Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• The pastor of the Gateway megachurch in the metroplex underwent emergency surgery after having complications from routine hernia surgery. For some reason, his wife thought it would be a good idea to share a video of him being wheeled into surgery. (Never let a tragedy go to waste. Always be closing.)
• That TWU murder case where the guy dismembered and burned her body near Grapevine Lake might be fascinating. Heck, I don't know what happened, but if that guy doesn't testify, he'll be convicted of murder. 
  
• Where  did  this constantly advertising lawyer Ben Abbott come from? We all know that we just want to see ads from The Texas Hammer. At least he has good shtick. 
• We've got a huge tree in the front yard which is now dead. I have a feeling it won't be cheap to have it removed. What is a ballpark cost to have a massive tree removed along with its roots?
• Trump's  personal lawyer (once again, the dumbest lawyer in America for admitting paying Stormy Daniels $130,000 to not talk about Trump cheating on his third wife with a new baby) had his place raided by the FBI yesterday. Let's just say the sky is getting "stormy" for Trump. #RockMe

• 

  The "Grab Em By" Guy (left) and Stormy (right).
  Wife and Barron (not pictured.). 

• I'm going to remind you again: Trump's trusted lawyer went to the Cooley School of Law which is widely regarded as the worst law school in America. 
• And that high toned lawyer claims to have obtained the $130,000 by accessing his home equity line of credit. Trump's lawyer didn't have $130,000 available in cash? . 
• Don't forget this graphic from Fox News about Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Man, they loved him in the beginning:
  
• Last weekend Mrs. LL spotted a beautiful red cardinal and then handed me the binoculars she was using. I told her we were officially old since we were both excited "bird watchers."
• Every homeowner in Texas is giddy because of their home values going up. Then they see their escrow account notice about how much their payment is going up because of the increase in property taxes. 
• Mrs. LL, the Freshman in the House, and I had a big discussion about "advocacy." My position was that if you truly do not believe what you are saying to an audience then that audience will know you are a fraud within 30 seconds. 
• I walked right past this lady in my lobby yesterday and didn't realize it until 30 seconds later. (She wasn't there to see me.) 
  
• When I was DA, I had to testify in federal court as a records custodian in connection with an infamous case out of Wise County. The assistant U.S. attorney wanted to meet with me beforehand so I went to Fort Worth to do so. I'll never forget the last words out of his mouth as the meeting concluded: "You be careful up there." 
• Shout out to the one Dennis Prager fan out there. His book is now outside Amazon's Top 100 and is nowhere to be found. (His book, by the way, is his attempt to explain the Bible. Prager is Jewish.)
• That NASCAR crowd at the Texas Motor Speedway last weekend looked very small. I think that sport is in serious trouble. Remember the days when even the back grandstand was full?

Check Out Cosby's Face

A topless protester with "Women's Lives Matter" written on her body in ink charged in front of Bill #Cosby as he walked into the #MontcoPA courthouse this morning for the start of his sexual assault retrial: https://t.co/DA2tsxGOth pic.twitter.com/8oDfhv20Md

— NBC10 Philadelphia (@NBCPhiladelphia) April 9, 2018

Sean Hannity vs. Jimmy Kimmel: Who Ya Got?

Honestly, I really haven't researched why they got into a war over the weekend, but I did see Hannity called Kimmel a "pervert."

And then this video was quickly uncovered. #MeToo

Kimmel, as a decent man, has backed down from the fight. Not that he wouldn't win it, but it is simply not worth his time.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• That was a freaky cold day on Saturday. I felt bad for those at Texas Motor Speedway, those who had to go to kid's baseball or softball game, and any festival that was planned.
• I was in a Bridgeport grocery store early on Saturday morning and heard, directed at me, "Look at the big noggin' on this guy." It was a Wise County Sheriff's Office investigator.
• There's a Bridgeport law firm who is now involved in a  Harris County lawsuit regarding Hurricane Harvey and they have a co-counsel named Muhammad Azis. I've got talk to them about the whole deal.
• There is too much time between the primary election and the runoff election in Texas.
• I've dogged Wise County Crime Stoppers for years. For every person placed on probation, that person pays them $50. Trust me, there is a ton of money they have collected. I've always wanted someone just to simply tell me what the balance of the account is but they won't. (However, that Messenger story about the theft the NRS did lead to a tip and an arrest.)
• On a Ticket show on Saturday some millienals who were hosting it dogged Caddyshack because they didn't "understand the humor." We are all doomed. 
• Oh, no! Diamond and Silk, the token African Americans on Fox News, are mad ("Uh, huh! That's right!"):
  
