If You Ever Want To Go Insane . . .

. . . just watch and listen to this.

I Don't Think She'll Win Mother Of The Year

Mindy McCready: Pregnancy Led to Suicide Attempt

Now One For You Gun Lovers

A human automatic weapon. (Video).

I'm Surprised He's Not Issuing A December Deep Freeze Warning Just In Case

Gov. Rick Perry has learned from his neighbors. Today he said: "My fellow Texans, the latest projections for Hurricane Rita indicate it is likely to intensify and may make landfall in Texas late this week.This morning I issued a disaster declaration for Texas and asked President Bush to approve that declaration and 100 percent reimbursement for Texas communities responding."

A Picture Speaks A . . .

College Football Nuggets

Both Oklahoma and Nebraska are not in this week's AP Poll. The last time that happened was November 3, 1969. SMU is so giddy over its win over TCU, that you can buy a DVD of it. (Or so the Morning News told me I could at www.mustanglockerroom.com. But then I looked at the site and found it to be the worst commercial site in the history of ever - and I can't even find the DVD).

What Does That Mean?

In all the talk about the Careflite proposal, this small "fact" causes me some confusion: "CareFlite, a non-profit corporation based in Grand Prairie". I suppose they pay big salaries to their execs, and I suppose they charge big fees for their service. How are they different than a regular corporation?

I'm Confused

Story #1: STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Swedish clothing chain Hennes & Mauritz said Tuesday it will drop a planned advertising campaign with model Kate Moss after she admitted to recently using cocaine. Story#2: DALLAS, Texas - Michael Irvin, who served a probation for cocaine possession while playing with the Dallas Cowboys, was inducted before a cheering crowd into the Cowboys Ring of Honor last night.

I Think I Heard This In The Walmart Gun Section This Morning

From JohnKerry.com: If the president won't stand up and provide Americans with answers, then we must be willing to stand up and propose our own solution . . . . It's time for a fundamental debate about the choices we are making as a nation . . . . Katrina is a symbol of all this administration does and doesn't do . . . . The bottom line is simple: The "we'll do whatever it takes" administration doesn't have what it takes to get the job done. This is the Katrina administration.

How Did That Happen?

Bill Parcells is 57-0 when entering the fourth quarter with at least a 10 point lead. Uh, make that 57-1.

Jimmy Johnson's Was Saved From His Biggest Mistake

Every Cowboy fan worships Jimmy Johnson and considers him a drafting genius. But people have forgotten how he ended up drafting Emmitt Smith by accident. Jimmy moved up in the draft's first round to get Baylor linebacker James Francis. Once Francis was taken, he had to "settle" for Smith. But it interesting to remember that 16 players were drafted above Emmitt Smith. Source: Over-rated-over-self-promoting-Gil Brandt (who was there).

I Am So Offended By This . .

. . . that I refuse to post a picture of Paula Abdul arriving for the Emmys. Wait? Abdul? Could she be a terrorist? I will not let her win!

Man Fuel

Funny commercial from Dominos: The pizza delivery girl tells the man she has arrived with his "Steak Fanatic Pizza," the declaration of which brings the man to exclaim, "Man fuel! Cool." Then, from behind him, his friends shout, "Hurry up! There's only 22 figurines left!" (the Home Shopping Channel is in the background). Our manly man turns and shouts to his friends, "They're statues!" and then to the girl, more calmly and in a defeated voice, "They're statues".

Random Thought

As I was looking through the Morning News, I noticed a story of artist Sharon BuMann who (and I am not making this up) is creating an 800 pound sculpture of Elvis Presley - made out of butter - which will be displayed at this year's State Fair of Texas. The display will also include a sculpture of a hound dog (also made out of butter). This made two questions pass through my odd brain: (1) What did the line "you ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine" mean in that Elvis song? and (2) how much longer will the public be interested in a "state fair"?

I'm Past Football Hero Worship

. . . but obviously Aikman, Irvin and Smith were great. But the intangible factor that made them relate to the fans is that they were drafted by the Cowboys and spent their careers with Dallas. That day in the NFL has come and gone. Today we have Bledsoe at quarterback (free agent from Buffalo by way of New England), Keyshawn Johnson at receiver (from Tampa Bay by way of the Jets), Terry Glenn at receiver (from Green Bay by way of New England). Last year it was retreads Testaverde at QB and Eddie George at RB. The way players move around today, in and out of different teams and uniforms, I always appreciate Jerry Seinfeld's line: "When you really thinking about it, we are cheering for laundry".

Quirky. Witty. Odd.

I think Arrested Development is the funniest show on the thing called a TV set.

Funniest Lines From Last Night's Emmys

"I'd like to dedicate this to Britney and our baby." - Brad Garrett of Everybody Loves Raymond "Next to the Oscars, the Golden Globes, the People's Choice and the Grammys, it's television's most important night." - Conan O'Brien

Little Known. Very Good.

Patricia Arquette won an emmy last night for her work on Medium (which I've never seen). But it took me a while to figure out she was "Alabama" in Quentin Tarantino's first script: a great flick called "True Romance" starring Christian Slater.