 110 Perkins Road, Rye, is scheduled to be arraigned in Portsmouth District Court Monday on two class A misdemeanor counts of simple assault.

She would be perfect for me. For years I've been posting pics of scantily clad women and not showing the females of Wise County the respect they deserve (or so I'm told). This girl would not put up with that and, she'd have me on the straight and narrow so fast my head would spin. I mean, if I posted a Tuesday After Noon Pick Me Up, I know I had have the business end of a frying pan waiting on me when I walked through the door that night. That's love. Baby, I've waited a long time for you. And you've got to like any chick babe lady* who will post her own mugshot on her Myspace page. She's got spunk. My pastor is gonna love her. (All of her Myspace pictures and, man, there are a ton of them, can be found here.) But her myspace home page is here. And, if I may, please let me go on a rant even though I'm all a flutter having found the true love of my life who, as a bonus, is less than half my age. How in the world did Myspace ever become a hit? I mean, look at her page. It's a mess. You can't read crap. You can't see crap. And her's is better than most because I don't have some gawd awful song blaring out of my speakers. I hate MySpace. I hope that's not a deal killer with her. _________- *New respectful terminology.

Random Confusing Picture

• Basset hound cap
• "Got basset hound?" t-shirt
• Big old belly
• Is that Dorothy's face on the couch cushion?
• Creepy guy smile
• Creepy guy short sleeve shirt with t-shirt underneath
• Creepy guy with short sleeve shirt with crazy slick red tie
• Creepy guy holding DVD of "Lolita"
• Two guys perfectly positioned under "101 Dalmatians" wall art.

Edit: Ok, Ok, you can stop with the acronym definition.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• Old clips of Janis Joplin singing = Power Down.
• I once slept walked out of a hotel in San Francisco while on vacation as a boy with my family. When I made it back to the hotel room in the middle of the night (I was gone for probably 10 minutes), they were scared to open the door because I was banging on it so hard and they had no idea what was going on.
• I remember realizing where I was when I tried to open a newspaper rack in the hotel parking lot.
• Greatest. Photoshop. Ever. (Thanks, Keith.) And everyone tells me that's the worst picture of me they've ever seen.
• Vacation thought: I might drive across the South by myself. Stopping often to see stuff that guide books tell me I should see. Hole in the wall restaurants. Small towns. Louisiana. Alabama. Mississippi. And then into Florida down to the Keys (which would probably turn a pleasant trip into a long one).
• But with my luck I'd probably end up tied to a tree ala Deliverance.
• The stem cell debate broke out yesterday which caused the abortion debate to break out which, in turn, caused the "every life is precious" comments to flow. Except those uttering "every life is precious" will later say that a life, who can't find work and seeks government assistance, is a leach on society.
• Shannon Tweed is 52 today.
• Two things that would be horrible to experience: The church shooting and the child being run over in a driveway. And both have made the news in the last couple of days.
• Brit Brit in a bikini. (And, yes, I saw the concert video that was all over the Internets yesterday.)
• Channel 8 now runs a brief spot during its newscasts which simply says, "It's 10:00 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?" That was a mainstay of the channel back when I was growing up. It's amazing how it still applies all these years later.
• Criminal charges against teenagers in Plano who faked the kidnapping in a parking lot? Not a chance. There is no applicable law. But I'm sure the Texas Legislature will immediately spring into action to remedy this problem that we've never heard of before this weekend.
• Description of new Dallas Cowboys luxury suite: "The suite was filled with Brazilian granite, Canadian marble, leather-clad walls and walnut trim. The front of the bar was wrapped in crocodile leather and stocked with Woodford Reserve bourbon, Patrón Silver tequila and other premium liquor" Recession?
• The use of ankle monitors on truant students by a local JP has made the Messenger and today the Star Telegram. But I noticed this sentence: "No students have been sanctioned with the monitor yet . . . ." Edit: Good grief. I just hear about this on WBAP.
• In other news, local officials are considering freezing the bodies of probation violators. No probationers have been sanctioned with the freezing device yet.
• And another (hot kindergarten teacher.)

And Another

Link

Jessica Biel On SNL As Jessica Rabbit

That is everything I know.

Slow News Day

So I'll reach and post a picture of Pedro Martinez and a girl on a boat. I've heard baseball season is around the corner. Ergo, the relevance.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• With a public that make Mall Cop the #1 movie in America, how does 60 Minutes consistently rank in the top ten?
• I'd like to be a criminal law professor. And I think I'd be great at it. (Most cocky statement ever?)
• Trial judges who are simply following orders from above to release a prisoner based on DNA results do a lot of showboating for the cameras.
• I went back to short hair this weekend.
• I watched The Great Gatsby this weekend after having read the book last year. The movie didn't have a lot to offer.
• I can't tell you how much "the blues" played on the guitar beats me down.
• A high of 45 degrees on Thursday?
• Jackie Murphree's proposed stem cell treatment is fascinating.
• I actually saw Aaron Tippin on TV yesterday. I'm pretty sure I would have never thought of him ever again.
• The Today Show on Sunday dedicated a segment to a new fiction book. Is there any chance the publisher pays NBC for that?
• If I take a nap, I feel drunk for the first hour after I wake up.
• I watched Alexandra Pelosi's documentary, "Right America: Feeling Wronged" on HBO over the weekend. It was great. And scary.
• We can't agree on anything, but we all abide by Daylight Saving Time.
• The Wise County Messenger's Update has turned into a community announcement sheet.

And Another (The Other Kind)

What? Two teachers? Two separate "victims"? Uh, no = Oh, my. (Thanks to Michael and Kevin who for some crazy reason thought I'd be interested in this.)

The Britney Spears Watch Is Back

She's started a concert tour which makes me very happy. Me loves me some Britney. Wait..........What?

And Another

But this time it does sound like he was acting like an idiot. Edit: Wow, another one in Dallas.

I Keep Raving . . .

. . . about NPR's This American Life and its programs on the financial crisis. Lifehacker.com, one of the greatest sites on the Internets, plugs the program today as well. It's a long weekend, give it a shot.

One Of The Many Single Women Who Want To Marry Me . .

. . . just uploaded this pic of her modeling 5 carat, $178,000 Diamond which will be auctioned by the U.S. Marshal's office in Arlington. (Another case of the government seizing property.)

Remember kids . . .

. . . you can gamble all your money in that 401K or mutual fund, but don't you dare try to fun with it. Story (which also notes that your government seized $24,000 that didn't otherwise belong to it.)

Delayed and Tired Thoughts

• I'm driving down 287 this morning and I see something on the shoulder in front of me. It's moving and getting close, and I finally make out that it's a tire (rim included) that is moving incredibly fast in my direction. As it moves from the shoulder into the right lane, the same lane that I'm in, I wisely decide to move to my left. I avoid it, look in my rearview mirror, and notice that it is crossing the median and heading across the opposite lane causing traffic to come to a stop. I glance to my left and see an SUV in the opposite lane at a complete standstill and missing a tire.
• And I was half asleep.
• Rare opinion issued today from the Fort Worth Court of Appeal upholding our own Judge Cude's ruling that a local trooper did not have a a basis to arrest a person for DWI.
• I'm not particularly pleased with the pic above, either.
• Watched a little of Lost last night. Quantum physics would be easier to understand.
• My wheels are off today.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• I never oversleep
• Except for today
• I'm late to be in Jacksboro
• I promise I'll update this around noon
• The Wise County Singles Club will meet at the vacant K-Bob's at 2:00 a.m. on Saturday.

Cancel Those Vacation Plans

Look like we had a small fire at the Eighter From Decatur Apartment Complex.