Funny Like in "Ha Ha"?

Google has got a lame April Fool's joke going on. Its home page introduces a Google Romance product which will hook people up like match.com or Yahoo Personals. When you try to upload a profile, you get this. Not particularly funny. (And I learned about from CNN Headline news - so don't even think about dogging me).

Fortune Cookie

I ate Chinese food last night and this is what I got in the fortune cookie: "Your lucky number for the week is two." That's it? That's my inspiration? That's my fortune? There is some guy whose job is to write fortune cookies and that's the best he's got? Heck, I'd take "your life is in grave danger" over a "lucky number".

My Time Waste

A movie is released last year starring Keanu Reeves, Benjamin Bratt, and Vince Vaughn. Sounds pretty big time, right? It also prominently featured Vincent D'Onofrio (most famous for playing Private Pyle in Full Metal Jacket). The name of the movie was Thumbsucker. I just watched it. It grossed a paltry $1.3 million dollars at the box office. I now know why. Thumbs down.

My Definition of A Good Relationship

amy Originally uploaded by dockmaster.

VH1

You have to check out the "40 Greatest Pranks" on VH1. (Yep, I'm sitting here watching it on a Friday night. But I'm surprisingly entertained. Check that - I'm extremely entertained). And, ya know, that channel is pretty good. They bring us: - The Top 20 Countdown - The Best Week Ever - Surreal Life - Flavor of Love - Web Junk 2 Ok, I've disclosed my guilty TV pleasures in life. That's TV pleasures.

Funny Line

Basic Instinct 2 was released today to horrible reviews. Apparently the movie is bad despite the fact that Sharon Stone spends alot of time getting neekid - she seems to have had a lot of "work" done to that body. The line of the week comes from Kyle Smith of the New York Post who described the movie as "Botoxic". Rim shot, please.

I Hate This Weekend

Although I'm very curious how this could possibly be a book. (Although it might be fake.)

TV Trivia

This will appeal to only three people out there, but if you are a fan of Desperate Housewives and Six Feet Under here's some nifty trivia. On Housewives, the character of Gabrielle Solis' husband, Carlos, is played by Ricardo Chavira. It just dawned on me that he also played Rico Diaz's cousin on Six Feet Under. His role included an extended scene where he was to fix the fireplace of Rico's new house. Which he did right until he was caught doing an act similar to something you would see on Brokeback Mountain. Those three people are now saying "wow".

Your Life Has Taken A Horrible Wrong Turn Somewhere If . . .

"WAYNESVILLE, N.C. - At least six men came to western North Carolina, some from as far away as South America, to have their genitals mutilated in what police described Friday as a sadomasochistic 'dungeon.'" [If you have to read that paragraph again, feel free to]. "Three men have been charged with illegal castration in the case, Haywood County Sheriff Tom Alexander and District Attorney Michael Bonfoey said. The sheriff and prosecutor said the victims were willing participants in the procedures." "The men met through a Web site produced in North Carolina that published photographs of men engaging in sadomasochistic behavior at a house in Waynesville. Investigators found DVD recordings of the castrations during a search of the house Wednesday, authorities said. 'This right here beats everything I have ever seen,' Alexander said."

Cheesy Motivational Presentation Starring You

This is cheesy, but I can't stop watching it. The cool part is that you can change the presentation to insert any name you want. In the link below. just replace barry.green with any name you wish(be sure to put the period between the first and last name). http://barry.green.youaremighty.com/

Mr. Britney Spears . . .

. . . was on Kidd Kraddick in the Morning today. One word: Spaaaaaarrrrreeeeee. But as brain dead as he was, he was better than Kelly "I Whine All The Time" Rasberry who kept muttering "I just love Britney! I really do!". And I had to suffer through Big Al's constant, "Hey, Dawg, let me ask you . . . ." The Morning News reports that Federline will be at Club X tonight in Addison. What a coincidence! I was already going there with my posse. Word. Edit: He actually showed up with Britney in tow.

Random NFL Thought

Both bits below stolen from other Blogs: "Not sure how many people noticed this coming out of the recent NFL owners meetings in Orlando: the league will no longer allow local television stations to shoot footage from the sidelines during games. The league cited property rights and safety as an issue. I'm not sure if newspaper photographers will be banned as well." BUT "Every time I see some shot of a running back, already 65 yards from the camera, moving the other way, with 14 bodies obstructing your view of what's going on, I can't turn the TV off fast enough while I'm muttering, 'Why don't they just use the network feed?'" Amen, bruther.

