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Random Tuesday Morning Thoughts

• Give these high school kids a college scholarship: "One dressed as a banana and the other as a gorilla and, shockingly, the banana chased the gorilla across the football field." (Youtube clip.) Monkey humor is always genius.
• I'm not sure what Fergie's "My Humps" was doing playing in the background at a high school football game.
• I nailed a penny to a tree with a huge nail in the woods behind my house when I was a kid . One of these days I'm going to try and find it but I suspect it's been swallowed by the tree trunk.
• "Most political positions are emotions wrapped with words."
• I had a confusing dream last night. It started out being confronted by a gang member in Dallas and then morphed into me rooming with a black guy at the Dallas Cowboy's training camp as I was trying out for wide receiver. Talk about Crazy Head.
• David Blaine is one weird guy. Now he's hanging upside down in Manhattan which seems a long way from, "Pick a card, any card."
• A gal up at the courthouse claims that I can't say I "read" a book when I "only" listened to the audio version.
• I've never watched Dancing With the Stars but I might since I've heard the very hot Kim Kardashian is on it this season.
• NBC announcer Al Michaels once has a very small role playing a lawyer on Hawaii Five-0.
• Sarah Palin is set to meet with Bono in New York today. I predict some awkward pauses.
• I think my bathroom scale is broken. It fluctuates by four or more pounds per day.
• A man who just happens to be black is at the top of the Country Music Charts. That's only the third time ever. Wise County demands recount - "wants every vote counted."
• If you ever hit those ridges dug out on the shoulder of 287, it'll get your attention.
• Is it more tragic when someone dies in the middle of the day in a traffic accident (as happened in Decatur yesterday) as opposed to dying in a similar car wreck at 2:00 in the morning?
• I don't think TCU has a chance against Oklahoma this weekend. Unrelated college note: You can see a University of Texas horrific tight end injury from last week here (and I refuse to watch it.)
• Despite the Google Street View van being in Decatur a few weeks back, the street view version of Decatur still isn't available on Google Maps.
• I know at least two people that will TIVO a football game and begin watching it 45 minutes after it starts so as to skip through the commercials. Good idea.
• The exit ramp from 380 eastbound going to 287 southbound in Decatur is poorly designed.
• The sound of gloom on the horizon: Big Barnett Shale player "Chesapeake Energy said Monday that it will scale back its spending on drilling and development because of the sharp drop in natural gas prices since early July, a move that could be followed by other producers." Man, if we have a natural gas bust in Wise County, it'll be ugly. And a lot of empty motels.

This Man Has A Big Bag Of Your Money - And He Intends To Use It

The text of the $700 billion government bailout bill is relatively short, very clear, and absolutely jaw dropping. In essence, it gives Secretary of the Treasury the authority to buy whatever mortgage loans he wants from banks across the nation and, heck, maybe even get pretty creative. Proof:

Sec. 2(b) Necessary Actions.--The Secretary is authorized to take such actions as the Secretary deems necessary to carry out the authorities in this Act,

And what if he does something absolutely stupid or wants to bail out banks with whom he has past personal or business relationships? Get ready for the shocker:

Sec. 8. Review.

Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.

I've never seen anything like what our federal government is doing right now. They are giving our money away and telling us to our face that there is nothing we can do to challenge it. And it's a bi-partisan slap in the face with a Republican president and a Democratic congress.

Land of the free? Sheesh. We're slaves to a federal entity that abuses us and does not fear us. Not exactly the cornerstone of a great nation.

(Credit: Houston lawyer Mark Bennett.)

