A Question Actually Asked To Trump This Morning

Would Donald Trump have killed the gorilla? https://t.co/Im5ig7cqp0 pic.twitter.com/87BIbSWQwC

— CNN (@CNN) May 31, 2016

Spoiler alert: He would.

That's Not Road Rage. That's An Assault.

From St. Petersburg.

Notable Religion Death

Jan Crouch of the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

Her husband, Paul, died in 2013.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• Still no word yet regarding Bill Kristol's "there's a viable Independent presidential candidate coming" announcement.
• The folks at the Cincinnati jail "having to defend" the shooting of the gorilla who was on the verge of mauling the little boy is silly. Edit: OK, I meant "zoo" and not "jail" but it probably felt like a jail to him.  (And some of the protesters want the mother charged with a crime. Uh, what exactly was the crime?)
• Baylor hires an ex-Wake Forest coach to lead the Bears in the interim. Consider me underwhelmed unless he promises just to be a caretaker and lets the remaining coaches continue to run what they have been running.
• I've got a weird commentor on here who constantly dogs me for saying, at the time, that former Baylor player Josh Gordon was the best receiver in the NFL. For some reason, he doesn't think Gordon could be "the best at the time" because since then he has been suspended. That makes no sense to me. Buddy, have you ever heard of Marcus Dupree?
• From the Update: "Bridgeport Police Department will begin a Prescription Drug Take Back program as part of an initiative aimed at reducing the amount of illegal prescription drugs in the Bridgeport community." I'm sure there is answer for this, but why not just throw them away or flush 'em?
• I saw a trooper the other day on 287 hiding in his patrol car behind a tree as he clocked passing traffic. He was parked in a well site entrance. Nothing wrong with it, but 99% of the time you simply see them on the side of the road. 
• The Thunder/Warriors game seven last night pulled in an 11.2 rating. Last year, the Tony Romo-less Cowboys routinely pulled in around a 25.0 rating during a dismissal dismal season. 
• I have a name of the guy who found my iPad at Home Depot and turned it in: Phillip Gist.
• Electronic traffic signs in Dallas got hacked over the weekend. Here are three funny ones.
• Waco is a strange place: The Branch Davidians, two Baylor scandals which have made national news, a Twins Peaks shoot out, and the home of the show "Fixer Upper" (which I have never seen.)
• My Memorial Day consisted of hedge trimming, flower planting, water hose splicing, hornet zapping, fishing (which caused a run to Walmart at 6:00 a.m. -- the only way to shop at Walmart by the way), stone walkway stabilization, light bulb replacing, a/c troubleshooting, failed screen replacement, and more.
• Fifteen foot gator seen strolling on a Florida golf course. Video.
• Creepy story of the year: A guy from Plano is charged with the murder of his girlfriend after he "posted a photo of himself covered in blood and a picture of his girlfriend’s body on her Facebook page with the caption, 'Please pray for us.'" 
• Whatever happened to Amanda Bynes? She used to make news once a week for her crazy behavior.
• Edit: And from the Butte County Post: "Erma Albert had a doctor’s appointment in the hills on Tuesday. She is preparing for a trip to see her granddaughter graduate at Bridgeport, Texas. The high school is so big that the graduation will be held in the stadium. She will hope for good weather for graduation and also for the flight down and back. Dick has been busy tilling the garden and mowing grass."

Moving Memorial Day Photos

More.

In Case You Missed It: Moments Before Gorilla Shot

this happened while my Mom was at the gorilla exhibit. Her video. #cincinnatizoo #gorilla #harambe pic.twitter.com/RFBUQEQGAr