Backroom Deal

I just heard on the radio that the lawyers for Dena Schlosser (the lady that cut off her baby's arms) have agreed to waive a jury for her second trial and allow the judge to decide whether she was insane. You may recall her first trial ended up in a hung jury with a 10-2 split. Those ten sided with the defense and believed she was insane. There is no way in the world her lawyers would waive a jury unless they were certain the judge would find their client insane. I mean, they just missed winning the case outright last time so why would they forego that chance and let the judge decide? Only if it was a sure thing.

Dog Licks Your Screen.

Here. (Give it a second to load).

Carmen Electra . . .

. . . lost her mind on the Jay Leno show. Me loves me some . . . well . . . maybe I don't.

For Some Reason, This Made Me Laugh

"LIBERTY, Mo. - A youth minister was charged with assault for allegedly knocking a 16-year-old boy down and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game."

The Crazy and Great . . .

. . . Christopher Walken is 63 today.

Cool Clock

Link.

Note To Self: This Is Not A Normal Date

Snippets from a Star Telegram Story: For 19 days, the woman told investigators, her ex-boyfriend held her captive . . . . The woman told investigators Stephenson later removed the duct tape from her head and arms, ripping out portions of her hair in the process and causing severe pain and bleeding. He then tied a rope around her feet and hung her upside down from a bedroom rafter, using a blow torch to burn her back. He then poured Drano on her injuries, the affidavit stated . . . . He locked her in a small trunk, then placed a dripping water hose in it — an apparent attempt to drown her . . . . But then there's and odd paragraph at the end [Police] said the woman’s relatives never knew she had been taken against her will by her ex-boyfriend. He said the woman’s children were being cared for by their grandmother.“They just figured she was probably absent voluntarily because she had done that in the past, been absent for period of a time,” Jamison said. “The family didn’t sense anything unusual so no missing person report was made.”

Air LeBron

I don't think I've watched an NBA game from start to finish in 20 years. But I continue to believe that LeBron James is the next Michael Jordan. The 21 year old became the youngest player ever to crack the 6,000 point barrier tonight as he scored 46 points against the Dallas Mavericks.

Immigration Chaos

With all the fighting over illegal immigrants in the news these days, one very odd constitutional provision has come to light. Two illegal immigrants have a baby? That baby is a U.S. Citizen. 14th Amendment Section 1. All persons born . . . in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.

Cajun Cowboys

I don't know why I find this interesting, but last night Michael Irvin and new Cowboy Terrell Owens were spotted out on the town eating dinner. The Mansion? Three Forks? Del Frisco's? Noppers.

I Have Friends . . .

. . . that make it a habit to look at the Break.com "girl of the day". They are sooooo shallow.

Wet / Dry Wars

It's My Prerogative

The big gossip today is that Whitney Houston's "wheels are off" when it comes to drug use. Who knows if it's true. But I feel much better about the cleanliness of my house at the moment.

Love, Actually

I've written before how much I like the opening clip of the movie "Love, Actually". It's now available at youtube.com.

Decatur and Game Shows

A faithful reader informed me that former Decatur resident Steve Simmons will be on some show on Fox tonight called "Unanimous". Based upon the pic on the web site, it appears to be true. Edit: The show looks contrived, but here's a very short video clip of Steve.

As You Prepare Your Taxes . . .

. . . you should be comforted to know that NASA has budgeted $6.2 billion for operating the space shuttles in 2007. Waste. Waste. Waste.

Kind Of An Odd . . .

. . . name for the concert this weekend at the Final Four.

Bad Night For College Books

Star Telegram photo.

TV Thought

MSNBC is giddy because Keith Olbermann's Countdown (which is very funny) beat out CNN's Paula Zahn and the show of my-most-hated-woman-in-the-history-of-ever, Nancy Grace. Here are the numbers: Countdown: 164,000 total viewers Zahn: 158,000 Grace: 154,000 Random thought: That's not many viewers for a TV show in a country of 300,000,000 people. Then again, that's mighty big talk for a man whose Blog averages 600 viewers a day in a county of 60,000.

Why The Internet Is Important

Vince Young, YouTube.com, And Indy

I've become fascinated with YouTube.com. It's mentioned on the cover of Newsweek this week, and I'm convinced that not a single even mildly significant video moment will not be available on the Internet within 2 years. Side note: I uploaded the horrible Indy crash this weekend and its been viewed over 700 times. (And let me digress: I searched for "Vince Young" tonight and came across this eight minute highlight reel. All UT fans or college football fans will be amazed. )

