This Will Almost Make You Think Bowling Is Cool

David And James

Channel 5's David Finfrock has been on the TV for about 15 minutes in connection with the tornado warning in Mansfield and South Arlington. The crazy part is that he keeps asking "James", who is off camera, for updates. Then James dominates the conversation as we get to see Finfrock standing in front of a radar and looking, presumably, at the mysterious (and still not visible) James. It's just very bizarre.

Barron

Those two or three of you that have a question mark form over your head when someone calls me " Barron" . . . well, it's a "call back" joke from here. Good times.

Welcome To Communist Russia

Lots of buzz today about a proposed bill in the Texas Legislature that would require a doctor performing an abortion to ask a series of questions to his patient [Edit: and to report the answers to the government] that includes (click to enlarge):
More small Republican government?

"You Guys Have No Idea What I'm Talking About When I'm Saying That"

Interview after Florida won the national championship last night. I suspect he might be talking about smoking a big ol' blunt, but that would be sheer speculation.

On my way . . .

. . to Fort Worth I saw that Rhome cam was set up under a bridge but outside the guardrail. I guess this is a way to bypass the red cones as mandated by TxDot.

Good Times

Saw this story this morning where Fort Worth district judge Elizabeth Berry sentenced some guy in a wheelchair to 15 years in prison. Sheesh.

Judge Berry and I became employees of the Tarrant County District Attorney's office almost 20 years ago. More specifically, we joined that office on the exact same day. I remember we, along with another new-prosecutor-to-be named Ann Box, were lined up in three metal chairs as a secretary curtly asked us questions so she could type up our official ID's. Questions of: Name, date of birth, height and weight.

Understand, the three of us had just met each other moments ago, but I had a feeling Elizabeth had a sense of humor. Anyway, as she was being asked the aforementioned questions for her ID, it came to the weight question. I can't remember now what she said, say "125", but as a joke, I leaned forward, looked at her with a cocked eyebrow, and in a sarcastic voice of mock disbelief said, "125?"

Elizabeth busted out laughing. Ann Box looked at me like I was the devil.

What A Screw Up

This morning at 7:00 a.m., The Today Show fired up while I was combing my golden locks in the bathroom. Mysteriously, I heard the audio go out only to be replaced by the National Weather Service warning and then quickly by the earsplitting Amber Alert sound. I walk out and looked at the TV only to catch the final seconds of a scrolling banner at the top that listed "Tarrant and Wise" Counties. Huh? A weather banner during an Amber Alert? Then, to confuse matters more, a pre-recorded voice came over the air to warn me of a child abduction in Italy. The voice even tells me the name (Jahmar Toliver) and date of birth of the abductor I should be looking out for.

Oops.

When the station broke for the local news at 7:25 a.m., anchor Deborah Ferguson had to tell me, "We need to let you know about a technical problem that happened at the top of the hour on NBC 5. An Amber Alert, canceled yesterday, aired on NBC 5 just after 7 this morning. This was a mistake. Maintenance crews are trying to fix the audio and video problems."Maintenance crews???? And no explanation of the scrolling weather bulletin that went along with it.

Anyway, Jahmar is probably face down on the concrete somewhere right now.

Sheesh, How Have We Survived Without It?

It's scary enough out there as a consumer of legal services. (Story.)

My Beaten Down Life

So I walk out of the grocery store a second ago only to find a Suburban parked to my left. The rear door of that big rig on my driver's side was open with The Mom of said Suburban sticking her head into it. I could hear her talking to what seemed to be a child as she blocked my path to my front door, so I walked around to my passenger side, dumped my bag full of frozen food into it, and then walked around the front of my car to my driver's side door.

A slight pain, but no biggee.

So I get in and notice that the lady is still back there. Although I probably could have carefully backed out, I didn't feel comfortable doing so. Just the thought of some child barrelling out of the Suburban into my path was enough for me to be patient. One minute passes as I look into my driver's side rear view mirror. Maybe two. Sheesh. Come on lady, get after it.

Then I finally see The Mom get through with whatever in the heck she was doing and back away - only to then see a little six year oldish girl pop out of the open rear door and run to the front passenger door. Unfortunately for me, that front door that the little girl was to enter was closed. The obvious was coming. Before I could utter to myself, "Oh noooooooooooo", I heard the "BAM" of her throwing open the door (with the strength of Xena the Warrior Princess, I might add) as it to came crashing against the side of my family wagon - the product of a failed marriage of long ago, but I digress.

As I sit there shaking my head, The Mom adds insult to injury by leaving her shopping cart against my front fender. Certainly she, who could have afforded to lose a few pounds, didn't need the exercise of taking the cart the thirty feet to its proper recepticle.

Cue the "Curb Your Enthusiasm" music.

Even I Pause Sometimes

All of these headlines were collected over this weekend from the Morning News and Star Telegram. All of the stories accompanying them alleged that they cause of the incident was an allegedly intoxicated driver. Well, except the top one that was silent about the subject - but since it occurred at 2:00 a.m., it's probably safe to bet in that direction.

The worst one was the guy driving the wrong way on Central Expressway in Dallas.

"Hi, there. I'm Chris Hansen"

Nothing like getting busted for an underage gay meeting while wearing a University of Michigan cap. Thank goodness he wasn't a Baylor fan.

Just Got This In My InBox Regarding Cowboy's First Preseason Game

An afternoon game in August in Texas Stadium? We'll be lucky if someone doesn't die.

Edit: Ok, I'm an idiot. That didn't say a 3:00 p.m. kickoff. The story says that it will be on a "Thursday night". Still gonna be hot, though, since the sun will still be up come kickoff time.

McDepression

Just noticed that the Decatur McDonald's is closed for remodeling.

National Championship Game Is Tonight

For some reason, I choose to root for Florida.

I Barely Remember "Andy Keaton" . . .

. . . from Family Ties, but he got his arse arrested over the weekend. TMZ story here. ("Bonsall, now 25, was arrested Wednesday after his girlfriend reportedly told police he poured an alcoholic drink on her face while she slept, put her in a choke hold and threw her onto a bed when she tried to leave." That's wrong?)

But I've got one question: Are those fangs?

I Had To Go To Work This Morning . . .

. . . so I missed Beyonce performing outside at The Today Show (screenshot, above, is what I missed - I'm not sure when the lipstick exploded.) And it was a double dose of entertainment because Ann Curry was filling in as co-host. She was firing of vintage amounts of Fake Enthusiasm, and I'd of loved to have stuck around to catch more of it. But I did catch a segment of Al Roker explaining the tsunami (13 dead) that occurred on the other side of the world last night. That's right, Al Freakin' Roker explaining the science behind a tsunami. Kill me.

Hey, Now

"The Bachelor" debuts tonight on ABC, and I noticed her on the contestant list. I'm going to ask my law partner if we need another partner. Like, right now.