Lost Cause

Gabs?

As I'm back from Fort Worth (and having Decatur PD officer Delvon Campbell ruin my day by showing up at the hearing), I just had a strange conversation. A person whose identity I promised not to reveal, claimed that the new Decatur high school term for female . . . uh . . . breasts is "gabs." (As far as the multitude of questions that just formed over your head, don't ask). I questioned whether that was truly new slang since I had never heard of it. I am, after all, the King of Pop Culture. So I told him/her that I'd throw it out to the masses for confirmation or repudiation.

I'm Leaving A Note

I'll be in Fort Worth this early-afternoon so everybody don't get pissy if Comments don't appear promptly. (Sheesh, I hate this process.) But I did see a funny sight on Monday at one of these driver's license hearings that I am going to. The whole process, which isn't fair, is to have an Administrative Law Judge determine whether someone's license should be suspended after a DWI arrest. (Trust me, it's like watching paint dry.) Nevermind that this hearing occurs BEFORE the criminal case ever gets filed in Decatur, but I digress. Anyway, on Monday there was a guy down there who had been arrested and was now representing himself. I understand why he was doing it, but that place is a field of land mines if you don't know what your doing. Anyway, there he was waiting for his case to be called before the judge. I noticed that he seemed neatly dressed until I looked more closely at his button down shirt: On the front left were the words "Jack Daniels." I am not making this up. Sir!

Australian Open Update

Maria Sharapova has beaten fellow Russian Anna Chakvetadze 7-6, 7-5. Seriously. You needed to know.

Little Hard On The Guy?

And I Had No Idea . . .

. . . the Messenger had shut down its forum.

Uggh . . .

. . . I'm probably going to move to the "Beat Me Down Policy" of approving comments before they are posted. The so-called Band of Monkeys is getting out of hand. (Take a look below. I've preserved it for archaeologists in the future.) Let's go with this very loose policy: - Try not to cuss like a sailor - Try not to be crude to such an extent that your average Wise County Resident would go dropped jaw - Try not to make reference to "Britney's S&^%$". (Buddy, I'll miss your Short Bus wit.) - I'll approve basically anything else - no matter how much I disagree with it. - I might change the policy later on. - That's about it

The Oak Ridge Boys . . .

. . . will be performing Wednesday night at the Bass Performance Hall in Fort Worth. Tickets are $42 to $68 from Ticketmaster. I'll be having bamboo shoots inserted under my fingernails. It'll be more fun.

Another State Of The Union Thought

. . .why, on god's green earth, do the smartest political minds in America, whether they be Democrat or Republican, think this annual speech is inspiring? Why not talk directly to the people? To tell us to take care of our families. To love one another. To go to work tomorrow and do the best we can. To help at least one person every day who is less fortunate. To enjoy the freedom to simply go to the movies. To enjoy dinner with friends. To live each day like it is your last. To dance like no one is watching. To wake each day thankful that you are alive. To worship as you please, speak what you feel, and assemble without fear. And to remember those that have lost their lives in the past to give us these freedoms. Heck, Dale Hansen can do it once a year after the "Thank God For Kids" video. Can't a president? Just make it a 15 minute pep talk for the country. We could all use it.

I Finally Flipped Over To The State Of The Union . . .

. . . because it's an arse whip. But, man, the tension looks delicious. Cheney standing and applauding. Pelosi sitting on her hands. It's like a college mixer between the Crips and the Bloods.

Hey, Now

Hey, Now.....Oh, Wait.

Jessica Biel . . .

. . . at the beach.

Subway's Jared Is Money

Somebody took these screenshots of him and his date at a Pacer's game last night. They are low quality. She is high quality. (Source.)

The Triple Hot . . .

. . . Tiffani Thiessen is 33 years old today.

Proposition

I am a CIA agent. I can have CIA satellites scan your body for disease or defect. If a problem is found, I will have some secret CIA agents administer secret medicines to you while you sleep. Of course, I'll have to charge you for it.

Sweet Gig

Shockingly Accurate

What would Andy Griffith think of the Patriot Act or the president's eavesdropping policy.