  
  
• I don't know if Facebook "censored" them are not. If they did, there is an explanation: Facebook is a private company and can control the content in any way they wish. 
• Here's is what you say if you are in the pulpit of a Megachurch: "You might be hurting today. You might have been passed over for a promotion at work. Your marriage might be in trouble. You might have a son or daughter who is involved with drugs.  A good friend might have said something hurtful or betrayed your trust. Your finances may be scaring you and you don't know how you will ever climb out of that debt. But let me send this message to you . . . . " It's like taking candy from a baby. 
  
• If my nephew and his wife were to have a baby, what does that make me? I wouldn't be an uncle. Grand uncle? Great Uncle? Second Uncle? 
• The end to the Astros/Padre game over the weekend was a tragic comedy. I showed it to Mrs. LL and even she said, "I want to see that again." (Tied 0-0 in the bottom of the 10th.)
• Random thought as I was watching The Masters: I don't like Jordan Spieth, but I don't know why.
• There is a weird double death in an "upscale" home in Collin County. Once again, cops say there is "no danger to the public" but don't tell us what happened. 
  
• There was another gas attack in Syria that killed children. Warning: This is hard to watch. Our  useless bombing of their air strip with 59 Tomahawk missiles that did less damage than a Molotov cocktail (the airport was functioning again within 48 hours) didn't do much good.  #MAGA
• And he still shot a 65 on Saturday:
  
  
• There was a fire at Trump Tower this weekend. A person died. Firefighters were hurt.
  
  
  
• Trump will be Trump in response:
  
  
• Mark Zuckerberg will appear before a Congressional committee this week. Take this to the bank: He will have an incredibly awkward, nervous, and stumbling performance. It's not that he's not a brilliant guy, he just can't handle being in the spotlight. 

Above The Fold

Full page PDF.

It's Friday. Let's Get Out Of Here.

Something like this happens to me every morning. 

Get me this dog!

I hope that was the driver and not the passenger.

This is probably fake, but I want to believe.

Get me this dog, too!

I'm Now Officially Worried About Newspapers

Denver Post uses massive photo of Citizens Bank Park on feature about Coors Field https://t.co/o6Jz3xp28h pic.twitter.com/XVFqIP87uX

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) April 6, 2018

That park is in Philadelphia. 

English . . . Do They Speak It?

.@DiamondandSilk: "It's time for @HillaryClinton to get @MichelleObama - both of them can go into the woods and realize that President Trump is both of theirs president." pic.twitter.com/lfFYRub7It

— Fox News (@FoxNews) April 6, 2018

I would love to know what Fox News' base of older white men think about the clown act of Diamond and Silk.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• Trump has been relentless over his criticism of Amazon (whose owner just happens to own the Washington Post.) What if the head of Amazon, Jeff Bezos, bought Twitter with his pocket change and then banned Trump? 
• If that happened, it would make me initially very happy and then, later, very sad. Trump's Twitter feed is one of my great joys. 
• We are all doomed. Count the red flags in this headline:
  
• And another: 
  
• You would think those living in downtown Fort Worth are hipsters. Turns out they are older, white, and rich. 
• It drives me nuts when there are the constant comments about how the Democratic Party was racist pre-1960. That is, in fact, true. But the people of Texas and the entire South were Democrat dominated until 1980 when they switched to the Republican Party in the Reagan landslide.  The South simply changed teams. 
• That is not to disparage anyone who runs as a Republican in the South. Regardless of your beliefs, you cannot get elected if you do not. At least for now.  (Wise County was slow to change. You could not win as a Republican in Wise County until the mid 1990s.)
• The fact that our new puppy dog is in Pet Smart's "Puppy College" makes me want to question everything I value. 
• The Texas Tribune has a story explaining why teachers in Texas can't strike because it is against the law. Trust me, they can. There is no criminal penalty but, yes, they could lose their jobs and benefits. Yet, if teachers organized en masse and walked out for a pay hike across the state, what's the State of Texas and/or local administrations going to do? Fire all of them and take away their retirement? No. First, their is no way to replace all of them. Secondly, those in charge would fear the political blowback for retaliating against teachers. The voting block of teachers, their relatives and friends is enough to destroy any politician. But a walk out would take courage.
• The fact that it has to be explained what a severe weather "watch" is compared to a "warning" makes me concerned about the public.
• Someone in Southlake got scammed by someone they met on Match.com and "was out over $200,000" and never met the person. That victim is not smart enough to have $200,000 in the first place. 
  