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

Wise County is scaring me a little bit. I have had discussions with some of the prosecutors about their desire to require SCRAM devices as a condition of probation in some selected cases. Those devices are not-so-little ankle bracelets that detect alcohol intake and record it. Each night the defendant plugs the device into a modem and the daily readings are sent off to Big Brother. In some cases, I'll admit, this might make sense. As one prosecutor correctly noted, a guy who gets two or more DWIs would not be a "criminal" if we could separate him from alcohol. But then I got a call from an old client who had been arrested for DWI. Frankly, it was his second arrest for such an offense. But imagine my surprise when he told me that the SCRAM device had been ordered as a condition of his bond. Understand what that means: Before the case is even filed in court, he is required to install the device on his ankle. (The statutes allow for an interlock device to be imposed as a condition of bond for DWI-2nd or greater but they say nothing about SCRAM devices.) Some of you hardliners might be saying, "Good! If I had my way I'd keep him locked up until his trial." (That due process thing can get in the way sometimes.) But here's the kicker, when my client got to the jail he agreed to blow into the Intoxilyzer. He didn't think he was drunk, and he was right. I saw the paperwork: The results came in less than .08. But that didn't stop a Justice of the Peace from imposing the SCRAM device as a condition of his bond. And click on that image to discover the cost. Incredible.

In The Valley Of The Shadow Of . . .

. . . the Star Telegram home page as of this moment. (Even the first story resulted in a death.)

Man, There Are A Lot Of Rules To Follow

Story. (Thanks emailer)

Father Of The Year

Now I'm no engineer, but I'm pretty sure I saw "disaster" written all over that stunt even before little Johnny got launched down the ramp. But at least the little tyke had the protection of a plastic roll bar. But I am disapointed that I didn't hear dad say, "Here, hold my beer" before he embarked on that father/child bonding experience. And (I'm stealing this next line): Did I hear a monkey at the end of that clip?

Anybody Else Having Trouble?

And, oddly, this site say's the Messenger's URL doesn't exist - which can't be right.

Random Monday Morning Thoughts

• Anybody else see the commercial for the movie Quarantine that was shown during the Cowboy game last night? Seemed a bit too intense for prime time football.
• Here are nine minutes of fans jacking with a sleeping guy at Shea Stadium. As much as I never thought I'd watch all nine minutes of it, I couldn't turn away.
• I'm thinking about growing my hair longer again. I tend to alternate every year.
• The Cowboys are great, but I just have a bad feeling about this team.
• Probably mentioned before: If I take an afternoon nap, it takes me an hour to fully wake up. And I'm incredibly confused when I wake up thinking that it is morning.
• Texas Tech is in the Top Ten for the first time in forever. (But we don't know much about them since they've only beaten Eastern Washington, Nevada, SMU, and Massachusetts.)
• The Dallas Morning News implemented a "comment section" on most of its stories about a month ago, some times it doesn't know how to deal with them. Case in point, Barefoot Sanders (the federal judge who presided over the Dallas ISD desegregation) died over the weekend. Most of the initial comments were racist diatribes which were immediately taken down.
• Odd note from that Barefoot Sanders story: "1936 -- Is named freckle champion of the State Fair of Texas." Say what?
• I always wanted a cool nickname. I don't think "Barefoot" is cool.
• It seems like only yesterday that we didn't trust the reliability of email. Now it's a rare occurrence if one doesn't make it to its recipient.
• Another home invasion in northwest Tarrant County, and another home intruder dead. What is up with these stories?
• Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker and DJ AM were injured in a plane crash this weekend that killed four but they survived. I think I've heard a Blink 102 song, but I had never heard of DJ AM.
• That "Eveyone's Going To Choctaw" jingle is getting on my nerves.
• I attended one game in Yankee Stadium and saw a fan blow out his knee as tried to hop down a several rows of empty seats.
• Craziest obituary ever in the Dallas Morning News?
• So the federal government is going to buy $700 billion in bad loans? Does anyone else think this magic wand trick may one day implode?
• And I've said it before, if you are a simpleton like me and want to understand how this mortgage crisis came to be, you have to listen to the one hour speciall of This American Life: A Giant Pool of Money. I actually listened to it for the second time this weekend. Fascinating.
• I've seen maybe 15 minutes of Grey's Anatomy but I bet it's pretty good.
• Edit: The Ticket just mentioned that the holder on Martin Grammatica's failed field goal yesterday (the game doesn't matter) was wearing a watch while on the field yesterday. Off.

I Don't Even Know If I Should Be Proud Of This

What I posted two weeks ago: What I wrote: What actually happened:

Diamond's Supermarket In Bridgeport On Fire?