— Amber Soler (@Amber_Soler) May 29, 2016

Wow. Four year old boy. Gorilla shot and killed.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• It's Memorial Day, the Update is not being published, and once again I prove that I'm the hardest working man in show business.
• Pete Delkus predicted no rain on Saturday night just hours before the bottom fell out of the sky with a lightning storm. (Not to cut him a break, but this weather has all the local weather guys confused.)
• I left my iPad (with credit card and driver's license) in a shopping cart in the parking lot of Home Depot on Saturday. Result: Someone found it, Home Depot saw one of my business cards in it, and called the office.  (And shout out to not only them but to technology -- the message was automatically forwarded to my assistant's cell phone who then called my wife who then called me with a "Ya missing something?")
• I'm not saying that I saw the Owner, Editor, and Publisher of the Wise County Messenger was at a shockingly early 8:00 a.m. high school graduation ceremony for Keller Central on the campus of UTA, but it was no coincidence that one of the top ten graduates had the last name of "Eaton".
• One of the honors graduates tried to throw out a mini- comedy routine during her speech. The audience of her peers didn't laugh very often which gave rise to some awkward pauses. I could just picture that days before her dad was writing out the speech for her and saying, "Honey, you are going to have them in stitches with these zingers!"
• Two thoughts about high school graduation: (1) Back in the day, I thought it was the sparest of accomplishments -- who can't graduate from high school? Now I'm struck more by how it is a celebration of a huge transition period. Unless you have support, you are truly on the verge of being "on your own". (2) Those kids seem way too young and naive to be "on your own". 
• Baylor has a little bit of a tricky question: What if there is not enough evidence to terminate Art Briles "with cause"? If not, they would actually owe him millions and millions left on the eight years left on his contract.  Throw in the fact that he is just currently "suspended with intent to terminate" might be an indication that Baylor understands they might have a problem.  (And if there was not enough evidence, why fire Briles in the first place? The more I think about this the more I think the Board of Regents screwed this whole thing up by not simply firing Ken Starr and just suspending Briles).
• The three officers on Waco PD who fired fatal shots during the Twin Peaks fiasco are still on desk jobs that they were assigned to immediately after the shootings. It has been over a year. 
• For political junkies only: Here is an interview with the two guys who produced the LBJ "Daisy" political ad on what they would do to Trump. They are dead on. One thing they suggested is a quick montage of all of the Republican potential candidates taking brutal jabs at Trump's qualifications during the primaries. 
• "Just a heads up over this holiday weekend: There will be an independent candidate--an impressive one, with a strong team and a real chance." Tweet by conservative political commentator Bill Kristol (who normally doesn't throw out hot shock opinions just for the sake of being shocking.)
• A person who drowned in his car in South Texas during the horrible flooding posted a picture as the car was being submerged. 
• Random fast food thought: How does McDonald's keep the orders straight with those two drive through lanes? They can't assume the cars get to the pay window in the same position that they ordered, right?
• Johnny Football is in trouble again for alleged wrecking a rented Mercedes and taking off. The owner of the rental company now wants $90,000. (Odd side note: After the wreck, Manziel was picked up by Josh Gordon - a former Baylor player kicked off the team by Art Briles for smoking weed.) 
• Sorry to hear about the suicide of a former DPS Trooper who was once assigned to Wise County. I may be wrong, but I think she might have been the first (and only?) female trooper to work out of Decatur. 
• It has come to this?: Southlake police tazed a 21 year old while in the hospital after a DWI arrest in order to take her blood. (She says she would have submitted to a breath test but didn't want her blood taken.)

Above The Fold

Readable full page pdf here.

It's A Three Day Weekend, Let's Get Out Of Here

See the animated gif of the above here.

Texas Rep On His Standard Anti Same Sex Marriage Rant

.@LouieGohmertTX1 has said many amazing things. Yesterday he packed them all into 1 speech about gay space colonies. https://t.co/YP91qK9ZMk

— Robert Wilonsky (@RobertWilonsky) May 27, 2016

I'm pretty sure the Supreme Court has settled the issue, but let the man have his say. CSPAN always needs filler.

But you have to love his argument which comes up around the 2:00 mark. If an asteroid were to be headed towards earth and you had to load 40 people into a space craft to launch them in order to "save humanity", how many would be same sex couples?  Whoa. Good argument. But I'd trump him with a counter-proposal of putting one polygamist male with 39 fertile females on the rocket. Heck, make it one polygamist male, one female fertility doctor, and 38 other fertile females. (My Bridgeport math skills are finally paying off.)

Credit for his reference to a 1998 Matt Damon movie. Points subtracted for not doing a mic drop and walking away.

Pete Delkus Wasn't Quite Nostradamus Last Night

The bottom post came out around 11:00 p.m. (But by using the subjective word "severe" yet predicting "lightning, thunder and . . . hail" pretty much gives him a heck of a lot of wiggle room.)