• At the time that I'm writing this, Dennis Prager's book has plummeted to #77 on Amazon. (I had a guy up at the courthouse ask me yesterday who he was. I told him he was a radio talk show host on his third marriage who, as proof of his psuedo-intellectualism, gives advice in a "Relationship Hour" every week.)
• Edit: Make that #87. But at least he is competing with a book called "Her Best Men":
  
• I will always love this photo: 

  

  "But be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.”

• I went through "Bible Drills" as a kid. The Sunday School teacher would line us up as we all held a Bible. Then she would say a book, chapter, and verse and the first one to locate it in the Bible would win. I still remember this trick: Psalms, from a page count standpoint, is in the middle of the Bible. 
• Trump will avoid the White House Correspondence Dinner again. What a coward. And never forget when Obama scorched him at it in 2011. I'm not sure he has ever been back. The man has not an ounce of humor in his soul. 
• Secret: If you are on deferred adjudication for a Class C traffic ticket the chances of any municipality in Texas finding out that you got another ticket during your probation is less than 1%. (By the way, I've not received a traffic ticket since 1989. Mrs. LL, on the other hand . . . . )

Sergio Just Went "Tin Cup"

WATCH: DEFENDING CHAMP SERIGO GARCIA GOES FULL TIN CUP, TIES #TheMasters RECORD HIGH SCORE CARDING A 13!! pic.twitter.com/cEOMIIZJGx

— HeavensBarstool (@HeavensHawkeye) April 5, 2018

He amazingly put five shots in the water.

Look At This Ridiculous Vehicle

We help clean up the city, and Speedy Bee car wash helps clean us up!  #ProtectSouthlake pic.twitter.com/EEyFM3QMv9

— Southlake DPS (@SouthlakeDPS) April 5, 2018

I truly thought it was a joke. It doesn't beat the DPS Gun Boats on the Rio Grand, but that's a shameful use of taxpayer resources. It's Southlake for crying out loud. 

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• A wreck on 287 this morning shut it down. This looks awful: 
  
• Just a random restaurant in Fort Worth in a high tone shopping area I didn't know existed. People actually order and additional two ounces at $55 an ounce?:
  
• RG3 is back after he signed a one year contract with the Ravens. The Redskins may be the dumbest team in the history of the NFL. They sold the farm to draft him, he ended up the Rookie of the Year but they chose to play him when he was obviously injured, and he ended up crumpled on the ground in a playoff game never to be the same. 

  

  Knees don't work that way.

• Johnny Football says it was his employer's fault for not realizing he was lazy. Buddy, you'll never be back in the NFL: 
  
• The New York Times  published a story a few weeks ago about how Jimmy Buffett doesn't live the Jimmy Buffett lifestyle at all. He posted this yesterday. That's not exactly a hippy on the beach (even when he does make it to the beach.)
  
• After hanging around the courthouse for decades, I learned yesterday there are old showers in the County Court at Law #1 judge's office and the County Attorney's office. That area, I am told, used to basically be dorm rooms for sequestered juries (one side for men and the other side for women). Sequestration was apparently mandatory back then. 
• I've begged for this for years: Does anyone have a photo of the Wise County District Court when there was a balcony? It had to look like the courtroom in To Kill A Mockingbird. 
• Someone to me at the courthouse yesterday after noticing I'm carrying a paper notebook around now: "I bought my husband one which you can put in the microwave, and it will erase all the ink and then you can use it all over again." I'll be dang. It exists. 
• I don't trust the "back up camera" in cars. But I do love the lines.
• Watch Jack Nicklaus' grandson, serving as a caddy in the Par 3 tournament at the Masters but getting to hit the ball in front of his grandfather, make a hole in one. Good stuff. (It's a quick loading Twitter video and worth a few seconds of your time.)
• That's funny: 
  
• And Another: 
  
• Last night Tucker Carlson had Dumb Face again. For the love of all things holy, close your mouth during an interview.
  
