Australian Open Update

Maria Sharapova has beaten fellow Russian Anna Chakvetadze 7-6, 7-5. Seriously. You needed to know.

Little Hard On The Guy?

And I Had No Idea . . .

. . . the Messenger had shut down its forum.

Uggh . . .

. . . I'm probably going to move to the "Beat Me Down Policy" of approving comments before they are posted. The so-called Band of Monkeys is getting out of hand. (Take a look below. I've preserved it for archaeologists in the future.) Let's go with this very loose policy: - Try not to cuss like a sailor - Try not to be crude to such an extent that your average Wise County Resident would go dropped jaw - Try not to make reference to "Britney's S&^%$". (Buddy, I'll miss your Short Bus wit.) - I'll approve basically anything else - no matter how much I disagree with it. - I might change the policy later on. - That's about it

The Oak Ridge Boys . . .

. . . will be performing Wednesday night at the Bass Performance Hall in Fort Worth. Tickets are $42 to $68 from Ticketmaster. I'll be having bamboo shoots inserted under my fingernails. It'll be more fun.

Another State Of The Union Thought

. . .why, on god's green earth, do the smartest political minds in America, whether they be Democrat or Republican, think this annual speech is inspiring? Why not talk directly to the people? To tell us to take care of our families. To love one another. To go to work tomorrow and do the best we can. To help at least one person every day who is less fortunate. To enjoy the freedom to simply go to the movies. To enjoy dinner with friends. To live each day like it is your last. To dance like no one is watching. To wake each day thankful that you are alive. To worship as you please, speak what you feel, and assemble without fear. And to remember those that have lost their lives in the past to give us these freedoms. Heck, Dale Hansen can do it once a year after the "Thank God For Kids" video. Can't a president? Just make it a 15 minute pep talk for the country. We could all use it.

I Finally Flipped Over To The State Of The Union . . .

. . . because it's an arse whip. But, man, the tension looks delicious. Cheney standing and applauding. Pelosi sitting on her hands. It's like a college mixer between the Crips and the Bloods.

Hey, Now

Hey, Now.....Oh, Wait.

Jessica Biel . . .

. . . at the beach.

Subway's Jared Is Money

Somebody took these screenshots of him and his date at a Pacer's game last night. They are low quality. She is high quality. (Source.)

The Triple Hot . . .

. . . Tiffani Thiessen is 33 years old today.

Proposition

I am a CIA agent. I can have CIA satellites scan your body for disease or defect. If a problem is found, I will have some secret CIA agents administer secret medicines to you while you sleep. Of course, I'll have to charge you for it.

Sweet Gig

Shockingly Accurate

What would Andy Griffith think of the Patriot Act or the president's eavesdropping policy.

My Dream

As Jerry Jones looks for a new coach for the Cowboys, some think that the most recent coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Bill Cowher, would be a perfect fit. Two problems: (1) He wants to take a year off to watch his daughters play college basketball, and (2) he is still the property of the Steelers for one more year which means that Jones would have to give the Steelers some draft picks to get him. Here's my dream scenario: Jones is willing to wait one year for Cowher but since there is no way you can hire a coach for one year in the interim, Jones names himself coach for 2007. I would absolutely love to see that experiment. And, with a talented team and good offensive and defensive coordinators, it might actually work. Cowboy's Winningest Coaches: 1. Barry Switzer, 45-26 2. Tom Landry, 270-178-6 3. Jimmy Johnson, 51-37 4. Chan Gailey, 18-16 5. Bill Parcells, 34-32 6. Dave Campo, 15-33

The Beating That Is The "State Of The Union" Will Be Given Tuesday . . .

. . . which reminds me of these words from last year's speech. The road of victory is the road that will take our troops home. As we make progress on the ground, and Iraqi forces increasingly take the lead, we should be able to further decrease our troop levels -- but those decisions will be made by our military commanders, not by politicians in Washington, D.C. (Applause.)

I Don't Even Have To Come Up With A Headline