Stop The Internet

I think I understand most video clips. From the seedy to the funny. From the educational to the mindless. From puppies running in a yard to a stripper falling off a pole. Those are the clips which make life worth living. Until I stumbled across this one. We've got a "lady" crushing beer cans with bare hands causing them to explode. Huh? Why? And how many times does she do this? Six? I mean, if you can do it once do you really need to prove it five more times? But the crazy part is the husband/boyfriend/coach/stalker guy who is running the camera and keeps encouraging her. It's like she's trying to set a world record in the bench press and he's there to make sure it happens. I'm marking this date down as the moment I finally became old. The Internets have passed me by.

Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• The guy that smashed into the fleeing car yesterday afternoon in Dallas (video below) was almost giddy in the post crash interviews on the news last night. That was weird.
• There was another high speed chase this morning in Dallas-- at least until the tires were shot out and she (yep, she) went 20 mph forever on rims.
• I saw a DPS trooper changing a girl's flat tire this morning on 287 outside of Rhome. I'm not sure I've ever seen that before.
• I've been reading for a few years how the federal court in Marshall, Texas is a hot bed for patent lawsuits. In fact, it may become what the Rio Grande Valley is to personal injury lawsuits. Evidence: Yesterday's $1.67 billion verdict. That's with a "B".
• I felt dumb this morning. There was a graphic put up on NBC about a jet crashing this morning with 153 people on board off the island of Comoros. But next to Comoros was the island nation of Madagascar. I had no idea. Movie, yes. Place. no.
• At 6:52 a.m. on Channel 5, the local newscast did a story on "Chuy's" opening up in Arlington. There is no way it wasn't a paid commercial disguised as a news story. That drives me nuts.
• I never take 380 to Denton but it sounds like the construction is going to be a beating.
• The Fort Worth cops are trying to justify their raid of the gay Rainbow Lounge is a little tough considering it had only been open for a week. (No personal knowledge here -- read it in the Star Telegram.)
• Hey, some of you legal eagles out there, explain this to me: What good will it do to try and attack the arrest warrant in the Russ Martin case in a pre-trial hearing? Unless evidence was found as a result of the arrest (and I don't think there was), winning that motion will mean absolutely nothing.
• The Rangers have a big series with the Angels this week. How big? So big that only 16,985 showed up last night in Arlington for Game 1. And that number looks generous compared to the empty seats on TV.
• Stop the presses, WBAP's Hal Jay actually made me giggle this morning. After sports guy Steve Lamb said it was "Free Kid Tuesday" at the ballpark tonight, Jay quipped, "They are giving away free kids?"
• U.S. troops have now withdrawn from urban areas of Iraq. But we're still hanging around in other parts of the country. Who would have thought that it would take longer defeat Iraq than the Germans and Japanese in WWII.

I'm Insane Now

Octomom Stalked By Ernie

Cow Carnage

Not earthshaking, but as the old school newspapers move to the "get it on the web fast" movement, you'll see some interesting developments. This afternoon, the Dallas Morning News reported that 35 cows in Denton County had been found dead with an estimated financial loss of $65,000. This evening the story had been amended to read 23 cows valued at $11,500. (But as a side note, I'm still disturbed of finding what I recall to be about 10 cows dead in a pasture that is now a high tone subdivision on the east side of Bridgeport. They appeared, shockingly, to have been gutted and all of the cows were, oddly, within a 30 yard circle. I ran home and told my dad about it who called the owner of the land, but I'm not sure we ever got a straight answer.)

Joe Jackson = The Devil?

If I were ever to have a famous Little Barry who died way too young at age 50, I don't think I'd first pimp my law practice when I addressed the media. (And I never saw that Jacksons movie which was a docu-drama, but it's supposed to be replayed on VH1 this month. Apparently it doesn't put ol' Joe in a very good light. After this, that's not too surprising.)

Man Runs from POleeece

Channel 8 was apparently broadcasting a police chase a few moments ago when [insert John Madden voice] "BOOM!" How the guy survived, I have no idea. But he did. Video. Edit: The higher ups at Fox 4 told me I'd better put up a link to their high quality video of the chase up or they are sending Becky Oliver after me.

Monday Afternoon Pick Me Up

Let's just say that I've got Mrs. Green #9 in sight. I'd like for you to meet Oskana Kondakova and I took this pic of her while she was frolicking at Black Creek Lake over the weekend. Sure we have a little communication problem since I don't speak Russian and she doesn't speak 'merican, but I'm pretty sure this is the one. But I guess I'll really find out this weekend when she has a chance to celebrate the 4th of July. Girlfriend needs to understand who won the Cold War.

Morning Beat Down: Who Ya Got?

• Madoff gets 150 years. (But where's the billions?)
• Team USA beats France 78-0 in football. (France? Football? Our kind of football?)
• Judge Sotomayor gets reversed by Supreme Court (allowing Rush Limbaugh to call her a "racist" yet again.)

One For The Ladies

From the Boston/Atlanta game yesterday. (Wait for the escorting off of the field.)

If interested, a guy got a couple of pics of it over the weekend. Edit: Or I could be wrong.

