This, from The Onion (a parody site), made me laugh.
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2.07.2009
As The "Stimulus" Package Sales Sails Through Congress
Trey Garrison examines "the U.S. Conference of Mayors wish list of all the things mayors across the country want the federal government to fund in the name of 'stimulus'” and informs us about:
some of the dodgier requests from North Texas cities. It starts on page 293, and my short list here is just a taste of the absurdity.(Stolen from and Credit Given to: Grits For Breakfast)
- Frisco wants $125,000 for an armored vehicle and $200,000 for a mobile command vehicle. You know, for all that gang tank warfare going on up in Frisco.
- McKinney wants $5 million for SWAT toys and stuff.
- North Richland Hills wants $51,000 for volunteer patrol volunteers. Let’s throw in $10 for a dictionary so they can look up the word “volunteer.”
- Irving wants $5 million for biometric scanners, digital cameras, RFID scanners — nothing Big Brother there.
- Grand Prairie wants $1.25 million for nicer landscaping around the public safety building.
- And finally, Arlington is really gearing up for urban warfare. Arlington wants $1.6 million for SWAT toys including more equipment for those deadly but camera-friendly no-knock raids, $56,000 for military grade carbines, $625,000 for unmanned aerial surveillance drones, and $130,000 for “covert ops.”
The Cleansing: Day 5
- Another good day.
- There's a slight euphoria that has set in, coupled with a slight nagging hunger pain.
- But Day 5 is 75% easier than days 1 and 2.
- I really didn't feel fatigued until late afternoon.
- Despite the euphoria, I feel a tad bit more agressive in my daily routine.
- I've added the "special tea" in the morning followed by the salt water cleanse in the evening. Uh, that has made it imperative not to leave the house in the evening.
- OK, since I've not had any solid food in five days, you'd think I'd have nothing to cleanse out. Right? Wrong. Whatever is being flushed out of my body now has probably been in there for a while. I think that's the whole point of this program.
- I've been stopped by quite a few people that are fascinated by this program and want to try it.
- I'm at the halfway point. I think I'll make it --- especially if I can get through the weekend. Friday evening was an exciting time of watching three episodes of Season 2 of The Wire.
- And my Text Message Taunter from Dallas was silent last night.
2.06.2009
New Decatur Beggar Spotting
Today outside of the Walmart in Bowie.
(Thanks emailer.)
Past sighting here.
New Mother Of 8 Is Kinda Hot
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
Random Friday Morning Thoughts
- The Haslet robber from yesterday was a cross dresser? Take a look at him/her. You'd think the alarm would go off just by him/her entering the building.
- The legend of Scully grows. Did you hear the audio tape as he was about to land the plane in the Hudson? That man has nerves of steel (as do the air traffic controllers.)
- There was truly no real news yesterday.
- Daily WBAP Hal Jay cluelessness: He indicated this morning that he wanted to see wanted to see one of the Oscar nominated films this weekend. Then, in complete seriousness, he asked sports guy Steve Lamb, "Which one is the funniest?"
- Holy cow: The lady that recently gave birth to eight babies (she's a single mom who already had six kids) has received $165,000 in disability payments from the government in the past years.
- Some commenter complained about Fox News not being linked on the home page of WiseCounty.com. Sheesh. It's been there for years. I wonder if, as a Fox News fan, he only sees what he wants to see.
- Unemployment news this morning: It's risen to 7.6% and it's only going to get worse.
- The far right is now claiming that Obama is trying to govern by the "politics of fear." Pot, meet kettle.
- I've been to political lately. I blame the Master Cleanse.
- I stare at myself in the mirror sometimes and think about my life. (I originally wrote "and have a moment of reflection" but that would be a pun.)
- The Texas Bar Journal always has a "short story" contest every summer. I'm thinking about sending in an entry. I'd make it a little dark.
- Facebook has a crazy phenomenon going around which requires each person to share "25 Random Things About Themselves." I'd be scared to do that if I were honest. But I guess most people feel that way.