As Baseball Season Looms

A Dallas Morning News reporter is working on the top ten finishes of all time in college football. His work in progress: 1. Stanford vs. Cal, 1982 (The Elway rally followed by the Band play) 2. Texas vs. USC, 2006 (Vince Young carries the Longhorns in the final minutes) 3. Notre Dame vs. USC, 2005 (Bush pushes Leinart across the goal line for the winning touchdown) 4. Ohio State vs. Miami, 2003 (Double-overtime and a late flag for the National Championship)5 . Boston College vs. Miami, 1984 (Flutie to Phelan wins shootout) 6. Nebraska vs. Miami, 1984 (Tom Osborne goes for two) 7. Colorado vs. Michigan, 1994 (Kordell Stewart to Michael Westbrook) 8. UNLV vs. Baylor, 1999 (100 yard fumble return as time expires) 9. SMU vs. Texas Tech, 1982 (miracle kickoff return beats Tech) 10. Holy Cross vs. Princeton, 1988 (HC laterals on final kickoff and finds end zone) I'm familiar with every one of them but the last one. And, boy, am I familiar with #8.

Really Random Thought

I like wearing new socks.

Update on Arrest Of Bruce Isaack's Son

Update from last night's Blog about Denton DA Bruce Isaack's son being arrested for allegedly discharging a firearm in the city of Carrollton. Fox 4 News' Lari Barager reported tonight (so take this with a grain of salt) that: The arrest of the kid was on Monday, his bond is only $500, but he is still sitting in jail. Mom and dad might be a bit mad.

The Word "Trinity" . . .

. . . is very biblical except it doesn't appear in the bible.

New Food

A high ranking police investigator told me today that Quizno's had opened in Decatur in the convenience store that also houses Burger King (at 287/51). Me loves me some Quizno's. Me also miss the old weird Quizno's commercial.

Dr. Rohr Tidbit Buried In Morning News

"Elizabeth Rohr, convicted last week of defying a judge's order to turn her five youngest children over to their father, had a stun gun used on her by jailers Friday. Tom Reedy, a spokesman for the Denton County sheriff's office, said Dr. Rohr was not complying with book-in procedures and repeatedly sat on the floor without moving. The 46-year-old woman was beginning a six-month jail sentence for contempt. Judge L. Dee Shipman gave her the sentence for her behavior during a weeklong trial on a charge of interference with child custody. Dr. Rohr was convicted of the felony, but jurors did not give her jail time. " (Source)

Remember Kids, Stay In School

Student Demonstrator Injured A female student from Dallas Independent School District was injured Tuesday morning while participating in the protest behind Skyline High School in east Dallas. The incident happened when the Ford Expedition in which she was riding rolled over, DISD spokesperson Donald Claxton said. Claxton said the girl suffered a severed hand and was being treated at Baylor Hospital. The SUV was traveling at a high rate of speed, Claxton said. Source.

Mattie's

The old Mattie's restaurant is going to become something called Sweetie Pie Ribeyes (or something very odd like that). I don't know what in the heck they are doing up there, but construction workers have been banging on that building for two months or more. And they are applying for a liquor license.

It's Teen Hispanic March Day Two In Dallas

Story. Any school with the guts to crack down on these absentees?

Vince Vaughn Is 36 Today

Chief of Staff

The President's Chief of Staff, Andrew Card, resigned this morning. He will mostly be remembered as the guy who whispered into the President's ear during 9/11.

Plano's Prestonwood Baptist

Affiliation: Southern Baptist Pastor: The Rev. Jack Graham Members: 26,000 Weekend worship attendance: 14,000 Sanctuary: About 7,000 seats Campus size: 140 acres Includes: School (pre-kindergarten through 12th grade), cafe (with a Starbucks), fitness center, bookstores, library Annual Budget: $27 million And now it is eyeing a piece of property worth $2.79 million.

God's Will?

"A New Hampshire woman whose life was spared from the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks by a chance scheduling of a family medical appointment has died from injuries suffered in a Texas car crash." (Star Telegram Story)

Puppies v. A Cat

I don't own a dog. I don't own a cat. But this Google Video of a bunch of puppies approaching a cat is really funny. Nothing ever happens, but it's worth a look nonetheless.

My Weekly PostSecret.Com Post

Alternative To Microsoft Office

I don't know why I just thought about this, but if you want to download an Office Suite that is very similar to Microsoft Office but....one difference....it's free, you should check out OpenOffice.org . The download is huge, but it's a nice piece of software. I've even used it in court before. The Spreadsheet and Power Point clone are great. It can be found at...uh...openoffice.org. A PC Magazine review of it can be found here.

It's Been A Bad Month . . .

. . . for soon to be former DA of Denton County Bruce Isaacks. First he loses his race for re-election in the Republican primary. Now his teenage son manages to get arrested for the second time. Shooting a shotgun may be common-place in Wise County. But it's another thing to do it in the backyard of a Carrollton neighborhood.

