I'm Off To A Jack County Criminal Docket

But at least that saved me from having to watch Big And Rich on The Today Show.

Do You Think His Life Has Gone Terribly Wrong

I was watching this story on Fox 4 News last night, and apparantly the undercover cops had struck a deal with this guy to sell the (fake) child for $2,000. He didn't have the money so they agreed to payments of $100. I'll swear I saw an investigator say, "It was a rent-to-own situation." I grab the TIVO remote control and hit replay on moments like that.

I'm Sure The Cabbage Patch Is In There Somewhere

This clip isn't that remarkable other than to analyze the myriad of dance steps that this white family throws down after a San Antonio Spurs win. I think I saw the "running man" as well as a square dance break out.

When Everyone Leaves Me, I'll No Longer Post This Chart

Pamela Anderson For No Reason . . . Other Than The Obvious One

Spell "KLEH'-vihs"

That smart kid from Colleyville couldn't. I couldn't fill out the application to get in the Spelling Bee without making a spelling error.

"Mine!"

If you have any passing interest in baseball, what happened yesterday was fascinating. Yankees/Blue Jays. Pop up to Blue Jays third baseman. A-Rod running from second to third. A-Rod yells "mine" as he goes behind the third baseman causing the third baseman to give up on the ball. Ball hits ground. Cheater?

The definitive shot is about halfway through this youtube.com clip.

Kelly Brook says

"If I'm ever in Bridgeport on Thursdays, I normally drop by the City Pool."

The Preceding . . .

. . . posts were very text heavy. I had forgotten my blogging roots. I apologize to all of those that know what is really important in this world.

Random Thoughts

- I paid over $50 for a tank of gas on Monday. The first time ever.
- I've never seen a case in the last 15 years where the allegation was "the defendant sold drugs to kids."
- Whenever the police seize some drugs, I'm always skeptical when I hear the "street value was over $[insert ridiculous amount]"
- Potential Republican candidate Fred Thompson is extremely overrated - but is probably the only one who understands politics in this new age.
- President Bush will go down as the worst president in our lifetime. Moderates and liberals see him as a simpleton. Hard line conservatives shake their heads on the issues of immigration and the expanding federal budget. That leaves very few people left that respect him.
- I think dining at a restaurant is the biggest waste of money on the planet.
- I had a credit card when I was 18 years old. My dad told me not to be stupid. Not once did I get in over my head as a kid.
- Standing in front of a jury is both exhausting, painful, and exhilarating.
- Spanish will be the dominate language in Texas fifty years from now.
- I really haven't been married seven times.
- For the life of me, I cannot understand anyone who eats a meal by themselves without having something to read.
- I don't know anyone who reads editorial columns in major daily newspapers.
- I'd rather be a writer in seclusion than a lawyer.
- I think a lot of people miss the old "Skattershooting."

If This Were April, I'd Post This

Lost's Evangeline Lilly.

Awkward Moment Today

At the end of jury selection today, a prospective juror raised her hand and said, "I've observed something going on this morning that I'd like to talk privately with the judge and the lawyers about it."

That, my friends, is a Stop Down Moment.

As the rest of all the potential jurors were excused, I spoke briefly with Assistant County Attorney Thomas Aaberg about what it could possibly be. "Other than your fly being open, I'm not sure," he said. That, of course, was a joke that was even funnier when I impulsively glanced down at my groin area. All was secure.

Once in front of the judge, the potential juror (who was as sweet and honest as the day is long - as well as a former out-of-county prosecution employee) said that she felt that I had mischaracterized the prosecution and put them at a disadvantage. What had I done? I had stressed that the prosecution was, in fact, "the government", and since so many people thought negatively of the government, the rest of the jury panel had probably made the prosecution's job more difficult.

That was a new one for me. I cannot thank her enough for being honest and expressing her opinion (By the way, I used one of my free three strikes to make sure she didn't end up on the jury - I was fairly sure she hated me.) But I think she had a hard time understanding that even though County Attorney Greg Lowery is a "good ol' Paradise boy", he is, in fact, The State Of Texas when he prosecutes someone for an alleged crime. Simply put, when he goes to work, he becomes "The Government."

Sidenote #1: Everyone at the courthouse jokes about how I drop the "n" when I pronounce "government".

Sidenote #2: The picture is from my jury selection Powerpoint presentation.

Brief Recap

Normally, the cases that are tried in Judge Melton Cude's County Court at Law are DWI. I've been involved in a bunch of them and, quite frankly, I think I could try one in my sleep. (With my nightly nightmares, it would be a nice change of pace.) But today we tried something a little bit different: An "Assault - Bodily Injury - Family Violence" case. That's code for "wife beating." As mentioned earlier, it ended up in a "not guilty" verdict - which I will always attribute to the facts instead of my trial skills. (I normally tell new clients in our initial meeting that "I'm not a magician. If the facts indicate you are obviously guilty, I can can't stop a guilty verdict from happening.") Family violence cases normally drive me insane. Everyone pictures some crazed man coming home from a construction job and then beating his wife for over-frying the chicken fried steak. That is rarely the case. Women (but not all women) manipulate the system in a frightening manner. Dallas Police Chief David Kunkle was on the new Gordon Keith show about three months ago. Gordon asked him what to do if someone were to find themselves in a false domestic violence allegation. Gordon joked, "Be the first one to dial 911?" The Chief candidly admitted that's true. I can't tell you how true that is.

Random Thought

Did he have a life jacket on? (Story.)

Slow Posting?

I'm in the middle of a misdemeanor assault jury trial. That explains the silence. I thought about posting a picture of Jessica Alba during cross examination, but that would be inappropriate. Back to court. Lunch break over. Edit: Success for the falsely accused. (That means, a "not guilty" verdict.) More later.

Sheesh. Is This Seattle?

A Tradition Like . . . Uh, Other Traditions

The Colonial golf tourney looked like it was a beating. Constant rain. No big names. Small crowds.

But one guy confirmed it was business as usual: "It's happy hour out here at Colonial, which means it's high time for me to sample the famed Colonial Margarita. At 7 bucks a pop, they're perty [sic] potent. And you can add a shot of tequila for $2. I passed on 'the floater,' but most people don't said the gals pulling the lever on the frozen concoctions. About 75 percent of Colonial customers Super Size their Margaritas . . . " (Source.)

Olivia Wilde Says . . .

. . . "Good Wednesday morning, Cottondale!"