- This is the time of year where I delve back into audiobooks. Sports talk radio is a little boring with nothing going on other than the NBA/NHL.
The Cleansing: Day 4
- This experiment has taken an interesting twist: I felt fine yesterday for the first time since I began this silly program. There were very few hunger pains despite not having a bite of solid food in four days.
- The first two days, upon reflection, were very hard. Almost like the initial feelings of weakness when the flu is coming on.
- But I felt good enough yesterday, and had enough energy, to jog.
- I bought some of that "special tea" to help the cleaning process. (I finally had to break down and ask the clerk where it could be located. Ugh.)
- While waiting to check out with the tea, I saw the "The Master Cleanser" book. Unfortunetaly, right beside it was the book by known scam artist Kevin Trudeau. (Pic above.)
- And I continued to drink the salt water at night which gave rise to this realization: The tea serves to aid the cleansing process by, uh, loosening things up.
- And, although I'll keep most of this to myself, the cleansing process (which is supposed to remove gunk that has built up in your system for years) has become fascinating.
- This is not supposed to be about weight loss, but I'm very surprised about how little weight I've lost. But I've always been that way. Diet for three weeks and see little result only to have the weight come off the following week.
- And my Dallas nemesis sent yet another text last night: ""Grilled flank steak with cheese filled bacon wrapped in jalapenos." (These are coming from girl who is skinny as a rail, by the way.)
2.05.2009
A Little Disturbing
These are some of the scam ads that show up on the sidebar of Facebook. The use of Obama's name and likeness as well as trying to capitalize on the words "stimulus"/"bailout" is flat wrong.
Programming Note
Speaking of the Star-Telegram, I just saw:
This should be interesting: Whoopi Goldberg will appear tonight on Fox News Channel's Hannity, featuring Sean Hannity[*]. Let's just say that the two tend to have divergent opinions. According to a Fox publicist, topics will include her defense of Michael Phelps and that now infamous photo of him smoking pot . . . .Good times. ____________ * Editor's note: Sean Hannity is a conservative radio talk show host and television personality. He is also a tool.
I'm Worried About Newspapers
Today:
"Here at the Star-Telegram we have seen an unprecedented loss in advertising revenue with many of our best customers either going out of business or closing locations, and employment advertising dropping to all time lows. In response to these losses we are developing plans to reduce expenses. Unfortunately, these cuts will include position eliminations."
Random Thursday Morning Thoughts
- I noticed that St Thomas Aquinas in East Dallas shut down for few days because of the flu. I remember that happened at Bridgeport Junior High when I was in sixth grade.
- I never get a flu shot.
- Fox 4's Lari Barager's hair looks fuller.
- Speaking of, I need to cut my hair. (Remember, it was July when I last had it cut.)
- Victim Impact Statements, that can only be delivered in court after the trial is over, seem more for show than for "impact".
- Hypothetically, you know a relationship is over when your significant other changes her "relationship status" on Facebook.
- I watched a little of Jamie Foxx in Booty Call last night Kinda funny.
- For the first time ever, I've heard of the college football term "gray shirt". It's when a high school recruit doesn't enroll in college in the fall and instead waits for the spring semester. That gives him an extra year to, uh, grow, and keep four year's of eligibility.
- National Signing Day is a little silly. Every coach does indeed say he has a "great class" or even "his best class ever."
- I hate Jimmy Buffett.
- Baseball man Manny Ramirez was offered a one year, $25 million dollar. He turned it down. I remember that happening in the Great Depression as well.
- Had a new client come in who was charged with an adult criminal offense. I looked at his info sheet and saw that he was born in the 1990s. Ugh.
- I guess it's a big deal when someone gets a golf scholarship to Southeast West Texas A&M Technical University.
- I've always been against the financial bailout, but how has this country come so far that we find it acceptable for the government to impose a salary cap on a private sector employee? Think about that.