Not A Good Way To Start The Week

We've had shocking news on Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Billy Mays. Now we've got another one. Britney has killed her blonde hair and has gone brunette. Absolutely unacceptable. (Credit.)

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• Best role of judge in any movie:Fred Gwynne in My Cousin Vinny
• I finally got my fence/gate repaired. There's quite a bit of satisfaction in doing something like that.
• I'm back to watching The Wire and I'm up to Season 3. It's still great.
• Idiocracy #1: Transformers 2 opens up the weekend with $201 million in box office receipts.
• Idiocracy #2: The Oxygen Channel has a new "reality" show for fat people who dance called "Dance You Ass Off."
• Any high school girl that thinks getting pregnant would be romantic needs to check out MTV's "16 and Pregnant."
• Cops raided a gay club in Fort Worth on Saturday night and arrested a few folks for public intoxication. The clubs in downtown and at Northside must have been drunk-free that night.
• I was not familiar with "I Survived" on The Biography Channel but a faithful reader told me that Episode 5 was about Fort Worth lawyer Jerry Wood who ran off a road in Palo Pinto County in 2006. He had been in Decatur earlier that day.
• I continue to be suspicious of anyone who brags about their marriage. (I'm seeing more and more of it.)
• I missed this last week: A Texas lawyer gets arrested on his way to a murder trial.
• I tried to watch the USA/Brazil soccer final but decided that it had the excitement level of baseball.
• I won't be upset if swindler Bernard Madoff gets 50 years today.
• Michael Jackson's full time physician is probably sweating right now. And his lawyer out of Houston was on Fox, CNN, and The Today Show this morning.
• I had forgotten how much Janet Jackson sounds like Michael.
• And I rarely listen to Kidd Kraddick, but I caught him this morning doing a pretty good defense of Jackson against the pedophile allegations.
• I've already registered for the White Rock Half Marathon and Fort Worth Half Marathon. (Last year I waited too late for the White Rock and now Fort Worth is going to put limits in place for the first time.)
• Fox News is all up in arms over an energy bill that was narrowly passed in the House on Friday.
• Billy Mays dies over the weekend. I'll be honest. I watch a lot of TV. Way too much. But I can't say I've ever seen a Billy Mays infomercial.
• Weekend shocking news: One wreck in Oklahoma claims 10 lives.
• Ran by the NFL Channel last night and they were replaying the last game in Texas Stadium. Who scored the last Cowboys' touchdown? Terrell Owens.
• And I got to see Wade Phillips look confused on the sideline. So we've got that to look forward to this year.

Friday Afternoon Pick Me Up

"It's been a hard week. Come party with us at CiCi's Pizza in Decatur"

