2.19.2008

And Another


Facts:

Meet then 23 year old and married Allenna Williams Ward who used to be a middle school teacher. She's was accused of "having sexual encounters with five teenage boys. Authorities said [she] met 14- and 15-year-old boys at the school where she taught as well as at a motel, a park and behind a restaurant." (Actually, she's now convicted of said offense.)

Blog Punishment Phase:

Sheesh, Allenna, this is the most liberal blog jury you're ever going to find and you've got me in a real bind here. Five boys? Five? And even "behind a restaurant?" This is the type of stuff that you'd read about in Penthouse Forum if I had ever seen a copy of Penthouse Forum. In most places you'd be sentenced to the pen quicker than Tom Robinson in Maycomb, Alabama*.

But I'm torn. First, you're kinda cute which is almost automatically a probated sentence. Secondly, you probably have some sex addiction which means this really wasn't your fault. I need to know a little bit about your mom and dad before I could pass judgment. But since I don't know that, I'm deadlocked with myself. I'm sending a note to the judge as we speak. Mistrial.

Next case.
---------------------
Footnotes
* Lee, Harper, To Kill A Mockingbird (HarperCollins 1960)


(Thanks emailer Kevin.)

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

The name of the town this happened in tells you all you need to know.

Anonymous said...

I think that her defense could make the case that she is the victim of a very sterile marriage and was only trying to learn about sex from experienced kids. Ergo, she was a victim of little guys who only have sex on their minds anyhow. If I was on her jury, I would have to vote for a charge reduction to assault with a friendly weapon.

lovelit said...

Teachers are going to become this generation's politicians...lies, sex and scandal; so sad.

Denney Crane said...

I think I could have got her 6 months probation with the right judge.

He most surely would have to have a 20 minute private conference with her in chambers first...just to make sure she could change her ways!

Anonymous said...

I would like to put on a powdered wig and talk to her about the Penal Codes and stiff sentences.

Jarhead said...

I'll bet she has a killer Corpus Delicti (corpus dee-lick-tie). Maybe she would like to see my briefs or my hung jury. Oh baby! Don't estoppel!! I might get a nulla bona!

I was thinking about doing a joke with "cum testamento annexo" but I figured Barry wouldn't publish it.

M&M said...

Barry, what's with your fetish for women teachers who prey on innocent kids? (Maybe not all that innocent) But how many has it been over the years? Many, and they seem to be with more frequency lately.

Anonymous said...

when I see things like this, I always think of some of my teachers way back in the sixties and there was a one armed spanish teacher,about 58 years old, well uh never mind

Anonymous said...

Where were all of these "teachers" when I was needing a few "lessons"? Damn It! I miss all the good stuff!

Anonymous said...

Barry - I am very impressed with your reference to Tom Robinson, and the fact that you documented your source. I teach English, and my students read that book recently.

Anonymous said...

I am wondering if these women ever think about things like teaching and preparing their students for the TAKS test. These ladies are just messed up.

Anonymous said...

These things are becoming as commonplace and boring as motorcycle death. Find a new fetish, eh?

Anonymous said...

I'd like to nominate 2:21 for minister of informational relevance. Good one, dude!

Anonymous said...

She got six years in the slam.

Anonymous said...

A key part of here defense was that she had a difficult childhood. Her dad was a minister.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of TAKS... A kid went in to buy a condom for a quarter. The clerk says ".27 cents please" He says "What is the .02 cents for?" "Tax". He said "Forget it! If you have to tack them on, I'm out!!"

Anonymous said...

She was actually sentenced to 15 years for each offense. We'll wake up to how we treat mentally ill people one day and be ashamed of ourselves.

Anonymous said...

I would lick her toes