Opening Day

The Rangers open their season this afternoon with a game against the Red Sox. The weather looks perfect. I wish I was there. I won't be.

Kids Rule The World

Interesting numbers at the movie box office this weekend. 1. Ice Age: The Meltdown ($70.5 million) 9. Basic Instict 2 ($3.2 million) And $3.2 million is an awful, awful opening weekend.

Funny Like in "Ha Ha"?

Google has got a lame April Fool's joke going on. Its home page introduces a Google Romance product which will hook people up like match.com or Yahoo Personals. When you try to upload a profile, you get this. Not particularly funny. (And I learned about from CNN Headline news - so don't even think about dogging me).

Fortune Cookie

I ate Chinese food last night and this is what I got in the fortune cookie: "Your lucky number for the week is two." That's it? That's my inspiration? That's my fortune? There is some guy whose job is to write fortune cookies and that's the best he's got? Heck, I'd take "your life is in grave danger" over a "lucky number".

My Time Waste

A movie is released last year starring Keanu Reeves, Benjamin Bratt, and Vince Vaughn. Sounds pretty big time, right? It also prominently featured Vincent D'Onofrio (most famous for playing Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket). The name of the movie was Thumbsucker. I just watched it. It grossed a paltry $1.3 million dollars at the box office. I now know why. Thumbs down.

My Definition of A Good Relationship

amy Originally uploaded by dockmaster.

VH1

You have to check out the "40 Greatest Pranks" on VH1. (Yep, I'm sitting here watching it on a Friday night. But I'm surprisingly entertained. Check that - I'm extremely entertained). And, ya know, that channel is pretty good. They bring us: - The Top 20 Countdown - The Best Week Ever - Surreal Life - Flavor of Love - Web Junk 2 Ok, I've disclosed my guilty TV pleasures in life. That's TV pleasures.

Funny Line

Basic Instinct 2 was released today to horrible reviews. Apparently the movie is bad despite the fact that Sharon Stone spends alot of time getting neekid - she seems to have had a lot of "work" done to that body. The line of the week comes from Kyle Smith of the New York Post who described the movie as "Botoxic". Rim shot, please.

I Hate This Weekend

Although I'm very curious how this could possibly be a book. (Although it might be fake.)

TV Trivia

This will appeal to only three people out there, but if you are a fan of Desperate Housewives and Six Feet Under here's some nifty trivia. On Housewives, the character of Gabrielle Solis' husband, Carlos, is played by Ricardo Chavira. It just dawned on me that he also played Rico Diaz's cousin on Six Feet Under. His role included an extended scene where he was to fix the fireplace of Rico's new house. Which he did right until he was caught doing an act similar to something you would see on Brokeback Mountain. Those three people are now saying "wow".

Your Life Has Taken A Horrible Wrong Turn Somewhere If . . .

"WAYNESVILLE, N.C. - At least six men came to western North Carolina, some from as far away as South America, to have their genitals mutilated in what police described Friday as a sadomasochistic 'dungeon.'" [If you have to read that paragraph again, feel free to]. "Three men have been charged with illegal castration in the case, Haywood County Sheriff Tom Alexander and District Attorney Michael Bonfoey said. The sheriff and prosecutor said the victims were willing participants in the procedures." "The men met through a Web site produced in North Carolina that published photographs of men engaging in sadomasochistic behavior at a house in Waynesville. Investigators found DVD recordings of the castrations during a search of the house Wednesday, authorities said. 'This right here beats everything I have ever seen,' Alexander said."

Cheesy Motivational Presentation Starring You

This is cheesy, but I can't stop watching it. The cool part is that you can change the presentation to insert any name you want. In the link below. just replace barry.green with any name you wish(be sure to put the period between the first and last name). http://barry.green.youaremighty.com/

Mr. Britney Spears . . .

. . . was on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning today. One word: Spaaaaaarrrrreeeeee. But as brain dead as he was, he was better than Kelly "I Whine All The Time" Rasberry who kept muttering "I just love Britney! I really do!". And I had to suffer through Big Al's constant, "Hey, Dawg, let me ask you . . . ." The Morning News reports that Federline will be at Club X tonight in Addison. What a coincidence! I was already going there with my posse. Word. Edit: He actually showed up with Britney in tow.

Random NFL Thought

Both bits below stolen from other Blogs: "Not sure how many people noticed this coming out of the recent NFL owners meetings in Orlando: the league will no longer allow local television stations to shoot footage from the sidelines during games. The league cited property rights and safety as an issue. I'm not sure if newspaper photographers will be banned as well." BUT "Every time I see some shot of a running back, already 65 yards from the camera, moving the other way, with 14 bodies obstructing your view of what's going on, I can't turn the TV off fast enough while I'm muttering, 'Why don't they just use the network feed?'" Amen, bruther.

Backroom Deal

I just heard on the radio that the lawyers for Dena Schlosser (the lady that cut off her baby's arms) have agreed to waive a jury for her second trial and allow the judge to decide whether she was insane. You may recall her first trial ended up in a hung jury with a 10-2 split. Those ten sided with the defense and believed she was insane. There is no way in the world her lawyers would waive a jury unless they were certain the judge would find their client insane. I mean, they just missed winning the case outright last time so why would they forego that chance and let the judge decide? Only if it was a sure thing.

Dog Licks Your Screen.

Here. (Give it a second to load).

Carmen Electra . . .

. . . lost her mind on the Jay Leno show. Me loves me some . . . well . . . maybe I don't.

For Some Reason, This Made Me Laugh

"LIBERTY, Mo. - A youth minister was charged with assault for allegedly knocking a 16-year-old boy down and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game."