- I used to play in the woods behind my house. I mean real woods: Acres and acres of trees. And I knew every square inch of it.
- The Tarrant County Sheriff's Office lets the media interview a murder suspect and his attorney says, " "I thought that in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, they would have learned after the Lee Harvey Oswald/Jack Ruby incident that that was unwise.” Huh? Come again?
- Weird: The wives of our new District Attorney and new County Attorney have both given birth since the first of the year.
The Cleanse: Day 3
- It's odd. The hunger pains (pangs?) were significantly less than days one and two.
- That doesn't mean I'm not dying to eat something.
- The Sonic "double melt sandwich" (or whatever it is) on TV is haunting me. Which is silly because I'd never eat one of those even if I wasn't on this program.
- I traveled a few miles to buy "Grade B" maple syrup after I realized I had accidentally bought "Grade A" for my daily drink. (It looks thicker -- which is good.)
- Drinking the one liter of salt water for the nightly "cleanse" is horrific. I'm researching some other alternative.
- I've noticed some people are fascinated by this program and want to talk to me about it.
- I'm really dreading the weekend.
- I'm still have a bit of light headedness but it's combined with a little bit of motivation. (As I was walking out of work yesterday, I decided to watch one more DWI video.)
- I had been getting sleepy around 8:30. That stopped last night.
- And I got another taunting text message from Dallas: "Homemade mac and cheese with gruyere and pancetta."
- This program takes insane will power. I wouldn't ridicule anyone that couldn't do it.
2.04.2009
Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts
- I saw on the news Wells Fargo has canceled a junket at the Wynn in Las Vegas because they are recipient of some of the federal bailout money. I was more shocked to learn that stingy Wells Fargo needed the money in the first place (which turns out to be $25 billion.)
- If ten years ago you had learned your bank needed $25 billion to survive, there would be a panic. Now we just shrug our shoulders.
- An emailer tells me that the Bridgeport Sissies clinched the district championship last night by beating Wichita Falls Hirschi 52-45.
- Charlie Gibson asked Obama yesterday if he was embarrassed about the "I didn't pay my taxes" nominees that had to withdraw. His answer, "Yes." He also referred to it as a "self induced injury." At least he's taking blame.
- I've got to go to Jacksboro this morning.
- I'm over halfway through Jack London's "The Sea Wolf." Uh, kinda boring. And he's a pompous writer.
- I've been seeing new GM pickups that are a light cream color.
- I was right about people going crazy over the free Denny's breakfast. One person interviewed by Fox 4, who had been standing in line for over a half hour, said she had driven 30 miles to get there. Sheesh. Bud Kennedy wrote about it today.
- Why isn't more teaching done with the School House Rock concept? I can still recite the preamble to the Constitution due to that three minute show I saw as a kid. (Hey, I found it.)
- If I could play the bass, I'd sit around all day playing Nirvana's "Come As You Are."
- Google has announced a new gadget which gets us closer to everyone having a GPS tracking device.
- The Chico girls lost to Peaster 101-15?
The Cleansing: Day 2
- Was incredibly hungry all day long, but during the evening I finally started feeling normal.
- I still get sleepy much earlier than normal
- Felt a little light headed and tired during the day but, oddly, I was incredibly productive yesterday.
- Lunch without having lunch is a strange experience.
- I had to get encouragement from a friend --- kind of like an AA buddy.
- I'm stealing this line from Richie Whitt: You don't realize how much time we spend on thinking about food, preparing food, and eating food until you don't have to do it.
- Drinking that salt water mixture was, once again, brutal. Friends are suggesting I switch to "special tea."
- As far as the unmentionable side effects? Not too bad so far.
- A friend from Dallas sent me a text message last night that simply read: "Mmmm tacos al pastor con guajillo sauce :)"
- There's a package of Baked Doritos Nacho Chips on the top of office refrigerator that is mocking me. Hard.
- And, yes, I've not posted a multitude of comments. Once again, I proclaim that I don't do scatological humor.
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