Unconfirmed report. Developing.

News

Looks like the big news this morning is a bomb explosion at hotel in Islamabad, Pakistan. Forty dead and counting. It was a Marriott property which the chain advertised on its web site like any other hotel it owns. That was a nice place. The cheapest room last night went for $200. But, man, Pakistan is a violent place. Just look at the list of attacks at the bottom of this wikipedia page.

The Briefest Random Thoughts

• Caught about 30 minutes of No Country For Old Men last night on cable. I had seen it in the theater and walked away with a "good but not great" review. I might have been too harsh.
• Great Baylor game last night. It's fun just to be competitive again (although it's kind of sad that I'm happy with that.)
• ESPN's College Game Day is more fun in theory than in practice.
• I need to mow the yard.
• I'm not sure I know one song on Billboard's Top Ten - I haven't listened to music on the radio in the last six months. I need to fix that.
• I can't sleep late any more.
• Edit: If you didn't see it, the I Hate This Hummer guy from Southlake turned himself in. He's 72. He probably wants a do over.

Friday Night Happy Feet

Decatur 0 Argyle 45 Oh, my. City View 25 Chico 45 Somebody check the water Godley 21 Boyd 35 Finally getting their feet underneath them Windthorst 0 Alvord 14 Off season chaos having no effect Paradise 40 Bowie 16 Rolling. Baylor 28 Connecticut 31 Chance to win at the end falls short

Getting All Artsy

I was asked to promote a play going on over in Bridgeport to which, of course, I refused. Then it was called to my attention that I would be considered a "community organizer" if I were to do so. Hello, resume builder. The information is here. These type of plays are either really good or really bad. Either way, you've got you some local entertainment. Alternatively, you've got karaoke at Frilly's, or the North Texas Singles Club which will meet Saturday at 6:30 p.m. at Armondo's in Decatur. Good times.

Oh, My

Mark Cuban releases some of the emails he has received regarding Josh Howard's less than patriotic rant released this week. We might want to throttle back on that "there is no racism in America" belief.

Random Friday Morning Thoughts

• Stock market talk is giving me Tired Head.
• Problem solved: More government regulations with the silent realization that the government will bail you out if all goes wrong ---- ah, yes, the cornerstone of free enterprise.
• Baylor plays on Friday night for the second time in two weeks. Please no high school football jokes, please.
• If I don't read Newsweek on the first day that I get it, I never get around to it before the next one arrives.
• Snakes On A Plane is on cable every now and then. Man, that was awful.
• It took me years to learn it, but drink coasters are important.
• There's a hot air balloon festival in Plano this weekend. I've never been to one much less on a balloon. (And Fox 4 played 99 Luftballoons in the background while reporting on it.)
• Had some kid roll down his window and bark like a dog as I jogged pasted his car the other day. So odd.
• I feel lazy when I buy those salad-in-a-bag products.
• It seems that every wrongfully convicted guy released in Dallas after being imprisoned for 20+ years is never bitter.
• With all these bailouts by the government (which is nothing more than printing money), why won't inflation go through the roof?
• A lady in Granbury protests the high school flag which is that pirate-jolly-rogers-skull-and-cross-bones thing. "I appreciate our teams and coaches, too. But I have to stand up for my biblical convictions," she said. I soooooo wish she lived here.
• I ran across a pic of hottest girl in a bikini top with an amputated leg over at What Would Tyler Turden Durden Do. I was debating about whether to post it until I realized I was spending precious moments of my live life involved in that debate. Edit: Man, I struggled with the keyboard on this one.
• Got this email on a "way for your blog to make money." Here was the pitch "Right now we are doing promotional giveaways. You write an article about a product. Then you encourage the viewer to click on a link that is imbedded in the article. To enter the contest, the viewer has to retrieve some information from the advertisers web site. For example, we might get the viewer to pick out there favorite color. They post a comment with their favorite color. Then, we pick a winner."................ It's boring and confusing.
• The new paved roads in Decatur are actually impressive. Much better than the "throw down some tar and gravel" that was used last time.

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