Back To Standing In Front Of The Tanks

I rarely do this, but I've already disclosed so much about it that I figured I'd wrap it up. I got a "Not Guilty" today in a DWI case in our County Court at Law. As you can tell from the above slip, the breath tests were .118 and .119. Of course, .08 is the legal limit. Before you start screaming "How can this happen?" or "What an injustice!!!", you might want to tap the brakes. The case is odd one. To begin with, the traffic stop was simply for speeding at 11:00 o'clock in the morning. No weaving. No recklessness. Although he did need to slow down since he was running 84 in a 70. (Note to Wise County Drivers: The officer was hiding on the 287 northbound entrance ramp off of 407.). The video of the Field Sobriety Tests showed an almost flawless performance. He passed the One Leg Stand by holding his foot in the air for 30 seconds, never swayed, never used his arms for balance and never hopped. His performance on the Walk and Turn test was nearly equally flawless having only stepped off the line one time during the 18 step test (in a gusting wind along Hwy 287), and performed an "improper turn" because he did a military turn instead of "a series of small steps." Concerning his actions, he looked as sober as a preacher. No slurred speech. No unsteadiness on his feet. He and the officer communicated with each other just like you would with someone over a cup of coffee. Had he been drinking? Yes and no. He admitted to getting "pretty" drunk the night before with his last drink being at around 2:00 a.m. The officer, on the tape, seemed to believe him. Remember, the traffic stop is at 11:00 a.m. He is arrested (somehow) and taken to the Wise County Sheriff's Office where he readily agreed to provide a sample of his breath. The only person more shocked than me as to the results was the defendant himself. I watched the video a million times and was convinced the breath test had to be wrong. For it to be correct, my client would have had the equivalent of 7 regular sized beers in the hour immediately before the test. Even the State's expert agreed with that. No way. The basic defense was fairly simple: Are you going to believe your eyes, or are you going to convict someone based upon a machine in the Sheriff's office? Two important factors about the Intoxilyzer 5000: (1) If both breath samples from the arrested person are within .02 of one another, it is considered a valid test. Yep, if I blow a .081 on my first test and .101 on the second (or .061) the machine will validate it - as will DPS. That's a shocking range of error. (2) There can also be as much as .019 grams of alcohol in the chamber of the machine before the "Ambient Failure" warning will appear. Yep, in theory, a sober person could blow into the machine and register a true .019 and the machine wouldn't detect an error. With all of that in the mix, the verdict isn't that surprising. If the law says that you must find a person not guilty if you have a doubt about the accuracy of the machine and that doubt is a reasonable one to you, how could you vote to convict? [OK, I'll regulate the comments a little more than normal. But let me say this in all earnestness: The prosecutors did a very good job. The officer did a good job and was very honest to admit when he did make a mistake. This case is one that was decided on the evidence and the evidence alone.] Edit: And a buddy of mine has a heck of a sense of humor.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• Maybe I'm a tad bit sensitive since I'm in the criminal defense business, but I get a bit irked when people refer to Michael Jackson as a "child molester" when he was never found guilty of such a thing. And the acquittal wasn't an O.J. Simpson kind of verdict, the allegations were suspicious at best.
• Maybe it's just because I have compassion for the tormented soul.
• And, admit it, when you saw the clips of him dancing on the news last night, you had to stop down and watch, didn't you?
• And Jackson was a worldwide phenomenon.
• Horrible admission: As a kid, I woke up early at a backyard camp out in my neighborhood so that I could run home and catch the Jackson 5 cartoon that came on at 8:30 a.m.
• Who would have ever bet that Liz Taylor (Jackson's good friend) would survive longer than him?
• It was around 1981 when I went and saw "The Jacksons" at Reunion Arena -- but it was Michael who the show was about. This was after "Off The Wall" but before "Thriller." And it was great.
• I took a girl to the concert who was a nut with an overprotective father. I have no idea what her name was.
• Debated on The Fan (105.3 FM) yesterday: Will you remember where you were when you heard the news of Jackson's death? I think I will. (I was with my mom after fishing when I heard the news of Elvis' death. I was driving home from a Denton golf driving range when I heard the news of Princess Di's crash.)
• And TMZ was the first to report Jackson's death. That is not an insignificant fact in this era of "new media."
• Changing gears, did I hear correctly last night that Farrah was only on "Charlie's Angels" for one season, and only did sporadic guest appearances after that?
• We will be hard pressed to ever have a bigger Double Celebrity Death Day than yesterday.
• I feel feel like the Chinese guy in front of the tank in my DWI trial that is going on. Two prosecutors on the other side, they've got an intern helping out, and the DA will occasionally stick his head in to offer advice.
• The jury learned yesterday that my guy had a breath test result, according to the government sanctioned machine, of .118 and .119. The legal limit is .08 I obviously don't believe it's accurate. (We should have a verdict this morning.)
• I've learned the big soccer tournament going on is the FIFA Confederations Cup being played in South Africa. If you stumble across it on ESPN, you will immediately be annoyed by a mind numbing loud buzzing in the background. The sound? Thousands of fans blowing into their own personal vuvuzela.
• Being in line for American Idol at Cowboys' Stadium = Beating.

Good Grief

I spend the day in court and both Farrah and Michael Jackson die???!!!!

Random Thursday Morning Thoughts

• The Governor of South Carolina's press conference admitting the affair yesterday was a little bizarre. But I think one thing is clear: He loves that woman in Argentina.
• I don't have the link, but one South Carolina paper is printing emails between the gov and his lover (that they've had since December.) Man, the governor is smooth. He has a future in trashy romance novels.
• He had been considered a possible Republican presidential nominee for 2012. That is gone. Only Saints can be considered.
• Unless your sin is old (see failed nominee John McCain who had an affair many years ago and ended up marrying her.)
• I jogged early in the morning today (and I mean early). But the heat and the humidity was almost unbearable. I was soaking, soaking wet when I was through.
• Odd moment yesterday (stay with me here). I'm stuck in a long line at a red light in Fort Worth. I've left a couple of car lengths in front of me to allow room for people that need to exit and enter a busy parking lot. Finally, traffic moves a few feet opening up a space on the other side of the "gap" so I make the decision to move forward. The car directly behind me takes my spot -- still leaving the gap in front of him. Then two cars collide and crash into him. It wasn't a bad wreck, but there was significant damage. Point of the story: 15 seconds earlier, I had been sitting in the spot which is now involved in the crash.
• Fate? Naaa. Just lucky.
• I don't know soccer, but the U.S. beating Spain appears to be a really big deal.
• UT lost the final of the World Series last night. Man, LSU had a lot of people in Omaha (where the game was played.)
• The Academy Awards are doubling the number of Best Picture nominees from 5 to 10. That also allows five extra movies to advertise they are a "Best Picture Nominee."
• WBAP's Hal Jay, in all seriousness, said he wouldn't be upset if Hangover won Best Picture. Sheesh.
• Saw a couple of news reports showing that Gov. Perry leads Kay Bailey in the most recent poll but with almost 40% of Texans undecided. Undecided?
• Might be a little slow around here today. I've got a DWI trial. I'll try to Twitter updates if I get a chance.

The Girl from Ipanema Argentina

This guy went missing for four days over the last weekend and everyone was wondering where he was. Now we know. Sean Hannity is trying to "reflect" on this development this afternoon with thoughts on human frailty and mentioning how Sanford seemed "pained" and "hurting" during his press conference. I'm sure he treated Clinton the same way.