Global Warming

I've never been much of a environmentalist (I spend too much time inside), but I believe in global warming. I'm amazed to learn that the big brained George Will does not. For those who care (maybe two or three of you), here is a clip of Will's position on the issue as expressed Sunday on This Week.

Friendly Sean Penn

I never really watched much of Friends but I just landed on it while I channel surfed by TBS. The episode (check that - one of the four episodes on tonight) had Sean Penn as a guest star. I never knew he did that. Crazy and moody Sean Penn guest starred on Friends. I think that's odd. Edit: But he gets points for having a "torture doll" of Ann Coulter.

Kinda Cool

Myk
Originally uploaded by boehlersworld.

NFL Scheduling

It's Spring so it's time to think about football. Dallas opens up at Jacksonville. ESPN, which has Monday Night Football this fall, has scheduled two back to back games on September 11th (With the first one starting at 6:00 p.m. CST). The Tampa Bay Bucs come to Texas Stadium on Thanksgiving. And the NFL has added a Thanksgiving night game. The story here. I don't think the complete schedules will be revealed for a few weeks. Edit: I overlooked the first Sunday night primetime NBC game will be Indy Colts at New York Giants on Sept. 10. Yep, Manning vs. Manning.

Immigration

You know, all of the marches against revisions to our immigration laws is a little unsettling. Today, thousands of high school students protested in Los Angeles and 1,500 or so protested in Dallas. There has not been so much passion on American streets since Vietnam. The issue is all over the talk radio stations and the tone is, well, in a word, racist. There are so many calls referring to "those people" and "them". We have a problem we need to deal with. Anyone who thinks we can (and should) simply scoop up millions of illegal aliens and send them back to Mexico lives in his own fantasy world. And as President Bush said today, "“If you are doing a job that Americans won't do, you're welcome here for a period of time to do that job.”

Who Writes This Stuff?

There is a short editorial in the Dallas Morning News today entitled "Don't Silence Victims' Voices" about a couple of cases pending before the Supreme Court. I'm amazed at how accurate the editorial is in discussing a very confusing area of the law that concerns "excited utterances", "testimonial" evidence, and the Confrontation Clause. Simply put, a member of the Morning News editorial board did not write it. Someone who specializes in criminal law (and is pretty darn smart) did. And another boring thought: Just who exactly is the editorial trying to persuade?

Final Four

Yahoo ran a contest of picking the winner of the NCAA Tourney If the link works, this guy is in the lead - somehow he correctly predicted the Final Four (which, of course, includes George Mason).

World's Top 15 Skylines

Link here (with cool pictures). Suddenly I realize I've not seen very much of this world.

Happy 31st B-Day to Fergie

Dale Hanson's Scholar Athlete of the Week

. . . was Stacy Smalley of Bridgeport High School. Watch it here.

Before Its Time

The 1996 movie "Executive Decision" is playing a lot on cable these days. I think the flick is really, really good. I actually saw it in the theater when it first came out (with a date that turned out to be a little crazy, but that's a different, perhaps better, story). But the movie was soooooo ahead of its time. Its plot involves terrorists hijacking a commercial airliner with the intent to use it as a weapon against the United States. It even had a land based suicide bombing in its opening scenes. Creepy, good stuff.

Spring Cleaning

I cleaned out my garage yesterday and came face to face with a rat. Not a mouse. But a big rat. I screamed like a school girl.

I'm Scared To Look In A Mirror

I decided to get most of my hair chopped off today and gave great leeway to the hair stylist (who probably works for minimum wage at Sports Clips where I got my hair cut). Anyway, she was tricking my hair up quite a bit, but I liked what she was doing. Then, near the end of the haircut, she tells me how much she wants to see the new Larry the Cable Guy movie. Then it dawned on me. I owe my new look to a fan of Larry the Cable Guy.

Dixie Chicks

Those bad girls of country music have a new album coming out in May --- Three years or so after Natalie made some of us angry and some of us pleased when she said she was embarrassed that President Bush was from Texas. The first single off the album will be "Not Ready to Make Nice" (the group's web site quickly loads with the lyrics of the song while it plays in the background). The lyrics include: I made my bed and I sleep like a baby With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’ It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger And how in the world can the words that I said Send somebody so over the edge That they’d write me a that I better shut up and sing Or my life will be over

Bad Indy Car Crash This Morning

Quick loading video at youtube.com. Edit: One of the drivers, Paul Dana, has tragically died because of the accident. In this photo, he is in the vehicle to the right (very blurry) a split second before it strikes the vehicle in the center of the picture.

Mrs. Tom Cruise Is Getting Close