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• I wonder if Dave Campbell's Texas Football has already gone to press? If they had Art Briles on the cover, they have to be pulling their hair out.
• So far, it looks like only Briles is out at Baylor. That leaves a Top 10 team coming back this fall with defensive coach Phil Bennett (now interim coach) and offensive coordinator, Briles' son, still intact. You would know who would be a great head coach who (1) is available now, (2) would bring instead credibility back, and (3) would be the perfect "caretaker" to a machine that is already built?: Mack Brown. Considering the fact he is still not pleased about the way UT treated him in the end, he might just do it. 
• "Last night moody county south dakota. 21 heifers killed dead after lightning hit the metal bale feeder." Photo.
• A few weeks back the "Austin City Council passed a number of regulations targeting ridesharing companies like Uber and Lyft" which caused the companies to pull out. Why? Aren't any regulations ultimately unenforceable? After all, Uber is nothing more than one private person agreeing to give a ride to another private person. 
• Did you know that Bill Murray just didn't show up to play in the Colonial Pro Am. He was hired by new sponsor Dean & Deluca.  What a great gig. 
• President Obama embraced at survivor of Hiroshima in Hiroshima this morning. He later wrote in a guestbook: "Let us now find the courage, together, to spread peace, and pursue a world without nuclear weapons." No nuclear weapons? Is he crazy? Keep reading . . . 
• "My central arms control objective has been to reduce substantially, and ultimately to eliminate, nuclear weapons and rid the world of the nuclear threat." - Ronald Reagan, March 24, 2016 1984.
• Chris Berman will leave ESPN after the end of the NFL season. It's like a Christmas present in May!
• The Gaylord Texas opens up its water park today. Entrance price is literally "get a room". 
• I missed this headline in the Bridgeport Index: "BISD Will Follow Federal Transgender Guidelines".
• I posted a link to a story about the Wimberley flooding yesterday. This morning the county is in a flash flood warning. (To the east, over a foot of rain has fallen over the last 24 hours.)
• Decatur High School's graduation three days after Memorial Day seems late. 

Our Governor

Oh, My!!!!!!!

Baylor dismisses coach Art Briles, source told @ESPN. Briles informed players via text, source said. Announcement expected at noon ET

— Brett McMurphy (@McMurphyESPN) May 26, 2016

Man, oh, man . . .

A Long Read For Upcoming Long Weekend

A faithful reader suggested this story, and D Magazine is promoting it even though it is in Texas Monthly. It's the incredible story about the flooding of the Blanco River in Wimberly last year over the Memorial Day weekend. For one family on a long weekend vacation, it was the ultimate tragedy. Here's the story.

Before:

After:

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• More protesters at a Trump speech yesterday -- this time in California. When is the last time you've hear of organized protesters at routine speeches of a presidential candidate in May?
• Urban Myth: You can't have your prescription medication in container other than the original pill bottle. And there was actually a Texas case over the last couple of weeks which backs up what I've been saying for years: "At oral argument, the State represented that it was illegal to carry prescribed medications outside of its original container as it was delivered by the pharmacist. We have not been able to locate such a law."
• A six part show on the National Geographic Channel that is getting a lot of buzz. It is about a father who goes looking for his son who disappeared in the jungles of Costa Rica two years ago. It's called Missing Dial and people are comparing it to the great Making of a Murderer. Spoiler alert: There has been some huge news about the case in the last five days. 
• Borderline bigot, Robert Jeffress of FBC Dallas, is in Germany right now speaking to 1,000 "young pastors."  That's all we need. That guy firing up Germany of all countries with his rhetoric. 
• Fox 4 had a story last night that the American Sniper might have lied in his book about the number of medals he received. We know he lied about punching Jesse Ventura and killing two guys at a gas station in Texas who he said had tried to carjack him.  I wonder if people are going to start questioning his claim that he was able to shoot a guy from 2,100 yards away.
• Baylor has a whopping 34 members on its Board of Regents.  One of them is Mark Hurd who had to resign as CEO of Hewlett-Packard after it was discovered he had covered up around $20,000 of expenses and travel related to a female "marketing consultant". She had made a claim of sexual harassment.
• Pretty amazing: Crooks used a huge forklift to lift an ATM from a Dallas bank's drive-thru. The forklift is still at the bank this morning with the ATM on it. Pics.  
• A column in the DMN pointed out that Appraisal Districts create a fall guy for school boards, city councils, and county commissioners.  This is certainly true this year: Property appraisals have jumped dramatically which means we are all paying higher taxes.  But those boards which set the tax rate can say, "We did not increase taxes this year." 
• Oil has cracked $50 a barrel for the first time since November. 
• Texas, through Abbott and Paxton -- our own comedy team, will sue the "Obama Administration" over what many news organizations are referring to as a "presidential directive" regarding schools and transgendered bathrooms. But it wasn't a "directive" at all.(Directives have the full force of law). Instead, the U.S. Department of Education Office of Civil Rights and the U.S. Department of Justice Civil Rights Division issued a joint "Dear Colleague" letter that included "significant guidance" to schools about civil rights protections for transgender students. Nevertheless, Abbott and Paxton must always invoke "Obama" at every turn: Abbott said "I announced today that Texas is fighting this. Obama can't rewrite the Civil Rights Act. He's not a King."

Most Recent Texas Criminal Trends - Cases Filed In Courts

Drug cases dominated new filings in district courts last year.

Amazingly, DWI filings have plummeted over the long term:

Full report (pdf).

Random Guys In A Backyard Boxing Match

Note to kid in the white wife-beater: Look out for the guy's right hook.

(That was right out of Frazier vs. Ali)