  
• Mrs. LL has started a tradition of taking a "girl trip" with one of her friends every summer. She asked me where she should go this year. My answer: Marfa. I've never been there. 
• I've never seen Giant.
• I've railed against the Twin Peaks Biker prosecution from the start. The State of Texas has now given McLennan County a grant of $646,000 to help defray costs. So now everyone of you is helping to pay for a decision made by the dumbest DA in the state. (Once again, it is coming up on two years and not a single conviction and not a single plea bargain.)

Above The Fold

Full page pdf.

Random Wednesday Morning Thoughts

• Barry Horn, who has had a weekly column in the Dallas Morning News about sports media, has been let go. 
• But as the newspaper business struggles, big government is living high on the hog: He takes first class trips at your expense. He stays in a condo in D.C. for $50 a night owned by an energy lobbyist. And now this. If you drain the swamp, you apparently get to replenish it. 
  
• No one makes bad "dad jokes" more than Mike Huckabee. (No wonder his daughter, Trump's press secretary, seems so beaten down.)
  
• Mav's Nerlens Noel is not a smart man. He reportedly turned down a four-year, $70 million offer from the Mavs last off-season and signed a $4.188-million offer instead so he could be a free agent next year. He was a bust this season and yesterday he was suspended for the rest of it for violating the NBA's drug policy.
  
• Doris Day turned 96 yesterday. When I was in fourth grade, my teacher, for some reason, told our class that the actress was "old and gray."  I remember telling my mom about it when I got home, and she promptly told me my teacher was absolutely wrong. I had to do the math this morning, but Doris Day was in her late 40s at the time. (I might remember that event so vividly because it perhaps was the first time I learned that those in positions of authority could be wrong.)
  
• We've had another military helicopter crash. In California, four are presumed dead. It happens time and time again. 
• Dennis Prager and his one fan in Wise County were bragging about how Prager's new book was #2 on Amazon's best seller list on the day it was released. One day later, it was already at #43 and plummeting into oblivion. They have no idea how Amazon's algorithm works. #PsuedoIntellectuals (Edit: It is now down to #47 since I wrote this two hours ago.)
  
• Martin Luther King, Jr. was murdered 50 years ago today. His dream has never come true. (On a lighter note, the barbershop scene from Coming To America where Eddie Murphy's character claims to have met "Martin Luther The King" still makes me laugh.)
• The office of the disgraced and outgoing Waco DA released a naked photo of the wife of a "former defendant" in the Twin Hill Biker cases. It was taken off his seized cell phone and sent to "attorneys representing 177 Twin Peaks defendants as part of the discovery process." A judge had to tell the office to stop. Revenge porn? 
• Sounds like there was a pretty wild hearing in a criminal case in Wise County last Thursday. I'm trying to learn more but, from what I've heard, I'm considering paying for the transcript. 
• I will never understand why Bedford police immediately announced there was no threat to the public as they were investigating the case of body of a teen found in a landfill. Two months later, they arrested someone. Yesterday, the accused murderer was moved to adult jail. 
  
• Never underestimate Fox News and some Republicans to speculate if they can find a way to attack minorities. Ron Howard voice: "No, she wasn't.": 
  
• Trump now says the military will guard the border. That sure is a long, long way from "I will build a wall and Mexico will pay for it." 
• "Special counsel Robert Mueller has told President Donald Trump's lawyers that the President is not currently being considered a criminal target of the Russia probe." For those celebrating, you might want to focus on the "not currently" qualifying language. How would you like a prosecutor to announce that you are "not currently" a target. I'd be nervous.
• One of the Dogs in the House saw a possum on a fence last weekend. After the dog went crazy, the possum froze. The Freshman in the House asked if it the varmit was OK. Mrs. LL told her it "was just playing possum." Well played. 

"They Paved Paradise And Put Up A Parking Lot"

Or, in Decatur today, they are demolishing a church to put up a convenience store.

(Thanks, J, for the pics.)

Caption This

What's Melanie thinking? What is the Easter Bunny thinking?

Houston Astros Had A Hard Time Revealing Their World Champion "Banner"

Wait for it ... no really, you really have to wait for it! 😂pic.twitter.com/eT6gz67EZb

— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) April 2, 2018

They decided to use leaf blowers to unveil it?

But I'll give the players credit for thinking it was funny.

And The Winner Is

And the worst are:

(And it just dawned on me I owe someone $50 from years back.)